this post was submitted on 15 Feb 2025
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It does feel lonely on fedi as trans guy (pawb.fun)
submitted 5 months ago by vv0ltz@pawb.fun to c/ftm@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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It does feel lonely on fedi as trans guy

Not just as trans guy, but also the one who isn't that much interested in tech (I can learn something for my amateur website, but that's it).

It's also kinda interesting that I used to have even some aversion to learning tech due to family trauma (don't force your own goals on your kids) and misogyny in IT spaces, which makes makes it a bit harder to have joy in learning it (and also it's fucking hard, I need explanations like I'm 5 or I won't understand). Though among my all-transmasc family members I'm still the one most interested in IT, LOL.

And basically that's why I find bluesky more appealing to me lately, simply because I see variety of interests and more transmascs. If I see memes and shitposts in trans communities on fedi, they're oriented mostly to transfems into tech (which I don't mind at all, I'm just not the target audience). Despite all of that, I will continue to actively use fedi at least to be the one who makes some variety here :D

@ftm

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[–] hildegarde@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 5 months ago (1 children)

the transfem blahaj community has about 3,600 users, this one has about 600.

Its a pattern I've noticed on online platforms. The trans population's gender balance tends to be the opposite of the site's cis population. The fediverse seems disproportionally male generally, so it tracks.

When I discovered I was a trans woman my instinct was to look up the trans communities on the sites I already used. I didn't reevaluate my entire internet habits holistically, and switch to female dominated platforms to match my new identity. I get the impression that's what most people do.

I'm not surprised to read that bluesky has more transmasc content. Whatever platform has more cis girls will probably have more transmascs as well, at a guess.

Its probably not for the best for trans people to be on platforms dominated by opposite gendered cis people, but it seems like an inevitability of the internet.

[–] vv0ltz@pawb.fun 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

@hildegarde that's an interesting theory. Might explain why I saw equally both transmascs and transfems on Tumblr, for example, though many transfems are leaving due to Tumblr staff being hostile to them. I also guess disproportion may be caused by transmascs tending to be silent about themselves for various reasons

[–] popcornpizza@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

That's something I've noticed as well. We tend to blend in. I don't say I'm a trans guy unless I'm somewhere like this.

[–] cowboycrustation@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 5 months ago

Same here. I rarely talk about it IRL.

[–] spacelogic@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Being a transmasc who is into computers, that causes its own kind of isolation because a lot of the trans-in-tech spaces, well... a carelessly-phrased egg joke in a transfem-heavy space hits as pressure to detransition if you happen to be a transmasc, and so the whole "teehee become a girl to be a True Programmer" meme culture feels hostile.

[–] EmptySlime@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 5 months ago

The amount of IT nerd trans women I've had straight up tell me that I'm not actually nonbinary and that what's really going on is my egg still needs to crack more because I've got too much internalized misogyny is uncomfortably high. I've had at least a dozen separate conversations where different people have tried to convince me I'm not actually nonbinary, just a trans woman in denial.