this post was submitted on 20 Aug 2024
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Funny: Home of the Haha

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[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 67 points 2 months ago (2 children)

"Yeah, I died."

"You... Died?"

"Well, I got better."

[–] Hazmatastic@lemm.ee 6 points 2 months ago

Sounds like something a witch might say...

[–] PopShark@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I mean this is possible with modern medicine provided we include death to mean like a very short death before resuscitation lol

[–] stoicmaverick@lemmy.world 12 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Nurse here: This drives me nuts. Patients tell me all the time their harrowing story about how they were "dead for 6 minutes" or however long, before being "brought back to life" and their oxygen depleted brain made them hallucinate heaven, and how real it was. Dead means brain death. Your heart rhythm at the time has nothing to do with it. Unfortunately, explaining this to someone who is trying to explain why they appreciate life now makes you an asshole, so I don't.

[–] PopShark@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] stoicmaverick@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

You're welcome. Now I'm going to remain on this soapbox and loudly explain to anyone within earshot, without being asked, why the entire vitamin aisle at your local grocery store is a scam unless you have a clinical deficiency....

[–] Fosheze@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

Exactly. Hell, now a days you could spend a couple weeks without any pulse or breathing by being hooked up to an ECMO and you'd still be fine once they got your shit going again.

[–] Boozilla@lemmy.world 60 points 2 months ago (5 children)

Assuming this is real: Some people are incorrectly declared dead and it becomes a gigantic bureacratic hassle to deal with. I could see those poor bastards needing to get a copy of the certificate for themselves to try to clear it up.

Because in this Boring Dystopia, "computer says dead" is going to make it impossible to do almost anything. However, for some brave adventureres, I suppose it could be a brand new start.

[–] MindTraveller@lemmy.ca 24 points 2 months ago

You've been declared legally dead. Your bank has cancelled your credit card. You go to the bank to get your credit card fixed, and the teller says there's nothing they can do because you're dead.

Do you say:
A) BRAAAAIIIINS
B) I got better
C) Apparently I'm the second coming of Jesus Christ

[–] VelvetStorm@lemmy.world 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Ok, so bad advice time.

Or you just stop paying taxes and other stuff like that, and the government will fix this issue for you real quick.

[–] genuineparts@infosec.pub 1 points 2 months ago

Same with trying to collect life insurance.

[–] lud@lemm.ee 9 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)
[–] dch82@lemmy.zip 1 points 2 months ago

"Computer = Truth"

[–] TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

Knew someone whose dead son had identity stolen. They found out when the wife went to collect death benefits.

PROVE YOU CRIED THOSE TEARS

[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Pretty sure someone just typed in “Myself “ where the name is supposed to be. And the “Someone else” box is a selection list for relation to the person like Spouse/Child

[–] Boozilla@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

Probably. With the text centered it's a little ambiguous. Could be a button or a textbox.

[–] unreachable@lemmy.world 11 points 2 months ago
[–] Darkassassin07@lemmy.ca 9 points 2 months ago

Hello; I'm just calling to let you know I'm dead.

[–] snausagesinablanket@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

Did he died?

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago