this post was submitted on 16 May 2024
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What?
Isn't "designed" to short circuit cognitive dissonance...
I mean, it kind of could be put that way, but only because OP doesn't seem to know they said the opposite of what they meant to from context.
Means
It's not to trick someone into ending a discussion, its commiserating over a shitty situation.
To let the other person know you're not talking about what's right and what's wrong. Just stating how something is.
It is a way end discussion by commiserating. Voicing shared helplessness out loud.
Do any discussions about changing things continue after both parties agree that "it is what it is"?
I do use it as a thought terminating statement usually when friends have asked me to help. I ask for them to tell me what has happened and then I suggest a forward plan of action. It is very common for people at this point to feel guilty about having to ask for help and also to go down a spiral of putting all the blame on themselves. Neither of these things are useful as I need their active help and participation in putting the problem right and that's where their energy needs to be focussed.
So it this point I will very often say to them something like, "Well, it is what it is and we are where we are and there's no sense in blaming yourself, let's see what we can do about getting into a better position."
I did encounter a proper thought terminating cliche in the form of, "I hear what you're saying..." from bosses in various places. Means "I hear what you're saying but I couldn't give less of a shit about it even if I were prepared to put in the slightest effort, which I am not."
Right, which stops you from thinking of solutions and ends the discussion. But maybe it's doesn't have to be like that if you just talked it out a little more.
It's still accepting a shitty situation because it is what it is. While it might show empathy or at least understanding of the situation, it still is just accepting it that way without digging into it further, or trying to change it.
That line is usually the end of the topic. "Yeah, us working folks sure get fucked over, but it is what it is". Doesn't continue the thought or conversation. It terminates it
Yeah, I take them as conclusions, summaries, wrap-ups, basically like "Goodbye" or "Well, I'll be seeing you", "It was nice talking to you", "Welp, time to get back to work", maybe something more personal like "I'll see you in an hour at lunch".
The decision may have already been made to stop / pause for now, but the former (OP) statements themselves do not cause that anymore than the ones I mentioned here.
Omg I'm literally dying here - except you know what, I'm actually not? I'm saying that it seems overly dramatic language to me. Like someone who heard those words somewhere and thought they sounded cool, without knowing what they even mean...:-P 😎
Though tbf they probably could be used for that purpose sometimes too, yet that doesn't mean that is what they are "meant for"?
Maybe I'm just too old to get it.