This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/vulpix2317 on 2024-09-15 21:07:53+00:00.
Today I fucked up, well okay so firstly, not today but about a year ago I was walking to my car, which was parked behind my flat in a car park. It was 7am, I was looking at my phone and it was September and the south of England.
Little did I know, the whole carpark/path and road had frozen over night. Not just a little ice like you'd expect for a beach town, but ICE. Now, two things to note, 1, I was born with eardrum issues, 2, your ears control your balance...
So, by some miracle, I had made it to the middle of the car park before the ice decided I was now far enough from anything to grab onto and tripped me.
I proceeded to run in place like a damn looney tune cartoon until eventually I fell back and hit my head and the small of my back.
Feeling brave and strong and like the independent woman I wish I was, I proceeded to try to stand up, and made it 5 of my 5 foot 3 height before the ice took me again, this time however, I didn't run or fall, nope. I proceeded to do some kind of gymnastic/bambi/possessed splits with one leg going straight left and the other going straight behind me. Like a damn clock at 9:30.
As I was laying on the ice, it was at this point that I spotted my car, not only was it 15 feet away, but it was also incased in ice, complete with icicles connected the car to the ground.
In the most graceful zombie crawl I could manage, I crawled to my car to find the door was also iced shut. 3 hard tuggs later and finally the bastard opened and I lifted my fat ass into the seat, one leg normal and the other hanging outside and refusing to bend. Apparently unlike the rest of me, this leg is now determined to be straight...
Now, problem 2, I am now stuck here and need to call work because fuck am I going in. This starts the 15 minute phone call with my boss who I've only worked for, for a couple months. The entire time I described the previous story, I could hear him struggling not to laugh, until the bambi flail and then he proceeded to break and historically laugh for 10 more minutes until the call was finished.
Contemplating my options, I decide to drive my car towards the flat entrance, given I can't walk the over 100 feet journey. Just one problem, my poor, old car is still cased in ice, 60 minutes of the engine running and all heaters on, I finally managed to see enough through the windshield to coast my way along.
15 more minutes of hobbling up the stairs to my flat and I collapsed on my sofa where I proceeded to be stuck with a swollen knee for 3 days.
When I finally made it into the office, limping my way along, my manager took one look at me and laughed for another 10 minutes.
And this concludes the story of how I became friends with my boss.
TL;DR My dumb ass made in to a middle of a carpark before slipping on ice, twice and having to army crawl to my car,phone in sick to work and hobble back home.