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This is the best summary I could come up with:
A woman has been found dead inside the belly of a snake after it swallowed her whole in central Indonesia, a local official said Saturday, marking at least the fifth person to be devoured by a python in the country since 2017.
The husband of 45-year-old Farida and residents of Kalempang village in South Sulawesi province discovered her on Friday inside the reticulated python, which measured around five meters (16 feet).
The mother-of-four had gone missing Thursday night and failed to return home, forcing a search effort, village head Suardi Rosi told AFP.
Last year, residents in Southeast Sulawesi's Tinanggea district killed an eight-meter python, which was found strangling and eating one of the farmers in a village.
A six-minute video obtained by CBS News showed villagers slicing open the python's carcass to reveal the legs and torso of the dead victim, named Akbar.
The longest reticulated python ever found in the wild was discovered in 1912, according to the museum, and was measured to be nearly 33 feet long – "more than half the length of a bowling lane and makes this snake longer than a giraffe is tall."
The original article contains 539 words, the summary contains 190 words. Saved 65%. I'm a bot and I'm open source!
2 things:
Do Americans really consider this helpful information?
The Wikipedia page on reticulated pythons needs to be updated.
If this were written for Americans it'd have the length of the snake in feet. Bowling lanes is such an absurd length comparison because you're not allowed to walk on them, so you don't really know how long they are anyway.
I want to know how many bald eagle wingspans it is. Even if they gave me the measurement in Lonestar Beer bottles I could work it out for myself.
If I assume the thing is about 40 Lonestar Beer bottles long (that's a big fucking snake), that gets me from the 40 yard line to the 30 yard line on a football field. You can fit about 5 average bald eagles there wingtip to wingtip.
10yd is 30ft, post says 16ft.
1 lonestar bottle is 9.09", 40x9.09=363.6" /12 for 30.3' (shit your guess on the football field was close on that lmao), avg male bald eagle wingspan at 76.8", 76.8x5=384" /12=32' (shit pretty close again).
Though since the article specifies a 16ft snake, the snake is only about 21.5 lonestar bottles long.
I was guessing based on half the length of a bowling lane. I thought the regulation length was 20 yards. The rest I know approximate values of because I like to convert to Lonestar bottles and bald eagle wingspans every time "anything but the metric system" comes up because I think it's funny.
I do the same thing for approximate weight in double quarter pounders with cheese which is about (but not exactly because I don't care about that) 9 ounces cooked and assembled.
Lmao gold.
Huh. I thought that one was the one that might work, as everyone knows that Americans go bowling all the time. I guess Americans go to the zoo more often than I realized. Or is it something indirect? Like the kid's bedroom window, which they always use to sneak past the parents, is 1 standard giraffe high? Would be nice for them to be able to feed the giraffes when the circus comes to town.