traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ Transmasculine Pride Ring ๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ
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I was gazing at my copy of Resident Evil: Code Veronica X again, before going "oh fucking yeah" and ejecting it from my mind. Does anybody else find it kind of strange that games or movies or Idk, books? will just randomly have vicious transphobia that nobody mentions? Ever read the horrible "transvestite" bit in Breakfast of Champions? Code Veronica has sat on my shelf for a decade and it was only due to somebody's Sloptube analysis that I found out it has the usual psychosexual totally-not-a-transfemme "smth wrong with her <3" villain in. A couple times now I've stumbled onto shit like this in random media and I'm like, damb, the wokeism cabal should mandate all media to have content warnings, by law. With their big strong leather boots.
Comment 450 right here! Truly more pride than every before
so when the IPL makes your skin feel a little "pop", that means it's working, right?
For today's book review, I'm going to tell you about a graphic novel (serialized manga?) called "Until I Love Myself" by Poppy Pesuyama.
CW: mentions of SA
Pesuyama is an AFAB trans non-binary mangaka from Japan. "Until I Love Myself" is an autobiographical work that covers their life from childhood and the struggles they had with gender dysphoria and sexual assault.
Pesuyama describes their manga as essays. Formalisticaly, this means that the manga is primarily expository, dialogue is heavy, and the art (while cute) is fairly sparse and basic. Originally, I think I was put off by this approach, and I didn't find myself relating to Pesuyama's experiences like I have with previous queer literature. However, now that I have finished it and sat with my feelings for a while, I think that this manga is going to stay with me for a very long time, and I find that it resonates with me more by the hour. (Even more than Sara Soler's "Us" which I thought was literally me fr fr).
In the following section, I'm going to discuss the themes and poignant messages of the manga, but I won't include spoilers. The manga deals heavily with multiple instances of sexual assault; however, while I will mention it, I won't provide any details.
discussion, SA
Perhaps the most powerful idea in Pesuyama's work is that of forgiveness. Throughout the manga, they ask, "Can I forgive my female body?" The fact that Pesuyama has a female body informs the narrative, as they endure instances of sexism and sexual assault throughout their life. Beyond dysphoria, these experiences push Pesuyama to loath themself, blaming their female body for all of the things that happened to them.
I can't help but think of the common trans experience of hating an assigned gender and how so often transition is so focused on hating an assigned gender rather than loving a preferred one.
To me, Pesuyama's forgiveness of their body is a powerful example for all trans people. They recognize their transness, they don't accept their assigned gender, they would prefer another body; however, they forgive their body for being what it is before (maybe) moving forward with medical transition (Pesuyama ends the manga by contemplating whether or not to start HRT).
Growing from Pesuyama's forgiveness, the next theme moves outward and is concerned with the confrontation of the self with a hostile culture. Upon acknowledging that their "female body is not at fault" for what happened to them, Pesuyama must confront the society that allowed their sexual assault and marginalization to be normalized. They argue that evil is rather banal and that abusers are, for all intents and purposes, "normal" people who are allowed (and taught and incentivized) to act in particular ways.
The original assault is amplified by a hostile culture, as people online diminish, deny, or criticize the fact that Pesuyama is speaking out. The term used to describe this is "second rape."
After staying quiet for 7 years, Pesuyama decides to pursue retribution against her abuser. When speaking with a lawyer, the lawyer mentions that the case probably would have been thrown out 7 years prior, but in the modern day, they had a solid chance to win. This leads Pesuyama to reflect on the importance of cultural progress, the people who fight for it, and the MeToo movement in particular. Pesuyama concludes that these changes are inherently political (rather than individual), and that people need to be protected legally, not just culturally as the dominant liberal ideology would imply.
Finally, one very interesting aspect of the manga is the differing perceptions of trauma and abuse. Pesuyama confronts their abuser and receives his side of the story. It's interesting to see how Pesuyama imagined their abuser's thoughts, how the abuser interpreted his own actions, and how Pesuyama argued against the abuser's justifications.
