My theory is that they are living in a world of hierarchies and apologizing is admitting a mistake, which takes them down a few levels on the hierarchy of power/popularity.
this post was submitted on 15 Jun 2023
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If I have acted in a way that has resulted in someone feeling hurt, I am empathetic to their pain. If my choices could reasonably be attributed to negligence or malice I believe it is my responsibility to apologize.
There is an exception however. I will not apologize simply because someone is hurt unless I have done something I can consider "fault". I may not apologize but I will try to find a way to express my sympathize & if possible look for ways to avoid the same result in the future.
There are plenty of people who will use their pain (real or fake or mixtures) to try to avoid personal responsibilities or externalize their problems. Gaslighting uses this. People CAN gaslight unintentionally even. For both parties I think it's important to apologize when you have knowingly or unknowingly done something wrong, but be careful taking on responsibility for hurt when it is not yours to take on.
Recently, I've set a personal boundary that in cases where the person is out of hand and gaslighting, I start considering terminating the relationship all together.