This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-07-07 04:02:03+00:00.
I am not The OOP, OOP posted from 2 accounts: u/throwaway01928351 & u/update4everyone
Divorce on table because husband and I cant agree on baby's name
Originally posted to r/relationship_advice
TRIGGER WARNING: emotional infidelity, emotional abuse
Original Post Jan 3, 2019
Hello reddit. This title might look funny but its an actual problem between me (23F) and my husband (24M).
We've been dating for a year, been married for 2 years. I got pregnant like 7 months ago so recently we started discussing name for the baby. Ever since we found out its gonna be a girl my husband wants to name it like his exes name. Its not any ex but the one he dated for long period of time and loved the most. In the beginning of our relationship we had may problems because of her but she moved away so the problems went away. He really loved her and he never hid that from me but I thought it was over once she moved away. Now he made it clear that he wants the baby to have that name and I can name the second child. When I asked him why does he want that name so badly he said just because he and his ex didnt work out doesnt mean he doesnt want something to keep reminding him of her. He doesnt understand how much its affecting me and keeps saying its just the hormones. Is he still in love with the ex or its normal that he wants to name OUR child like that. Thank you!
TOP COMMENTS
gcitt
I knew a woman who wanted to name her baby after an ex. She ended up stabbing the current bf. Just putting that out there.
~
Spoonbills
I'm more concerned about his lack of respect for you as his partner, his number one, his wife. You might try relationship counseling but I suspect his disrespect extends beyond the baby naming issue.
~
Shore16
Tell him that you want to name your second child after one of your previous fuck buddies because the sex was so good you just want to be reminded of it even though things didn't work out.
Like seriously what the fuck is he thinking. I don't know your husband's feelings towards his ex but it's not normal.
~
maryjannie
Wow! He just told you, you are second best. He blatantly is saying he settled with you. No way.
Update - rareddit Jan 18, 2019 (15 days later)
Im sorry for late update but last few weeks have been hell for me. Im gonna write quick update here mostly to thank all those people for opening my eyes about everything. I also apologize for english mistakes because Im from Italy and its not my native language. I followed through most advices in the comments from calling our friends asking for help, asking his mum, talking to him and calling the ex.
This post blew up in 2 days and then I decided to show him comments where everyone said we should not name our child after an ex. He said im listening to "random social media strangers" instead of my husband and called me so many bad names, refuses to talk about it and still wants to name our child like his ex.
Next thing I do is call his mum and mutual friends, his mum called me immature and said its just a name and I should only care about delivering the child healthy and not argue with him over something stupid.
Our friends said they dont wanna get inbetween us and suggested therapy is well. I was really desperate so I did something I never would, I called the ex. She didnt sound surprised at all by it and said she kinda knew he was gonna name the child after her but she explained it fully because he couldnt look me in the eyes and say all that. Two of them had an agreement while they were still in love, to name their children after each other if they dont work out. She left him and obviously grew out of it and said she would never name her child after him because its absurd but she wasnt surprised that he still wants to do that. When I asked her why does she say that, well here comes the shock. MY husband tried getting in contact with her via facebook several times, asked her to meet up etc and she kept refusing because he is a married man. Here you can see that she is not a bad person and btw for anyone who asked her name is Aurora and I wouldnt mind just naming my child Aurora because its a beautiful name and she isnt a bad person but i dont wanna raise someone who will remind my husband of his ex. I thanked her for telling me the truth and asked her to inform me if he tries to contact her again.
I confronted my husband about it and told him I knew the truth. Being an asshole as he is, he admitted and said there is nothing wrong in it, baby is mine, she will look like me and atleast he gets to name it as her like he promised he would. I told him its nonsense and even Aurora said its stupid but he sticked to his decision. We didnt talk much and he spent days and nights out with his SINGLE friends. Pretty soon I get a call from Aurora and she tells me he called her from his friends phone and told her he is single now and asked to meet up and that he would fly up just to see her. After all those years with no contact with her, marriage with me, future daughter.. she is still in his mind and he wants to meet her. Im completely broken. Divorce is the only thing in my mind but it will be so stressful with pregnancy and everything else. I guess I wanted to be blind with him. But thanks to this app I atleast wont spend my life with someone who doesnt even love me.
EDIT: ALSO REDDIT FEEL FREE TO DROP NAMES IN THE COMMENTS. I dont wanna name my child Aurora because it would forever remind me of this incident and I cant think about names so help me out
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Wittyandpithy
SORRY. Sounds like you are still in the shit.
he said there is nothing wrong in it, baby is mine, she will look like me and atleast he gets to name it as her like he promised he would
he called her from his friends phone and told her he is single now and asked to meet up and that he would fly up just to see her
I'm sorry but it sounds like the person you married wishes he married someone else. It is really fucked up. But, I don't think he loves you. He may never have loved you. He may have just settled for you.
BUT there are three wonderful things ahead of you:
• You can be grateful that Aurora has been honest with you. That is really helpful to you.
• You can be grateful you learnt the truth about your ex now, and not in 3 or 5 or 10 years time.
• You can be grateful that now you are able to take back your life and work on creating a happy life in the future.
p.s. his mum sounds just as fucked up as him
Ruval
She should name the baby Borealis just to fuck with her STB Ex.
Nurizeko
Nah, Helia.
Feminine form from the Greek name Helios, Greek god of the sun, I.E. that big shining ball of plasma which is the ultimate source of the aurora borealis.
The ultimate r/MaliciousCompliance
~
Armnl
Well, atleast now you know he is a piece of shit who tries to cheat while his wife is giving birth to his child. You deserve better!
Name her : Elysia
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7