Ask Lemmy

That's the neat part, I don't.

First you need to approach in a non threatening way. Ideally, by shouting "I am bigger and stronger than you! If I wanted you dead, you'd be by now!"

That way they know you are NOT a threat

If possible, make them feel secure by brandishing a weapon of any kind. That way they know they WILL be safe near you

Honestly? By being genuinely interested in a person and not faking anything.

Trying to look a certain way nearly always screams fake and uncanny, just show emotions the way you're used to!

Any advice for autistic people who are uncomfortable with eye contact?

You know what erases all of this? Just SAYING it. TELL people what you mean and skip all the games.

You won't get good answers on social cues from Lemmy. You might get good Linux tips though.

Like this

https://media.tenor.com/w0XAIQs0CIsAAAAM/hue.gif

So I think the question could be refined a little. Eye contact helps build connection between people, but it's not the only piece of the puzzle. Maybe a better question is "'How do I communicate more empathetically?"

There's another question; "How do I let someone know I'm interested?" This question is related to the first in that trying to get close to another person (being vulnerable with each other) and communicating your feelings is how you let someone know your interested.

TLDR: get to know them and tell them you're interested. If they say they're not interested you can probably still be friends since you already got to know each other. Empathy and humility/vulnerability are key in building relationships.

You look them deep in the center of their eyes and breath deep and smile and then you use your fucking words to tell them.

There is an evolutionary trait that checks potential partners for eye dilation after prolonged eye contact, supposedly to check for defects, but all it does is a little Seratonin so it's useless in a world of rational choice.

In her book "How to talk to anyone" Leil Lowndes suggests that when speaking with women it's best to maintain constant, unbroken eye contact to signal attention and interest. She goes on to note that even when engaged in conversation with multiple people one should act as if their eyes are constantly glued to the woman, only briefly looking away when another person is speaking and behaving as if your eyes are irresistibly drawn back to the woman of interest. She believes this formula is best in male to female conversations and female to female conversation.

By contrast, she notes that when engaged in a male to male conversation, one should regularly break eyecontact as not to be perceived as a threat. However, one should still act as if your eyes are being irresistibly drawn back to theirs.

.... I have no idea what Lowndes's qualifications are and frankly this sounds like a formula written by an alien trying to understand humans but hey maybe theres some merrit to it idk

From my experience, if you make eye contact, look away briefly, then look back. If she's still looking at you, hold eye contact for a moment and smile. If she likes you, she'll likely smile back.

If she's purposely avoiding making eye contact the second time, don't be a creep, carry on with your day 👌

We are like the least qualified social media to answer this

bro the last paragraph makes you sound like an ailen trying to mimic humans ngl

I love the errors you get and the timing of the errors

The idea is that y'all both Exchange a glance long enough to both notice, short enough to not creep each other out. A subtle smile to seal the deal.

Then go say hi to confirm.

If you feel awkward at any point either you suck or the answer is no, that's where the real skills is at IMHO

It's all vibes. There is no cheat code, you just have to grok social ques by spending lots of time with people. Put your 10000 hours in, its worth it people are fascinating.

Behavioral mirroring is often a sign of trust or comfort, and applies to levels of eye contact as well. If someone is subconsciously doing the same things you are doing (e.g. longer and more direct eye contact if you initiate, more or slower blinking, more smiling, more relaxed postures to mirror yours), those are good signs of interest.

The converse is also true. If you are doing a lot of direct eye contact, and it seems like the other person is often looking away or closing up their body (crossed arms or rotating their torso away), that's a sign to reduce some of those behavioral signals to match.

I'd say there isn't a "This exact amount" to most things, as people are all different in their preferences, and it's more about adjusting up and down with someone, in response to their small non-verbal or body language signals. They will likely be doing the same with you. Also, as others have mentioned - you can be more direct with words. If this is something you're unfamiliar with and there's someone you trust, you can say directly that you're uncertain and ask something like "I'm not great at knowing how much eye contact feels correct, could you let me know if you notice too much or too little?". If they are friendly with you, they'll also likely be comfortable with the small request.

Also, just to say it - eye contact can mean the general eye area - it doesn't mean your exact pupil to their exact pupil. I find that if I focus on the literal eye/pupil, then I get strained trying and keep attention on that specific small area. If I focus on the general eye area (nose/forehead/eyebrow/general eye) - they both can't tell that it's indirect eye contact and it's easier to let my body auto pilot focus