this post was submitted on 26 Jul 2024
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That's probably me minus the misogyny.
I did the whole self-improvement meme, got fit, lost weight, made friends, joined social groups, cut my hair, got a skincare routine, clothes that fit, etc etc. While it did help me make become more outgoing, I'm just too unattractive to realistically get a relationship. I even got a couple of first dates after talking to some folks on Discord. We got along great, bantered, and even had a nice emotional connection. Then we meet up and they see my face and suddenly it gets awkward. There's a look in their eyes when you go from a potential partner to ugly friend that just hurts.
90% of non-misogynist incels would be good partners, but no one wants to date them. A significant reason why 2/3rds of young men are single and 1/3rd of young women are single is because a subset of women prefer to date the same man with the hope that eventually they'll be exclusive. That or they're unaware that the men they're after are casually dating other women. Unattractive men are invisible, the only chance they have is personality. But personality means very little in a dating market that's very young and using mostly apps. If these people could get dates, they'd have a relationship eventually. But getting dates as an unattractive man is almost impossible.
It does get a bit better for men when you're older but I'd be too bitter at that point. Knowing that the only reason you'd be given a chance is because everyone's old, less attractive, and wanting to settle down is a poison that would eat away at me. Even if my partner sincerely thought I was a catch after getting to know me, it still hurts to be the last of someone's options.
I'll probably never get a partner and that sucks. But I do have friends and hobbies to work towards.
I'm not trying to be rude, but this does sound like incel rhetoric minus the woman hating. I see tons of short fat guys with weak jaws or, no cheekbones or even slightly balding. Get some pretty women and even marry them.
Not like 10/10 Godessss or movies stars or whatever but pretty cute women.
Part of dating is also getting shot down dude. We've all had it happen. You telling me 'oh all women seem to hate me and it's because I'm not a chad' is kind of lame to me.
I'm happy you're not a misogynist, but you still have some warped thinking you need to work on.
I'll concede that short dudes like 5'8 and under do maybe have it a little tougher than some in the dating market and in the west, if you're Indian or east Asian, yeah shit will be a little harder. But not impossible
I see these people too. They're usually older and in more conservative areas. Dating for young people is completely different and for every awkward guy I know that got a girl, I know 10 that have been single their whole lives. I'm not fatalistic, it's just not likely for this to happen.
I don't think women hate me, they just don't view me as a potential partner. I've made friends with a few while trying to date. They're simply human beings reacting rationally to their environment. If the situations were reversed, most men would probably choose a chance at a very attractive partner over a guarantee with an average one.
Honestly I just feel gaslit by society at this point. At what point will my years of rejection be enough to show people that I'm unwanted? I worked on myself, put forth effort, made friends of both genders, got some dates, and I still haven't met a single person who even considered me on option. There isn't someone for everyone. That's cruel I think its crueler that we pretend if these people just got out more they'd all be able to find someone. It's why you shouldn't tell kids in poverty that they can become president if they work hard, the circumstances of your birth determine how far you can go.
It sucks but there's more to life than a romantic partner. Besides that I'm pretty fulfilled. Give it a few more years of trying and then I'll give up forever.
Please don't break my post down like a reddit debate guy 🙏 (jk)
I'm 34 so not that old and I see plenty of zoomer women with guys who are like 4s if we're going to be rating people in that way.
Why don't you tell me what exactly is wrong with your face and height in your eyes?
That word akward is important and I'm going to hone in on that later.
You know what I mean, they don't literally hate you as a person. You mean they just find you as a romantic partner automatically unattractive because you aren't a 'chad'
The whole they're 'reacting naturally' thing is very much veering toward Blackpill rhetoric. I see incels saying almost verbatim this same thing. As if women have no agency and are automatically drawn to a 'chad' no matter what.
I get the feeling it's more you're off-putting and AWKWARD socially in some way you can't see yourself, rather than you being hideous.
I know the dating world is also extremely tough for men who aren't neurotypical
I don't hate you man and I'm certainly not trying to pick on you. I just really dislike black pill rhetoric.