this post was submitted on 01 Jan 2025

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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

Anon is often crazy.
Anon is often depressed.
Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works

344

Happy birthday Anon (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 3 days ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works

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[–] protist@mander.xyz 100 points 3 days ago (2 children)

If you go to a bar and mention quietly to someone that it's your birthday, you're probably going to meet some people

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 91 points 3 days ago

Shower first for best results.

[–] JokeDeity@lemm.ee 8 points 3 days ago (1 children)

How quietly should I whisper to these new friends?

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 7 points 3 days ago

"hello there, I'm a little baby today...."

[–] haywire7@lemmy.world 40 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Birthdays late December/early January suck.

Everyone is busy, everywhere puts the prices up if you do manage to get people together and then there's the joint Xmas and birthday gifts, ugh.

Anon needs to get out to a all you can eat buffet, eat a good meal go home and sleep it off. Probably won't land them a partner but they'll get to try a bunch of foods and have a conversation starter for when they do meet up with someone.

[–] arockinyourshoe@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago

My sister had a friend growing up that had their birthday in late December, and she recalls how much she hated having joint birthday/Christmas presents. She could see other kids get gifts for their birthdays and Christmas, why couldn't she?

Now that my sister has a kid of her own, she's determined to make sure the holidays and his birthday are completely separate, and I am completely behind her in that decision.

[–] JokeDeity@lemm.ee 7 points 3 days ago

As a right next to Christmas birthday, I think we should be allowed to change them to summer if we want. 😤

[–] FreshLight@sh.itjust.works 33 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

during AN robbery

no friends

Yeah, I see..

[–] BuboScandiacus@mander.xyz 21 points 3 days ago

AN birthday cake

[–] YungOnions@sh.itjust.works 18 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Let it on me bedroom

[–] avieshek@lemmy.world 17 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Invite sexworkers and just share them cakes, I got 6 or 7 of them just so all can laugh and sleep together. Free snacks, wifi, games ✌︎

[+] IDKWhatUsernametoPutHereLolol@lemmy.dbzer0.com -37 points 3 days ago (4 children)

Better than having toxic parents and toxic siblings. Anon is lucky

[–] Zoidsberg@lemmy.ca 54 points 3 days ago (1 children)

"You're not allowed to be sad because it could technically be worse"

[–] voracitude@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

My best friend once said that it could always be worse: you could have shit on your head, that always makes it worse. Even if you've already got shit on your head, having more would without question be worse.

It made me laugh, which is what I needed at the time, and there's not really a point to this story other than that has stuck with me for decades.

[–] Glide@lemmy.ca 51 points 3 days ago

I know green text therefore we prob shouldn't take it seriously, but still, God damn. Losing your family isn't "lucky," even if there are worse outcomes.

[–] butyl@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 days ago

"Better this than that" is a slippery slope like all hell, but goddamn... Idk how every reply is so bad. I'd rather die entirely alone 1,000,000 times, than even address the presence of my relatives, at all.

The whole "me lonely, is sad" shtick is fucked, imo. Being around shitheads that only make you miserable is not comparable to learning how to be ok when not around people. Noone else on planet Earth is responsible for one's happiness other than the individual.

Seeking friendship or connection is human, and normal, as we are depend on it in more than one way. That said, the victimhood complex of "I don't know how to be alone, but I'm totally not at fault for my suffering" is way too common. It's incel bullshit that can go the way of hunting whales, tbh.

And yes, everyone wants/needs different levels of interaction to feel ok, but Anon is the characture of "me sad, me alone," that should be avoided, as is seems almost entirely self-inflicted.

(Also, fake and gay. Anon is lying about the cake, and it's a euphamism for fucking himself silly with various equipment, in his very gay butthole.)

[–] sloppysol@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago

Cant knock on what you haven’t tried, even if you can’t try