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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-07-03 04:02:02+00:00.
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/GreatCharges
AITAH for missing my daughter’s birthday and my wedding anniversary for the birth of my sister’s baby?
Originally posted to r/AITAH
Thanks to u/Playful_Pair3060 for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity
Original Post June 25, 2024
My wife (31F) and I (33M) have been married for 8 years, and we have a 6 year old daughter.
My sister (31F) was married to her husband, but because of his infidelity, they are now looking for divorce. My sister was pregnant with her first child, but she did not want her husband in the delivery room with her. She called me and asked if I could come for emotional support because she was nervous about childbirth.
I of course said yes. She lives in a different state, and I was going to go there for a week. But when I told my wife about it, she said that that I would be missing my daughter’s birthday, and our wedding anniversary (they’re both a day apart). I knew I would be missing those days, but I didn’t think it was a big deal and I told her we would celebrate the anniversary when I came back. And I didn't really need to be physically present for my daughter’s birthday. I could just FaceTime her. My wife then asked why my sister couldn’t call anyone else for emotional support, and I told her that was a really selfish thing to say.
I was there for the birth of my sister’s baby, and everything went pretty smooth. When I came back I was really happy, and I started making plans for the wedding anniversary, but my wife seems a bit sad about everything. I know it’s because I missed the anniversary, but I really don’t see what’s the big deal when we can celebrate it on another day. I understand my wife considers it a very important and special day. But it’s just a day, and it doesn’t mean anything in significance compared to the birth of my sister’s baby.
Am I the AH?
Update June 26, 2024
Link to original post for anyone interested:
Wow, that was a barrage of onslaught. I read a lot of the comments, and most people think I was an AH which I did not expect but it opened my eyes that I may have been neglectful to my wife. I want to provide a quick update but also first provide some more background and clarify a couple of things.
I read a lot of comments misinterpreting what I said on my last post. Of course, I think my daughter’s birthday and our anniversary are very important and special occasions. I just meant that compared to the process of going through childbirth during a stressful time, it seemed insignificant to me. My sister found out only a couple of months ago about her husband’s affair, it was horrible. When she called me, she was really worried about how the stress was going to affect labor, she was actually worried she was going to die because one of her friend’s mothers died during childbirth. She was panicking and I had to calm her down. Of course I was going to go, whether it was for a week or a month or however long.
A few comments asked why my sister did not call our parents. Both our parents passed away in an accident when we were really young and we were taken in by our loving grandparents, who we’ll always be grateful and thankful for. Both our grandparents have also passed away. Besides, my sister and I have always been tight.
Why didn’t I take my daughter and my wife with me? My daughter’s birthday party was set up and the invitations had already been sent to friends and family. Besides, the last thing I was thinking at that time was a family trip.
Now getting to the update, yes, I do realize after reading the comments that the way I went about everything was wrong. I shouldn’t have called my wife selfish. And I should have put more effort on our anniversary. I only called her and didn’t send her any gifts or flowers on our anniversary, and that’s my fault. I had a discussion with my wife a couple of hours ago, and I apologized for everything, and told her I would make up for it. She actually seemed very happy after the discussion, I think it’s because I apologized and took accountability which admittedly I haven’t done recently. I reassured her that our anniversary is they day I will always cherish the most.
I didn’t speak about my daughter much in the last post because there wasn’t really much to say. She did have a great time at the party. Yes, she missed me, but she’s really happy I’m back now.
TOP COMMENTS
Environmental-Ad1791
Good for you my man, but people like you, give me hope. No matter how daft I'll be, I'll never be this daft
~
Ga1aticOverlord
you didn’t send your wife anything on your anniversary?!?!? Yup that definitely explains her dead reaction in your last post. It sounds like she’s done this dance before. Buy your wife flowers man, damn.
ldnthrwwy
You're still describing the anniversary and birthday as 'insignificant'. Multiple things can be significant at once, and it's your job as a husband, father and sibling to balance them all. You don't pick your favourite and say 'fuck everyone else'. You've still got a huge attitude problem here.
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