this post was submitted on 18 Mar 2024
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[–] Raykin@lemmy.world 120 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Ah, the dead man's switch. It always reminds me of the time my homophobic uncle-in-law died in a car crash and they found his secret stash of gay porn in the wreckage. Yeah, good luck explaining that one at the pearly gates my man.

[–] drolex@sopuli.xyz 109 points 1 year ago

What a brave man. While trying to protect the society from the evils of homosexualiness (rainbows, questionable moustaches, etc), he still tried to study the enemy to understand their flawed logic. 🫡

He was trying to keep all the gay porn for himself

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 22 points 1 year ago

Opposition research, duh

[–] tourist@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

man not only had a secret stash, he kept it in his fucking car

that means he was either going back and forth between the wank cave and the honda every session or he fapped in or around his car

[–] Raykin@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Hearing them tell it, you would think they were more upset about the stash than his death.

I like to think it was both. He probably crashed because he was fapping in the car on the way to the wank cave to swap the fap cache. At least then he died doing what he loved.

Come to think of it, I'm reminded of a detail that may corroborate my theory. He was ejected from the car when it rolled. It actually pancaked his head, leaving the rest of him pretty intact.

Anyway, he clearly wasn't wearing a seatbelt. So now I'm thinking why wasn't he wearing it? And why was his dick out when they found him? I guess God is mysterious or whatever he used to like to say.

[–] problematicPanther@lemmy.world 101 points 1 year ago (2 children)

meh, if i die you can check my porn history. You'll just find femboy furry hentai, like everyone else. i'd be more embarrased by the duck duck go searches for when I'm trying to fix something.

[–] Jimbo@yiffit.net 35 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You'll just find femboy furry hentai, like everyone else.

Don't know about the accuracy of this statement, but boy I hope it's true

[–] problematicPanther@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

you might also find some arlo and janice r34 on my history. i'm more embarrassed about that one.

[–] can@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

No, arlo and Janice was a comic strip from the 90s, back when we had newspapers

[–] ziixe@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

You'll just find femboy furry hentai, like everyone else.

Can't wait in 10 years when I can check my femboy friends search history after he dies from a heart attack (he excessively drinks energy drinks), I bet there will be shit like "femboy tentacle expansion" or something weird like that

[–] bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 58 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I just write a no-kink-shaming-rule into my testament.

[–] drolex@sopuli.xyz 47 points 1 year ago

Priest or equivalent: 'We are gathered today to remember the life of Bjrn Tantau, who had this uncommon, but not weird, kink about hobo feet'

Assembly: 'Good for them'

[–] WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 44 points 1 year ago (1 children)

jokes on you I don't have a browser history, gardened firefox is amazing

[–] phuntis@sopuli.xyz 87 points 1 year ago (3 children)

what are you growing in your firefox?

[–] Raykin@lemmy.world 54 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Secrets by the sounds of it.

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Secrets and artichokes. Secret artichokes.

[–] Raykin@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

You slipped up now, Hippie. We will expose the heart of your delicious plan(t), one buttery piece at a time.

[–] moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 year ago

But enough talk, have at you!

[–] NakariLexfortaine@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago

I've heard that only takes 7 days.

[–] WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I meant hardened firefox lmao

[–] phuntis@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

yeah I knew don't worry I use arkenfox I'm just annoying and found it funny

[–] WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

yea it's funny I didnmt edit the comment to make it correct for that reasin >:3

[–] variants@possumpat.io 26 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Do you not set browsing history to erase on exit

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 39 points 1 year ago

No, I think it's useful to find sites I've browsed before

[–] survivalmachine@beehaw.org 4 points 1 year ago

You're assuming we don't programming ifttt to stop our hearts on exit, which subsequently triggers the erase history task.

[–] verdare@beehaw.org 1 points 1 year ago

I keep history on, but use private mode a lot.

[–] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

You'd better be careful and spell "below" correctly, otherwise they're gonna find a way to involve a bellows. Time stamp 49 seconds

[–] MonkeMischief 5 points 1 year ago

"HE'S ONLY MOSTLY DEAD!"

[–] PipedLinkBot@feddit.rocks 2 points 1 year ago

Here is an alternative Piped link(s):

they're gonna find a way to involve a bellows.

Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.

I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.

[–] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Is that really a function it offers? If this really works, it's the first time I've ever considered wanting to maybe finally buy & own & wear & use a smartwatch.

[–] princessnorah@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I just checked, because I thought this might have been added in an update I missed. But no, you cannot use heart rate as an automation trigger for a shortcut. I have POTS and I wanted to make it play “I Will Survive” when my HR passes 150 randomly.

I also checked and there isn’t even an action for clearing your safari history. Shortcuts could be so powerful if Apple didn’t hamstring the shit out of it.

[–] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Thank you. gosh technology could be even more advanced useful if they kept users' needs in mind. But technological advances seem to cater to whatever increases revenue and data collection.

[–] vox@sopuli.xyz 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

kinda unrelated but huawei wants you to upload your ID AND bank account details just to gain access to local data available on your own watch.

there are ways around it tho, one of the prs for Gardgetbridge includes full support for huawei devices, and of course you could use that and documentation that was created during it's development to pull data via Bluetooth directly (without using the proprietary Huawei SDK)

[–] moonburster@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Wait what. What is their reasoning behind this? It kinda feels like it won't hold ground in a lot of countries either

[–] vox@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

well you need access to the developer account in order to use the Health SDK, which also includes access to their app store so of course the verification process is pretty rigorous.
you also need an app published on appgallery (even if not publicly available) in order to use most apis, even if they just interact with local devices