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Two people both wanting to cancel, forcing themselves to go to something neither of them want to be at, is truly the backbone of society.

It would just lead to the decay of society

Add it the pile, I guess.

All civilization was just an attempt to avoid looking like a douche.

DON'T CANCEL PLANS.

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That's not insecurity, that's straight-up dysfunctional.

ADHD is a hell of an impulsivity multiplier. Everything sounds amazing at the time…when it comes to doing the actual thing, it can seem like climbing Mt. Everest. Time also works differently for some of us (Time Blindness fucks up much more than just this one area of our lives). As a result, when we make plans, those plans are “out there” or “some other time in the future” or “not now”. So when it comes time to do the thing, you forgot it was ever going to happen. Dates and days are hard to keep track of, too. Things have either already happened, are happening now, or are some nebulous blob of “will happen at some point”…which doesn’t quantify anything at all.

As a result, when things go from “future” to “now”, we’re often caught by surprise and haven’t been anticipating it, so we don’t prepare. Maybe we planned to sleep in that day, etc, and when you get a reminder the night before, it can be very jarring.

I hope I’m not making this sound stupid, it’s hard to explain but it is a real thing. And no amount of reminders or calendars or alerts will “cure” it…they help, but you can’t plan for every occurrence and some apps won’t let you set multiple alarms a week out, a few days out, 1 day, hours, etc. It’s limited to 1 or 2 that are pre-programmed, and if you want more you have to manually input them all them every time. Not easy to do when you’re in the middle of paying your bill after a doctor’s visit with other people waiting behind you.

It sucks.

People are conditioned to pretend to agree and to pretend to care. Much of school is about teaching students to pretend to listen or pretend to agree. When someone asks "How are you?" usually they are pretending to care.

It can be annoying when someone pretends to want do something to instead of being honest, but it can also be annoying for to the event planner to plan an event only for no one to want to participate.

When the people around you are routinely dishonest(in subtle ways), as is common in school, work or society, it feels necessary to adapt the same behavior to conform to the norm.

Why? There's an app for that!

You're describing social anxiety, not introversion.

Its not that introverts don't want to, per se, we just aren't prepared at the moment to deal with others.

I take calls all day, offer IT support to entitled doctors. Sometimes I don't even want to talk to my wife after work.

It isn't her, it isn't anyone else having a problem, its just... I do NOT have the energy to mentally deal with people.

So much consideration, and empathy, and shit I just don't possess in great deals. I spend most of that shit at work.

Why is an introvert in a help desk position? Cause I'm fucking stuck here. I lost a GOOD job in the pandemic and I'm trying to survive.

At least I've upgraded my back up job source from retail to help desk. It pays better, has benefits, etc. I can always do it, I just fucking hate it.

Get out of here with your sensible approach to life!

You wouldn't know who cancelled before whom. I twould only declare results at every 15 minutes thats atleast 10 minute since last someone voted.

Finally, a part of the world where I can comfortably exist

You're not wrong, but social anxiety and social guilt are mother fuckers even when you know you have understanding friends

True friends will still want you to come but understand if you bail out.

True friendship is a two-way give and take. For some things, friendship means giving up some level of autonomy and self interest to provide something that your friend wants. In some contexts, showing up is important to the friend and a few repeated snubs/cancellations ends up communicating to the friend that they're not important to you. At that point they can start revisiting whether this is a "true friendship" or not and protect themselves by pushing away.

And it's not just not coming out. It's also the implied precursor here, that two people have made plans together. There's some level of reliance on the other, and bailing at the last minute is often seen as much ruder than just not agreeing to hang out in the first place.

Or, alternatively, the other person starts to understand that you have a preference against hanging out, like it's a chore or a favor. They're your friend, and they want to do right by you, so they just stop inviting you out and asking that favor of you, and then you drift apart and wonder why.

Friendship is about understanding other people, and empathizing even when their personalities and thought process are different. Friendships are hard enough to maintain past 30, and keeping them requires some level of conscious effort, especially for introverts.

Bonus points: My child is grown and out so no longer works as an excuse, but while I was raising her, I progressed so far out of my social circles that nobody ever tries to set anything up with me in the first place, thus negating any further need to cancel!

Yes, same thing happened with mojoupgrade. It's a questionnaire of sex stuff. You and your partner both fill it in. Then you'd see a list of all the stuff you both wanted to try. If either said "no" on anything, the other would be none the wiser. It was often abused (mostly by women) who would answer "yes" to everything so they could see the answers of their partner and give them grief about their wants.