Asklemmy

"Sorry, this job doesn't seem like a good fit or healthy working environment. Have a good rest of your day"

I'm an Engineer. I am not customer facing. Put my pen back.

take the pen and leave. when they ask for the pen back, say it's $10.

I got a sales job offer on the spot by first highlighting the limited use of a single pen and without extra's on hand its negative business impacts. Then stated I had tons of pens available in my car and positioned selling them at least 100, but recommended they acquire 1000+ as this prevents potential issues plus gets them a better deal. Pretty solid approach in my experience.

Just cross your arms, smile wryly, and comment on how pathetic the Interviewer's pen is. Cheap material, runny ink, a grip that's painful to hold. Wish him good luck in taking notes on subsequent interviews.

Then lean in, and say "But, you know? I've got a premium writing utensil. It's crafted in the Netherlands by a Space Age engineering firm. It's designed to fit comfortably between your fingers. And the Indian ink that runs through it glistens and glides smoothly through a specially crafted tip."

Pull out a business card with absolutely beautiful handwriting on it. Just as he expresses surprise and interest, sigh and say "But... It's really not for you. It's really more of a thing for your boss, or your boss's boss."

Start getting up to leave, and wait for him to come running after you.

This pen is mine but I’ll let you borrow it for a month for free.

After a month it will be $5 per use. Or you can choose an $8/month option for an ongoing pen subscription. Think of that, you only need to use the pen TWICE this whole month to have maximized the pen value.

If you need different pens sometimes, for just $11.50/month I’ll get you access to my other two pen colours. These can be booked online using an exclusive, easy to use app.

Again, pen is totally free right now for one whole month so you can just go ahead and start using it. I just need to grab your credit card information to make future borrowing of the pen as convenient as possible for you.

"No, it's mine, go and buy one by yourself"

And now you've got a pen that you didn't have at the start of the interview, and you've given capitalism a lesson of capitalism.

I got my first job at 15 answering this question. I sold cordless (not cellular, cordless) phones at Sears

The "easy" answer to this question is to pick up the pen, then ask the interviewer if they can write something down. They'll look for a pen, which you're holding. You smile, and say, "if you'd like, I have something to assist with that request..." and trail off a bit. Some people will laugh at this joke and it's enough for them to pass the test. Personally, I'm not a fan of this method.

My 15 year old self hadn't heard this question before, so I just picked the pen up and started listing the wonderful qualities of this pen, and how quickly your life would be enhanced if you had it. "It has the deepest of royal blue hues, with a rich writing sensation and smooth flow on the paper. The grip allows for ultimate comfort, so the pen is usable all day long without any soreness in the fingers or hand. It's so well shaped and ergonomical, you can barely feel it in your hand. And with the above-industry-standard sized ink chamber, you'll be able to use this pen far longer than the competition. This pen has both the value and form that the modern consumer has come to expect in their premium pen buying experience."

And so forth. Basically, do sales stuff

"Sell me this pen"

"Okay." *takes pen "Write down your name."

"I need a pen."

"Exactly. Supply and demand."

Bullshit that only true bullshitters can spew.

Isn't the whole idea of the pen sale pitch that you basically have to ignore the pen?

Step one: ask what the person’s use case is, then match it. It’s a standard interview trap to present this “sell this pen” thing as a test where the “potential customer” needs to prop up their window or poke a hole in a balloon or something stupid like that, just so they can turn down the people who hype up the writing capabilities. Always ask what they need first.

Why would I sell you something you already own? That's obviously your pen, so I don't have the rights to try and sell it. That would be a clear ethical violation.

"Okay, so let's say you hire me as a senior engineer. I put in a request for a gross of these pens for my office; price 50¢ apiece; total seventy-two bucks plus shipping and tax. Do you sign off on it?"

What the flux do you need a pen for? Now, let me show you these unique single pixel NFTs...

Say we only sell pens on pen island.

“Don’t need to: you’ve already bought it.”

put the pen in your pocket and ask "what pen?"

I give you 2 dollar if you take this pen.

(Because everyone has too many pens already and wouldn't even want one for $0.01 and I want to get rid of this pen or else have to pay for its recycling)

It's about selling the pen and not making a profit, right?

Fuck you, it's my pen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UspZGJ-TrI

"Do you need a pen?"

Ask them if they've ever watched Casino and smile

People buy based on what they want to be. Sell the pen in a way that makes the buyer think this product is the one thing they needed to finally get started on their goals and become the version of themself they built in their heads.