The Onion

4703 readers

1023 users here now

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago

MODERATORS

145

submitted 5 months ago by can@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social

5 comments fedilink hide all child comments

all 6 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] CorneliusTalmadge@lemmy.world 59 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Do a flip!

[–] Repelle@lemmy.world 27 points 5 months ago

Please, old friend, don't jump! Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

[–] kamenlady@lemmy.world 31 points 5 months ago (1 children)

At press time, reports confirmed firefighters had arrived to carry the man to the top floor.

He was lucky to have such good people supporting him to succeed.

[–] can@sh.itjust.works 10 points 5 months ago

I can only hope I'll be so lucky.

[–] PythagreousTitties@lemm.ee 26 points 5 months ago (1 children)

"The people who love you want you dead, not injured!”.

That's... Actually a very valid concern.