Asklemmy

Overdose (Xanax and Alcohol)

I was meeting a friend from out of the state and got a bit big for my britches trying to show off how cool I was and made some poor judgment.

Somehow ended back in my apartment with a bunch of medics checking me out, I don’t even remember getting home from the bar.

First and only time ever using Xanax

Bumped my head with another kid in 6th grade at recess. When we went back in for reading time I realised I couldn't read and had a headache, so I told my teacher and went up to the front office. I remember sitting down waiting for my mum to pick me up, then next thing I know I'm laying down in a hospital bed. Apparently I got a really bad concussion and went crazy and I don't remember a thing, I'm glad I don't lol.

Almost choked to death on potato. Fell to the ground, which loosened potato.

Heart stopped beating. I could feel the lack of oxygen despite breathing like mad. Thought "Fuck, tomorrow my mom is going to find me dead in my bed" (I still was a student living close enough to university to commute). Luckily, one of the built-in safety mechanisms kicked in and my heart restarted. Spent some weeks in hospital after that so they could find me a better medication than the one I was using.

According to my brain, every time I have to interact with a stranger.

Lights turn green, I step on the road, I have no words for this other than spidey sense tingles, I step back, car shoots past me.

I believe god was with me that day because I did not see or hear the car approaching it was that fast.

I put a gun to my head, ready to end it all.

Woke up in a hospital. No drugs involved.

I drove myself there. The gun was in the glove compartment. Apparently, I self admitted through ED.

I remember NOTHING from gun to my head to waking up in the hospital.

Not sure if that qualifies as near death, but I think I was.

I am better now. That was years ago, I came close again recently, but this time I have answers about myself and a place to start.

High stress job led to alcohol, smoking, high risk lifestyle almost ended me at 27 with a bleeding ulcer. In bed for a day or so before my then girlfriend found me and called the hospital. ER, blood transfusion, 2wk stay, 2wk recoup at home with daily iron injection, prescription meds for a month to keep the acid low.

Special diet for a month (no processed food, no caffeine, no nicotine, no pepper, no hard foods-spft, mushy, etc.

Got my shit together, woke up. No more smoking, alcohol (eventually) in moderation, healthier coping mechanisms- at one point when the stress ramped up in the job (still in the same career field) I was training/running triathlons. Married that then girlfriend, 25+ years on, 2 grown ass kids.

27 club is no joke...just happy I wasn't a celebrity.

Rode a horse.

Woke up in a hospital.

Discovered I'm like insanely allergic to horses; airway was completely fucked.

Someone hit me with an epi-pen after recognizing the signs - good chance I'd be dead otherwise. Unsure if it was a staff member or just a random person who happened to be carrying an epi-pen; I was pretty little when it happened, and only vaguely recall getting up on the horse and nothing after, but I'm told I just randomly went all dead-weight and flopped off and face planted in the dirt.

Thanks, random stranger with epi!

A bunch.

Two while snowboarding. First time I hit some rocks that were hidden in fresh snow. When I checked my helmet, a rock had pierced it in the back of my head. It was easily a fatal hit had I not had my helmet on. The second time I accidentally rode off a cliff (took the wrong line). I landed on my back in powder but a snapped branch was sticking up two inches below my left arm pit. Had I fallen four inches to the left, it would have impaled me through the heart.

I lost count how many while surfing. Lost a surfer I was trying to rescue and almost drowned myself.

Oddly, never while downhill skateboard racing.

Twice while riding a motorcycle.

Once in a car. A pickup hydroplaned on the interstate right ahead of me. It went in the ditch, overcorrected and came right at my door at speed. I turned my wheel into it so it wouldn't t-bone me but instead I missed it entirely and all I got was mud on my car and in my underware.

Blockage in three of my four main heart arteries. Two were 99% blocked. It required four emergency stents in my heart. I should be dead for sure from that one but a little voice in my head told me to skip the boat trip and go to the ER because I felt "funny".

Stage 3 cancer. Beat it but lost my singing voice. Fuck cancer.

I don't know if that was a near death experienced, but one time I have nearly collapsed when commuting on a bus, after I drank 5 cups of coffee. My blood pressure went through the roof.

It also made me think some things in my life.

Thrice, all a long time ago:

• Driving back alone from a group camping trip. Got stuck in a freak snowstorm in the mountains, without chains. Stalled and started sliding back towards a really deep ravine. Hit the brakes, but it kept skidding through the sleet. Had the car door open, ready to bail. The car came to a stop, barely inches from the edge.

