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Thanks. It’s been very difficult because I’m not an ex-Christian, but I’m not one of them anymore either. I doubt I ever really was.
I still want to be a pastor though, to talk about God and theology and support others as they go through life. It was my entire adult life.
I just don’t think there’s a puzzle out there that will fit my jagged little piece.
I don't know if you've already looked into it, but check out a non-denominational church in your area. Most of my family is reformed Catholic, and my grandfather was the only one who attended a real church. I'm not a fan of them, but my uncle and mother found solace in ND churches to fill their spiritual needs.
I've been in more than a few of them, and someone like you might do very well in one. I enjoyed listening to the sermons for the most part, and it's always nice to see someone who doesn't dress up bigotry and hatred in the trappings of religion.
I really appreciate the suggestion, but I think my personal hesitation is that most churches hide their problems fairly well. So long as they’re not waving Trump flags or maga hats, it can be hard to know how healthy a church is until you’re reasonably invested in it.
I just don’t think I could handle that sort of discovery right now.
That's understandable. I hope you can find a community that you want to be a part of.
I totally get that tbh. I’m naturally drawn to religion and when I look at the benefits to society that pastors can provide I see a lot of capacity for it, but I’m queer and drawn to paganism. In a different world I’d’ve been a pastor or priestess or whatever. Thankfully I’ve got another career I’m called to.
I’ve heard the term seeker used to refer to people who just feel called to religious wisdom more than to a specific dogma and I kinda like it. No matter where I go I’m looking to better understand the same things. What I saw in Catholicism and was drawn to there I find in a way that makes more sense in my current understanding of old gods.
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That’s absolutely my hope, though I’m not sure if it will ever be properly realized. Thank you for the encouragement.
For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for my part in the system that hurt you and so many others.
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