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Man 'beats up 7 monks' in rural monastery rampage while declaring himself Jesus (www.mirror.co.uk)

submitted 3 days ago by Emperor@feddit.uk to c/andfinally@feddit.uk

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A brutal series of attacks at a rural monastery in Spain over the weekend has left several people injured, after an assailant reportedly broke in and declared "I am Jesus Christ and I am going to kill the monks." Following a lengthy search of the countryside around Valencia, police have arrested a man on suspicion of carrying out the vicious attack, which left a 76-year-old man fighting for his life.

Initial reports on Saturday indicated that a Catholic Bishop had been killed during the violent rampage, during which the assailant is alleged to have used a historical artefact, as well as a glass bottle, to attack monks at the monastery. However, emergency services have since confirmed that no one died, but one individual remains in a critical condition in hospital following the assault

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[–] Fizz@lemmy.nz 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

GTA 6 is going to have to work really hard to top the current reality.

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Screw gta, this is something out of postal.

[–] Fizz@lemmy.nz 2 points 2 days ago

The monks should have signed his petition

[–] Asafum@feddit.nl 24 points 3 days ago

Goddamn it Jesus you couldn't go do the money changers again? The banks my man not monks, the banks!

[–] Zier@fedia.io 12 points 3 days ago

Religion, the eternal mental illness.

[–] Mr_Blott@feddit.uk 12 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Strange how if you search for another source rather than clicking an utter shitrag like The Mirror, every single result is by an utter fucking shitrag

[–] Sergio@slrpnk.net 2 points 2 days ago

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/spain-friars-killed-injured-monastery/

https://elpais.com/espana/2024-11-10/detenido-el-autor-del-ataque-que-dejo-a-siete-monjes-heridos-en-el-monasterio-de-gilet.html - El País is considered a newspaper of record, the automated translation isn't too bad.

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 14 points 3 days ago (2 children)

I am intrigued as to what the "historical artefact" is.

[–] Death_Equity@lemmy.world 8 points 3 days ago (2 children)

It just so happened to be the monastery that kept the cudgel of St. Patrick.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 1 points 23 hours ago

An elegant weapon for a more civilized age.

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 3 points 3 days ago

THAT’S what St. Patrick’s Day should be about.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 9 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

This makes me wanna go have fisticuffs with this Jesus guy declaring myself Methuselah. Get him in a headlock and demand he bless me.

[–] Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 7 points 3 days ago

“Jesus tags in Herod the Great! Herod’s climbing the turnbuckles… he’s on the top rope… pauses a moment to get the crowd behind him… oh, he’s going for the elbow drop on Methuselah…!”

[–] kokesh@lemmy.world 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

It's a fighting Jesus then

[–] FooBarrington@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago

He's not the Jesus we want, but he's the Jesus we need

[–] Commiunism@beehaw.org 4 points 3 days ago

Dunno about you but I believe him

[–] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago

Welp. Title claimed.