Microblog Memes

You'll have to forgive them, they were educated in Florida.

Oh right, I always forget Missouri doesn’t exist.

The subjective definitions of "nice" and "affordable" could definitely cause you to have limited choices.

I haven't spent time in all states, but in my experience I'd say Minnesota is your best bet. Historically blue (mostly near the urban centers), weather is cold but near the Twin Cities is not too bad in the winter (relatively speaking, of course), and it's reasonably priced (at least to someone who's used to CA prices).

That, or Washington still has some bits that are both close to affordable and not shit holes.

Gators have learned well: don't fuck with the evolved dinosaurs.

• Shrikes impale their prey on metal fence posts.
• Harpy eagles can crush a human skull like a water balloon.
• Crows communicate and coordinate harassment campaigns against people that have slighted them.
• Vultures can eat rotting meat and be totally fine.
• The secretary bird will stomp things to death.

Pretty sure it was the posse of Canada gooses it was rolling with that scared the gator

I bet that guy has the most awesome barbecues.

.>

<.<

Yes

I aspire to it.

He's wearing a shirt though

Mowing your lawn is way more disruptive. I'd much prefer this guy to someone who mows their lawn constantly, especially if that person is complaining about me drinking beer on my lawn.

I unironically want this guy watching me mow my lawn sure

Well, they are easier to spot and less likely to do a full on home infestation than German cockroaches, so there's that. They are pretty nasty though, especially their guts.

Please also consider the deer fly. 1/3 the size of horseflies, and maybe only half as painful, but ten times more aggressive. Certainly there's also no reason to overlook the mosquito game in a swamp state. There's the usual North American black widows and brown recluses, and while generally harmless, there is something deeply primeval about walking into a three-foot-wide spiral web with a 5-inch leg-span orb weaver in the middle of it.

Vertebrate-wise, there are the aforementioned alligators, and way down south a saltwater croc occasionally turns up; then there are the alligator snapping turtles around as well. The Florida panther is endangered to the point of near extinction, but it does exist. There are also black bears and coyotes. The Eastern diamondbacks and water moccasins are to be avoided, and remember your rhymes to tell the coral snakes from the king snakes. The pythons and monkeys are invasive species and limited in range, but always be ready if in the woods or the swamp. Oh, right, I was more of a freshwater Floridian, but there are also the sharks and barracudas.

Beyond hungry fish, the ocean also has jellyfish, red tide, and rip currents, and of course that's where the hurricanes come from, LOL.

More seriously, while little of this has an impact on everyday life, growing up in a climate and environment like that does affect your outlook on what's dangerous and what's tolerable. I'm a pretty typical nerd type, but my wife still gets "Florida man" triggered every once in a while by behavior or attitudes that feel completely normal to me.