The Onion

4695 readers

389 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago

MODERATORS

seahorse@midwest.social

pbrisgreat@midwest.social

382

Study: Overuse Of Hair Detangler Giving Rise To Product-Resistant Supertangles (theonion.com)

submitted 3 weeks ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social

9 comments fedilink hide all child comments

top 9 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] bricklove@midwest.social 23 points 3 weeks ago

Oh man, I ate the onion on this one. I am ashamed.

[–] FaceDeer@fedia.io 23 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Now I'm imagining self-replicating hair tangles, akin to how a prion causes proteins to misfold. Take care not to get to close to someone infected with one or the knot might brush your hair and induce it to knot in the same manner.

The nightmare scenario would be a screaming mass of people bound together helplessly by their intertwined hair knots, binding anyone who comes close to attempt a rescue into the same hellish ball. The only solution would be to hose them down with industrial-strength Nair from a safe distance.

[–] Timecircleline@sh.itjust.works 9 points 3 weeks ago

Human Rat Kings

[–] topherclay@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Overuse of industrial strength Nair gives rise to Nair resistant super hairs.

[–] FaceDeer@fedia.io 1 points 2 weeks ago

Switch to fire at that point.

[–] atomicorange@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I feel like there has to be a Junji Ito comic about this.

[–] janus2@lemmy.zip 3 points 3 weeks ago

or an SCP entry

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 3 weeks ago

rat kings are a real phenomenon where rats have their tails somehow tangled together, you have created the human king (somehow worse than regular monarchs)

[–] werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

I used detangler "down there" and now I gotta walk around with this hoover vacuum stuck to my pubes.