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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/TrueNefariousness462 on 2024-09-16 10:42:33+00:00.
To preface this story, I am going to start with my opinion - I do not believe what my daughter did was wrong. In fact, I am incredibly proud of her, even though she may have been overzealous, her reasoning are very much in the right place. We have discussed at length what she should do if ever in this situation again (which I hope she is not).
So, lets start in the beginning, as it is the best place to start.
(TL:DR at the bottom, as per tradition - also, just letting you all know this is a new account and my first time posting on Reddit - long time lurker - if I did anything wrong, sorry)
I, 35F, have a wonderful 9 year old daughter. She is smart, and outgoing and just incredibly strong. 2 years ago, me and my ex-husband divorced. He fell out of love with me and fell into the bed of a 21 year old, its a story as old as time, but it doesn't hurt any less. About 6 months ago, I was mugged on my way home from work. I was messed up, I was covered in bruises, and in a lot of distress mentally. My ex is not a present father, he moved to France for work about 3 months after the divorce was finalised, so he wasn't able to help look after my daughter while I was healing, she spent some time with my Mum. But she saw me at my worst.
I have a lot of guilt about that.
She began getting very anxious to leave the house, she didn't want to leave my side. She was worried Mummy would get hurt again.
A friend of mine's son was being bullied at school a while back. She enrolled him in some karate classes, not for fighting, more to build his confidence and it really worked for him. She suggested that maybe putting my girl in some classes may help her feel more secure. I suggested this to her and she wanted to do them, but wanted me to do them too. Which to be honest, was probably a very good decision - I spoke to the Sensei and asked if I could sit in on the beginners class with her etc. I explained the situation, and he agreed.
We both loved it, she picked it up so quick and she loved the play activities with the other children. A few months after we started, she was leaps and bounds ahead of me and ready to play with a more advanced level of students. The bonus of that is the night the advanced kids met, was after the beginner adults met.
So we changed out nights, I started training with adults, she carried on with the advanced kids. She has picked it up so quickly. Her confidence in her ability is sky high too.
A few times when we have been out she has seen something that has worried her, like someone walking towards us and she will grip my hand a little tighter and move herself in front of me. I keep reminding her I am the adult, we are safe and this is not her burden. (For anyone wondering, Mental Health Care is hard in the UK. We are not very well supported, she has spoken to a counceller that works with her school, she hasn't said that she needs to see anyone more, but we are on a waiting list. Therapy never hurt anyone, so why not look into it. But I can't afford to go private and the NHS just takes a very, very long time)
Fast forward a few weeks, last week was her first week back in school after the summer holidays. There was a new student in her class, we will call them Alex. Alex and my daughter have become the fastest of friends. She couldn't stop speaking about him on Monday when she came home from school. "Alex likes this food", "Alex likes this TV show", "Alex said", "Alex did" etc. Its adorable, but my kid has took it upon herself to be Alex's bodyguard. Alex is a very expressive child. They wear a school uniform, but Alex like's to wear nail polish, he has long hair which they wear pulled back or in a plait. He has bows on his shoes. He just wears what he wants and has the confidence to rock a potato sack if that is what he feels comfy in. His parents are amazing too. They have been so welcoming of my daughter and me too. We have had drinks this weekend after the incident and they are wonderful people.
So, the incident.
Last Thursday, Alex changed his black nail polish for a deep plum purple colour. Some of the boys in their class decided to show how bad their upbringing was and told Alex "you're a boy, you shouldn't wear girly things, because thats what makes you gay". Both Alex and my daughter told them to shut up, and go bother someone else. This is when one of the bullies says "If you're wearing girly stuff tomorrow, I'm going to kill you." (Yeah... you read that right).
So my girl, being a defiant little menace decided she wasn't going to tell an adult (we have had a very long conversation about this, don't worry) and she was going to handle this herself... Alex also decided he was going to handle things his own way too.
Friday morning rolls round, the plum nail polish has gone and in its place is the most beautiful and vivid pink you have ever seen and his hair was in an elaborate viking style plait. It must have took a while. It was stunning.
Well, apparently, this was like waving a red flag in front of the bully boys face. He marched up to Alex and told him he was going to kill him at lunch time. My girl told him he could try but she wouldn't let him.
Lunch came around and they were outside for playtime. True to his word the bully started to run at Alex and my girl took him out.
Now, bare in mind up until this morning I only really had the details from two nine year olds. So when Alex told me she flew, I was fairly hesitant to believe him. He told me she punched the boy in the face, made him bleed, which made him cry and now he is petrified of her.
I got a phone call from the school after lunch asking me to come and pick her up because she has been suspended for fighting. Alex was refusing to leave her and saying that if she was suspended so was he because it wasn't her fault. Alex's dad arrived at the same time I did to collect out kids, the headmaster told us that it was pending an investigation and we would be called in for a meeting on Monday.
Obviously when my daughter told me the full story I was livid, I asked why she didn't tell a teacher, she said she wanted to handle it so he knew he couldn't threaten people, but she told a teacher after the fact and they didn't believe her. So I am even more livid at this point. I contact Alex's parents and discuss, have a drink, bond over our kids etc.
So... this morning. 8am rolls around, I am sat in front of the headmaster, he begins to bemoan about how my daughter has brought violence to the school, how she has broken a boys nose and I SHIT YOU NOT, how this is very unladylike behaviour. I was honestly aghast. "We are a zero tolerance school when it comes to violence"... My daughter had been stood on top of a little wall at the edge of the playground, essentially keeping watch. She saw the kid running towards Alex, when he got close enough she launched herself off the wall, straight at the boy. She essentially did a flying punch, landed on him and then proceeded to lock her arms in his and keep him in place until the playtime supervisor arrived.
I asked him how his investigation has gone, and he said he has spoken to the boy and because this was a "completely unprovoked attack" my daughter would be suspended further for the week, with a behaviour management programme and she would be expected to appologise to the boy she hit. I'll be honest guys, I have never been the confrontational type, I think it skipped a generation. But in that moment I summoned the spirit of my little girl.
I asked him how he could have completed the "investigation" if neither my daughter, Alex or the parents had been involved. How he had come to such a conclusion without any facts or evidence? He just stumbled over his words. I asked him "so is this what happens when students call someone names and threaten to kill them? You punish the person protecting them". He was silent and said it was the first time he has heard of this and that he had been told it was unprovoked and my daughter was the only aggressor. I asked him who told him this and he was silent. I then called him a liar and that he was informed of the situation because both my daughter and Alex told him. I left the meeting telling him that my daughter was not suspended, however she would not be in school until the situation had been dealt with to a satisfactory conclusion. I have emailed her teacher and asked her to forward any work she would have been doing in class and she will do it from home.
I have her with me in the office today, and my boss is letting me work from home for the rest of the week.
I know I am responsible in part for what she has done, I know violence isn't the answer. I am very proud of her for standing up for what she believes in, but we have had a talk about how she needs to always tell me things like this.
I am furious with her school. I called Alex's mum when I got out of the meeting. Alex isn't in today because they are having a meeting this afternoon about the bullying Alex has been subjected too. She has supported my actions though and said that if she doesn't get the right response today she will be pulling Alex too.
There aren't many primary schools locally that will have space left for them if the best decision is to pull them out of this school permanently, but I am not happy with how the headmaster has dealt with the situation to be honest.
Thanks for listening. I just needed to word vomit into a void.
I have fuc...
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