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You stopped being a bad person when you grew sufficient empathy to feel bad about what you did.
But your debt is not paid.
Consider the bad person you no longer are as though they were a dependent in your charge. Everything they did is, rightly, an embarrassment of who you presently are.
You will continue to be a good person as long as you work to make up for the things that your past self did.
Not out of guilt, though:
Out of gratitude that you're no longer that person.
Congratulations, for what is important is you are reaching this empathy and consciousness now. You could try digging inside yourself (maybe therapy?) for what was behind your anger, and you could also try doing something to repair to those you wronged, but keep going, it might not be the easiest path but it's the wholesome one
No, it means you are responsible enough to look back and realize what you want to change in life. A bad person wouldn't understand that they did anything wrong. Also, we've all did mischievous things when we were young .
Did you also kick people for fun?
No, I punched walls when I was a kid for ~~fun~~ anger. But it is understandable for a young person to be rebellious and malicious as we almost all were. There are different levels. the main thing is looking back and realizing it was wrong and wanting to change. There are no bad people in this world, there are just people who do bad things.
As someone who experienced a lot of bullying in the past, I can tell you it changed me as a person and I still struggle with it to this day. While I understand where you're coming from, my point is we should put more emphasis on what the person actually did and how it affected others. It's easy to forgive from the outside, I just wish the people he/she hurt would see their message and their regrets
No, but it does sound fun
No, but refusing to reflect and mature would make you a bad person. We are glad to have you :)
It sounds like you were a bad kid, but maybe you won't necessarily be a bad adult given this introspection. Something to bear in mind is that kids' brains and minds aren't entirely developed, often causing that kind of bad behavior- maturity is a real thing, and it sounds like you've begun developing it.
I think most people have things they regret from childhood and teenage years. I suppose the key is to be self aware and try to live in line with who you want to be as an adult.
Its important to note that maturity doesnt automatically come with the brain fully developing. The brain being developed is a requirement for maturity though.
I didn't need "maturity" not to bully, bash, break stuff as kid, did you? This maturity angle does not hold water.
You were lucky to grow up in an environment not triggering your natural human evil.
The main reason I didn't bully anyone was because I was bullied myself.
No, you're a human. All of us have generally done shitty things, especially when we were teenagers and were exceptionally shitty versions of ourselves. You're not "marked by sin" or whatever religious nonsense some people like to say, none of what you did then has to define your present or your future. If anything, feeling bad about the things you did in the past shows that you have grown up, learned some empathy, and become a better person.
Thanks I appreciate it. Since making this post I have reached out and apologized to those that were victims of my behavior. Some haven’t responded back and there are some that I just know I won’t be able to reach again most likely. Everyone so far has said it’s “water under the bridge” for them.
Something that was said to me long ago by somebody I admired when I was a fuckwit teenager, “if you're not embarrassed of the person you were last year, you're not growing enough.” That has stuck with me for decades, I find it still applies and I’m scared of when I could realize it doesn’t.
Every morning we wake up with the ability to change who we are and how we act and react.
If you're sincere, you'll use that to improve who you are tomorrow.
If you're truly sorry, you'll do something extra to help others in some way and address the karma imbalance you've caused. Apologise to those people you hurt. (Trust me, it will mean something to them) Find ways to help others survive bullying. Make anonymous donations to the places you stole goods from.
Doing those things didn't make you and bad person.
Being a bad person made you do those things.
Change the person that you are, and you won't have more of these regrets in the future.
Being able to acknowledge you did something wrong is a good first step. The next step would be to try to make it right as much as possible. Most people will likely have forgotten all about it though, unless you were a particularly egregious asshole. If you feel you wronged someone in the past, you can reach out to them and get their perspective. If they feel the same you can apologise and try to make right any lasting damage you caused.
If you really want to dig deep about this, go to therapy. It is incredibly helpful for complex issues of self.
Yea you're a PoS, I don't think "realizing" it changes that. When else are you going to be close to so many other people in a way you can positively impact their life?
Just kidding, I wouldn't stress about it. Kids are dumb, you grew up, be better
Are you sure you’re kidding? Lmao
Of course they are kidding. People change, you can be a POS earlier and change to not be one now.
Most people that are bad people don't think they are badly people. You did something stupid shit as a kid abd put a lot of bad karma in the world. Try your best to put some good in the world's to make up for it. It's all you can do.
You're looking for validation in a web forum. Independently of what you did or didn't, go talk to a therapist and work on this need for validation from others.
Also, if you felt what you did is wrong, don't do it again. There's nothing you can do about your past.
It sounds like you had a lot of bad behavior, but are not a bad person. Time will tell. Keep choosing to do good.
It means you were a bad person, most kids are, that's why we train them. You choose if you're a bad person today. I would suggest apologizing to those you wronged in ways that still affect them (prolonged bullying, stealing that significantly ruined a business, hitting that caused long term physical or emotional damage etc). An apology is more than just words, and it won't always make you feel better. This self reflection is good and healthy.
stop thinking about yourself and think about the people you hurt. what do they want? would they feel better if you apologized, or worse? have you ever asked them? have you ever owned the damage you did? it's like you're asking us to make you feel better after you hurt someone else. make it about them, instead.
if there's a specific incident you can remember, consider approaching the person it affected and taking responsibility for it. pay for the thing you broke. apologize for the thing you said. be accountable for it, however they need you to be
I did steal from my brother before and recently I have paid him back. A lot of the things I did as a kid happened to other kids. I remember who they were but I wouldn’t know how to get in touch with them and apologize. But i just wanted to get other people’s opinions on the matter. That’s all
Well, whether or not it makes you a bad person now is up to you.