• Walked out of the shower in a towel. Faced a tweaker with a gun standing in my apartment. Demanded my wallet. Took out the cash. Wasn't much. He paused, trying to decide what to do next. I really wasn't sure which way it would go. He left.

• Flight instructor had checked off on doing a solo, then left town. Was nervous, but he had told me to put in the flight hours in his absence. Practicing short take-off/landings and go-arounds. Little single-engine trainer. On the first touch-and-go, I forgot to take off full flaps, which meant maximum drag on the wings. Got barely 1000 ft above ground, then the engine began to sputter. The plane stalled, and started a slow-mo, nose-down spin toward the ground. I remember stopping breathing. Then the brain kicked in. Figured it out. Recovered from the spin way too close to the ground. The most sphincter-clenching, stupidest moment of my life.

Nearly drowned once falling into a lake and not knowing how to swim. I didn't think about death, it was more "how do I get out". Luckily someone else got my hand.

I was around 21-22 years old. My step-dad got a boat and we had a big family picnic at the bay. We went tubing and started with the youngest sibling up to the oldest, me. Each of us got a progressively more intense ride. I knew I was up for a crazy ride, so I sat cross-legged IN the tube. That was a huge mistake and very dangerous, always lay on top of the tube in case what I'm about to tell you ever happens to you.

It was fine for a few minutes, despite the intensity. Suddenly, the way the boat turned combined with the wake and position I was sitting, the actual tube launched out from the cover/rope that attaches to the boat and that wrapped around my neck and luckily, one of my arms. I was pulled behind the boat for a few minutes, slowly blacking out, as I finally came to, floating naked in the bay. Luckily my step-brother noticed the tube was gone and told him to stop the boat. No idea when my bathing suit got ripped off but luckily it was floating nearby. I had a huge rope-burnrash across my chest, under my arm, and around my neck. Pretty sure if it wouldn't have went under my arm, it would have snapped my neck.

That was well over a decade ago and I haven't been in the ocean since.

I've had the whole life flashing before your eyes thing.

The night I lost my virginity. Got high with this girl and watched a movie that was terrible and then we ended up hooking up and I'd put so much expectation into what sex was going to be like that when it actually came to it it just wasn't what I thought it would be.

Couldn't cum. So after doing everything I could possibly think of to do for about an hour I gave up and really shittily faked my orgasm and then I took the girl home.

Got back home and I blue balled myself so I took care of it and right after I came I had an epiphany. Being a kid and hyper sexualized I had messed around with my brother and sister, never going so far is actually having penetrative sex or anything but yeah. All of that shit flashed before my eyes and it hit me like a bolt of lightning out of the blue.

The stress was so much that every single bone in my rib cage right down my sternum cracked. It sounded like a gunshot had gone off. And it set my heart on fire with pain and misery and shame and guilt and an absolute detestation of my very existence that I that that I just I can't express it it's the only thing I understand in this universe to be "ineffable" is what I felt at that moment.

And I don't know if it was a blessing or a curse.

I spoke to my siblings after I had recuperated some and apologized for my wrongdoing in our childhood and for the most part we worked all of that out but God damn. Like, I was not mentally prepared to get drop kicked in the soul on the same night that I lost my virginity.

There were other things going on at that time too. I had been writing poetry and sometimes when I would write poetry I would feel like this flash of fiery warmth and it's like I would automatically know what the poem is going to be and it would flow out of me in this beautiful golden Rush.

I had books and books and books of poems I had written like this.

And I was attempting to write a poem when all of this happened and instead almost like I was possessed like it was automatic writing I wrote out all of my sins on several sheets of paper. My heart burned like someone had dropped an ember of burning hot coal on it as all of my sins were ripped out of me against my will.

It left me so shook that in all of the years since then I have only been able to kind of sort of cry a single time.

It felt like being abandoned by God, or rather it felt like suddenly getting caught by him and immediately thrown into hell for 5 minutes, only to be dragged back out with the fires still licking my skin from the inside and then being left to think about what I had done.

I'm talking about the bad side of it but there was a good side too because it opened my eyes to how I was living and what I was doing and even though I'm still horribly imperfect and terrified of being imperfect but helpless to not be imperfect, I am not as bad as I was I think.