Pesuyama also talks with a friend who was sexually assaulted often but seems unphased by it. This leads Pesuyama to doubt themselves, thinking that they are simply weak. Eventually, they stop comparing themself to others and tries to move on with healing at their own pace.
There's also an interesting throughline of using art as a method of healing along with the particular details of Pesuyama's therapy, but I won't go into those here.
my personal experience with the manga
This manga had a large impact on me, from confronting the sexual assault experienced in my own life to the acceptance of my body as it is.
While I experience dysphoria with my body, I also found myself hallucinating dysphoria where it wasn't because I felt like I was "supposed to" in order to validate my experience with gender. I largely have mixed feelings about my body. Pesuyama talks about their experience with make-up and how they loved watching make-up tutorials because looking feminine was always just so much easier than looking masculine. However, they decided to stop because, despite looking good in a traditional sense and enjoying the process, it kept them from presenting the way they actually wanted to. I largely feel the same way about my facial hair. I always had trouble with the idea that when I look at myself in the mirror with a beard, that I think I look good. "How could I be trans if I feel this way?" It's just so much easier for me to look masculine. I literally have to do nothing, and I can be a handsome man. But... It keeps me from presenting the way I really want to present in the world.
So... I forgive my body and all my weirdness. It's not my fault I was born the way I was, and there's nothing wrong with me. I will continue to change my body, not out of disgust but love. .
I want to end with a quote that Pesuyama ends their manga with by Yukio Mishima:
"I can no longer sit in silence watching other people's intoxicated joy. I can no longer be satisfied with the tragic resignation of being separate from it."
Dear @Thallo@hexbear.net , hi! I read Us by Sara Soler based on your rec based on my rec, glad you enjoyed it and I did too.
lets fucking goooooo
When I was reading it, I was not "wondering why we want to spill our guts", who fucking wouldn't, isn't that the entire point of talking? One of the things I realised reading it though, was that regarding coming out/early transition stuff, I was/am so fucking blackpilled. Maybe I need to examine that, I wonder if I have personal trauma around the whole coming out thing somewhere? It could just be that the entire experience of yelling at people and throwing coffee and shit at age 16 was traumatic in itself, Idk. I am gonna fucking Adjust My Posting around this realisation right the fuck now, though. Exposure therapy time, brb boutta take the bloomer pill.
Part of it is also like, the trans-coming-out is an automatic freebie offer for max sympathy, to my brain anybody coming out as trans is a lovely smol bean who should be defended at all costs from cisnormative society and I will want to kill their entire family in minecraft if they don't fuckin fall in line. Plus, a lot of the coming-out-early-transition stories are fucking suffering pits, so there's that too. Imagine my shock that Us is actually pleasant and affirming and cool! (I was recommended it on this basis)
Diana and Sara are just cute really, I don't think stockings are as hard to get into as Diana makes em out to be, but the scene is cute, and the whole book is like that. I love to see a coming-out story that mostly just involves a loving partner helping her girlfriend slowly poke her way out of the closet. I was like, first time skirts, makeup, oh yeah I member. Sure any relationship that survives a transition has to be rad as fuck.
I was surprised that I kind of liked Sara as much as Diana if not more, though? She is a dopey cissie but she's great actually, "FUCK THAT! THE FUCK KINDA BULLSHIT IS THAT?!" is an awesome moment that tells you early on this is gonna be cool. Plus Us has the bit where trans people are occasionally inadvertent fuckin SOCIAL AGITATORS (or very advertent agitators, watch out) and sometimes cause "cis" "het" people to question their shit and realise or become considerably funnier genders or sexualities. I think that's cute, mood.
This has been good for me, I've needed to decompress from [ridiculous absurd book you've nevet heard of that couldn't possibly exist]
for a long time, and Us was that for me. It could even be a good one to throw at cis people you know, I think. Happy to have enjoyed it โค
Us pairs well with: Wallsocket by Underscores (like most things) Reddishness by Girls Rituals ULTRA PARADISE by Angel Electronics
Looks like we're gonna cross the finish line.
I was really scared that I would need to start doing Bernie math
soon the fun round number will be upon us