He's going to find a way to compliment himself for "dodging the shot" as if it hadn't been pure dumb luck.
this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2024
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to be fair, this is nothing compared to the number of bullets he dodged in the Vietnam war.
I saw the bullet on the way, dodged it, and directed the return fire before the lady agent went for me (they can't resist me you know)...
Put that into a trump translator and bingo.
And the bullet said, with tears in its eyes: „Sir,….“
Always with the 'sir'
He's probably about to turn it into a "I was spared by the grace of God because my crusade against evil wasn't yet finished" kind of thing.
Ironic, if he had leaned left at the time.
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Rev 13:3
One of the heads of the beast seemed to have had a fatal wound, but the fatal wound had been healed. The whole world was filled with wonder and followed the beast.
Not like his morons read the Bible or anything but it's right there.
How about the part where the beast blasphemes and promises peace?
Yeah yeah yeah he was 8/10 on the general prophecies before, but now you'd really have to be dumb enough to believe the Bible to not see it.
As an initially religious due to upbringing now agnostic "ah fuck."
There are lessons to be learned from the Bible. Religion is certainly about controlling the masses, sure, but control back then wasn't as self-destructive as it is today.
Some religions don't eat pork because pork used to make people sick. Not eating pork was pretty damn good advice at one point in time. The messages about usury are extremely relevant today, and always ignored.
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What are the chances the streak continues? 50/50?
Then I saw a second beast, coming out of the earth. It had two horns like a lamb, but it spoke like a dragon. It exercised all the authority of the first beast on its behalf, and made the earth and its inhabitants worship the first beast, whose fatal wound had been healed. And it performed great signs, even causing fire to come down from heaven to the earth in full view of the people. Because of the signs it was given power to perform on behalf of the first beast, it deceived the inhabitants of the earth. It ordered them to set up an image in honor of the beast who was wounded by the sword and yet lived. The second beast was given power to give breath to the image of the first beast, so that the image could speak and cause all who refused to worship the image to be killed. It also forced all people, great and small, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hands or on their foreheads, so that they could not buy or sell unless they had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of its name.
Yeah I think the author was suffering some ergot poisoning.
Although raining fire from the sky is called Tuesday when you are president of the US. And predicting a universal banking system seems pretty dull at this point.
If ATMs end up with a video of Trump and an automatic cop call if you fail to praise Great Leader, I might have to do some theological soul searching.
Revelations shows just how many times we repeat history.
Within 48 hours, he will set up an auction for his bloodied MAGA hat.
No wonder he kept asking for his shoes when they were moving him off the platform.
Yesterday Democrats: "The media is talking too much about Biden and not enough about Trump."
Today Democrats: "Not like that."
My bad guys; I should have made my wish on a star and not a monkey paw.
The best thing we can do is immediately get bored of it
As you all know there was that fateful day, a very fateful day, in Pennsylvania, where they make the best cheesteaks you know, very fine cheesesteaks, but you have to choose, you have to choose you know between the real Philly style and the other way - I choose the real way because I love Pennsylvania you know - I spend a lot of time there, great state, not as good as Florida, but still great, great golfing in Florida by the way, really the best golfing, did you know I could beat Biden on the golf course any day of the week, but anyway so on that fateful day, I felt a lot like one of my favorite people, Hannibal Lector, as those agents were trying to take me away, you know the police were always taking him places he didn't want to go, but they respected him, they respected a man like that, and I was giving the speech and watching the birds in the trees, did you know that their hockey team almost made it to the Stanley cup this year, that's right, they have the best hockey, the Rangers had a great season, I always go to their games when I'm in Pennsylvania, and so all this only makes me stronger and my wife, my wife thinks I'm very handsome, and even more now with the scar on my ear she says it makes me look rugged like an outdoorsman and did you know Hannibal Lector was an outdoorsman too, and he was in a crash with Alec Baldwin - don't let that guy have a gun I tell you - and he was very rugged and handsome and thank you very much please remember to vote for me in November....
that was almost TOO good
He's always so dramatic about everything. Like, this is America, buddy; lots of people get shot at. It doesn't make you special. And he wasn't even hurt.
America actually has a long tradition of presidents and presidential candidates getting shot. That's why the secret service is as well funded as it is. Statistically, President is actually a pretty dangerous job for exactly this reason.
president me me me me just got a new favorite topic
I guess at least he'll shut the fuck up about windmills
He is going to demand a Purple Heart
How about a purple 💜 earring?
Expect the Reagan "missed me" joke every time a balloon pops.
I wanna go to his next one and yell bang
Tries to talk like a tough guy. Never done anything tough guy in his life. Gets shot in ear. Falls down. Shits himself.
tough guy talk intensifies x100
The world’s biggest victim will now claim to be the worlds biggest crime victim.
He’s already talking about how it felt to get shot and how he felt the bullet, when it appears he got hit with broken glass instead.
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