And there were other times too where that same golden warmth would come up to me in the middle of a conversation and I would be talking to someone and all of a sudden I would know exactly what to say and in those moments where this would happen it's like pleasure and joy and fire would rise up out of my heart and reach out to the other person and touch them and in those moments I know the words that I have said have made a positive impact on someone else's life, but they weren't my words, they were the words of this fire and spirit inside of me.

All these years later that fire still burns. It never stops. It cannot be forgotten for me. And no matter how many times I explain it, people just generally do not believe that this actually happened to me. They think that it is a mental break or a bit of psychosis or some self delusion that I have put myself under to deal with the trauma of the incest and unfettered sexual promiscuity of my childhood.

And sometimes I'm afraid that that event was my soul leaving my body. And sometimes I'm afraid that it was the sudden inrush of the inhabitation of God that I had been searching for.

And as far as I know no one else has ever felt the way I feel. I can't find any literature on it. The closest I can relate to are those Christian iconographies of a heart with a crown on it and barbed wire and fire.

But you would think that if that was the inhabitation of God that the inclination to sin would have been driven away from me and yet I still sin just like everybody else.

So I don't know. I don't think I would recommend it to anyone else. Just wish I could meet someone who had been through that and knew what it was and could guide me.

I've been on a motorcycle for over 25 years now and I've had some near misses but nothing serious.

That's an amazing story and lucky you for making it through. I've known of two people in my circle who died from motorcycle accidents and a few more in my community and region who died .... it's also amazing to realize that you don't need to be riding fast in order to get killed on a motorcycle. One woman in my town was at an intersection, moved across in an awkward way, got hit by a truck and neither were moving fast, she just got hit in a particular way, knocked down, pinned down by the truck, crushed and then died on the way to the hospital.

My near death experience was not as dramatic as yours. I was a dumb teen on a four wheeler on gravel. I did a major jump without knowing it out expecting it, launched about 20 feet in the air, landed front wheels first, launched forward and smashed my face in the gravel. Thankfully the atv went flying in a different direction and didn't land on me. I also didn't have a helmet on. I didn't get knocked out and I was aware the whole time. I was just lucky I was fit strong and landed in a lucky way that didn't hurt me too much.

I have a cousin who fell off an atv as a passenger, landed the wrong way, hit her head (again no helmet) severely injured, treated in hospital for a day before she died from injuries.

Motorcycles and ATV are dangerous machines

Got shot.

https://caselaw.findlaw.com/court/in-court-of-appeals/1982522.html

A couple of heart attacks. Only sad when thinking how sad my mom and dog would be if I died. Otherwise, pretty chill. Once the morphine kicked in I didn't care about anything.

Does it count if I don't really remember it? I was 8. It was a week before summer break. I was waiting for my mother to come home from work (sitting on the front steps to our house). A friend of mine called me across the street. I went. I didn't make it to the other side. Hit and run driver crashed right into me, dragged me half a block and left me for dead. Neighbors said he didn't even look back. They never caught him. I don't remember waking up in the ambulance. I had a head wound and a broken leg (compound fracture, pierced the skin). I remember them having to set the bone and then take me to another hospital (a children's hospital). I remember being drugged. And waking up to my mom sleeping in the chair next to me. I have no memory of anything from the time I was crossing the street to the time I was in the ICU at the first hospital. They wouldn't let me move my head. I don't remember being scared or in pain or anything until they had to set the bone to straighten out my leg to splint it.

Even the aftermath (10 weeks in a body cast that went from my breast bone down to cover everything but the toes of my broken leg) is kind of a hazy mess. Except that I then fell down the stairs and broke my arm too. Added insult to injury.

Everyone I have met who rode motorcycles has a story like this. Then they lift up their pant leg or shirt to show you ghastly huge scars.

Not really, just some high-speed near misses on my motorcycle.

Lived in Florida for almost a decade

I fell out on fent twice, both times I ended up in the ICU. I experienced the exact same shit I felt from a MeO-DMT trip. And both times a clockwork elf literally put their long weird arm on me and said "it's not your time yet friend." Then I felt felt extreme whiplash and despite not being fully conscious I distinctly remember hearing the pulse monitor beeping and knew I wasn't dead.

You can accidentally double dose on Trazadone like I did and have it feel like life is slipping away as yoy fight with every ounce to keep your eyes open while everything goes dark.

But really you just sleep extra hard.

You were knocked out for a day?