Regret, shame, they're a great start, but they're not enough to make you a good person.
Number one is taking steps to make sure it doesn't happen again. Yeah, some of that is fixed by getting older and developing more. But not all of it. The proclivity to follow others alone is something you have to root out of yourself.
But a big factor is what you do with what already happened. Have you tried to make amends? Not everyone will want to deal with you again, and even those that will give you a chance might not accept any apologies. And you have to accept that, because an apology to make yourself feel better isn't an apology, it's a continuation of your abuse to others.
You fucked with people, now you gotta make it right.
Raise you kids better than you were raised. Teach them not to conform with the bullying schools encourage.
I had stole money from my brother in the past and recently I have paid him back for it and apologized to him. As far as the other things they happened when I was a little kid at school. I remember the people I effected but I don’t know how to get in touch with them to make amends
I recommend against searching for people to 'make amends' for a few reasons.
They might not remember it. Your attempt could trigger forgotten old memories, causing them stress you don't intend.
They might not forgive you. Are you prepared to handle that? You make a gesture of good faith and they reject it, how to you react? That's a rhetorical question, don't actually answer it because no one knows exactly how they will react, it's just something to consider and reflect on.
Trying to make amends would be you, trying to seek resolution to a conflict created by you, hoping for someone else to forgive you. Notice a pattern there? It would be you making things about you, which might be seen as a selfish humble brag or some may think it is part of a scam of some kind and trust you less.
It might turn out that the people you seek out have turned as bad as you once were, or perhaps they always were and you never noticed. Your efforts would be wasted on them.
That brings me to my suggestion. Move forward. Learn from your past mistakes to prepare for a better tomorrow. Do good things now, try to find ways to do it without getting any attention for it.
Don't make your good deeds a badge to wear because then it loses its significance. An anonymous kind stranger is better than a politician donating to a fake charity, if that makes sense.
If you happen to run into someone you once bullied, apologize sincerely. If they seem down on their luck, ask if you can help in any way but don't put pressure on them. You wouldn't want them to feel ashamed for receiving help, right?
From now on, try to be a positive force. Do what you can to ensure the future has less people like you once were and more people like how you hope to be.
For what it's worth, I would have appreciated as a victim if my bullies seeked me out and truly apologized to me. It would've restored a little faith in humanity. I don't care now anymore, but there was a time.
Of course, any feeling that the apology was fake or forced would have ruined the whole thing and had the opposite effect.
I've had it happen to me twice surprisingly enough.
The first one was genuinely sorry and apologized to the point it was almost annoying. He actually had tears in his eyes welling up, which shocked me, as he was 6'6" (203cm) and probably 300 pounds with very little body fat, full beard, just a terrifying looking massive man. Hargid from Harry Potter. I learned later that he regularly volunteered at a local food pantry among other things and really seemed to have turned around since high school.
The other one was a guy who was friends with the first one, back in high school. He didn't know the other guy had apologized and turned his life around. He gave a half assed apology but was only there as a friend of one of my friends and didn't know who i was at first, not until i mentioned where i went to school casually. i could tell he didn't really care. later that week he waited outside my apartment for me to leave for work, broke in, stole a guitar and an amp, then pawned them for heroin money. i only learned who it was that broke in after my friend who brought the guy, found out and apologized for bringing him over.
It's a weird world sometimes. never know how people will turn out.
Interesting. Thanks for sharing. How did those encounters affect you?
The first one gave me some hope in humanity. The second one took some away. I think I'm more cautious now with people but at the same time I try to be forgiving more, just in case. I don't like to brag about my good deeds I've done, since I believe some people see that as a form of weakness and will target people who appear nice. Sometimes it can be hard to be uncaring however. Overall I'd say they didn't change much about me, they were simply a form of building experience.
Thanks. I really appreciate the advice
Doesn't have to be all at once, or even immediate. It's a process. Reunions, alumni activities, that kind of thing are going to give you the start. You run into someone that knows someone, you ask if they'll help you make contact.
That's pretty normal, we all do stupid shit as kids because of our environments/friend circles or just general growing pains.
Recognizing that what you've done is actually horrible is the most important step in terms of maturing and growing up, though of course it's not the full battle. After all, how would someone change for the better if they don't have such realization?
All in all you're likely not a bad person, just someone who needs to/is in the process of maturing.
You should watch "My Name is Earl".
Assuming you're a male, your brains not even fully developed for another 4 years or so. We are all a bit different and you were seeking negative attention without even knowing it, possibly.
Best you can do is acknowledge what you've done to yourself, improve and move forward in life.
From my experience, kids can be some of the cruelest people just to fit in/be funny/feel superior at the cost of others. It's a part of your past and you can't change that, but you can change who you'll become. It's not easy being a good person and you're going to have tough choices to make, but it's the right thing to do.
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I do understand that abused kids have a higher tendency to abuse others and that is a more complicated issue that this statement does not pertain to.
I also concede that there are kids that never grow up, unfortunately.