452
submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website to c/risa@startrek.website
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[-] Seraph@kbin.social 35 points 7 months ago

John Deere™ Tractor Beam

No you can't repair it on your own - you have to bring it to a licensed repair shop.

[-] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 18 points 7 months ago

When they're broken, it's easier to just fire them out as projectiles.

[-] negativenull@lemm.ee 14 points 7 months ago

Eject the ~~Warp Core~~ Tractor Beam -Shaxs

[-] teft@startrek.website 9 points 7 months ago

And there is only one repair shop per quadrant.

[-] usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca 6 points 7 months ago

Nothing beams like a Deere

[-] bappity@lemmy.world 27 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

data turns around
"captain, did I execute humour successfully?"

[-] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 26 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

(I almost chose this pic for the last frame instead, but I loved Picard's dumbfounded face too much)

[-] bappity@lemmy.world 11 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Captain's Log. Stardate 23170.6
I have growing concerns about commander data's new emotion chip, as he is struggling to understand the nuances and subjectivity of humour.

Yesterday morning, he placed a dangerously high concentration of laxatives in commander LaForge's beverage and later, followed him into the latrine, just to deliver a punchline about Geordi not knowing whether to shit or go blind.

Doctor Crushers medical report stated that Geordi spent six hours on the toilet and was so dehydrated after, that he required an IV drip and an overnight stay in sickbay, where he continued to have explosive and uncontrollable diarrhea throughout the night.

Because data is the only crew member who could enter sickbay without violently vomiting, I ordered him to spend the day cleaning and sanitising the mess Geordi left behind.

In more ways than one, I guess you could say that he is in deep shit. Now that is funny.

Anyway. Commander LaForge is feeling marginally better today, but is still quite angry and had to be restrained by security after attempting to dispatch data from the ships airlock. I have put them on opposite shifts to avoid further contact.

[-] NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 8 points 7 months ago

I think Data just sitting there like everything is normal is perfect for the ending.

[-] Thisfox@sopuli.xyz 7 points 7 months ago

He looks more like he is trying to puzzle out a confusing problem in his head.

My stance is better in this one. More dynamic.

Indeed, number one.

[-] verity_kindle@lemmy.world 2 points 7 months ago

The closer your pelvis is to someone's face, the more leadership they get. That's what they taught at the Academy and that's good enough for my pelvis.

[-] tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip 7 points 7 months ago

I believe you mean "successfully, you lunkhead "

[-] MajorHavoc@lemmy.world 25 points 7 months ago

It's perfect!

I've wanted to see someone make this since the first time I heard "engage the tractor beam".

Of course, I was probably like 5. Then again, my humor hasn't progressed that much since then anyway.

[-] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 21 points 7 months ago

I finally got your letter in the mail. It just took forever for the post office to discern your 5 y/o handwriting.

[-] teft@startrek.website 18 points 7 months ago

This could be a Mel Brooks plotline.

[-] ArcaneGadget@lemmy.world 3 points 7 months ago

Would feel right at home in Spaceballs. Has similar energy to "jamming the radar".

[-] undeffeined@lemmy.ml 13 points 7 months ago

Ahahhahahaa this is so silly, I love it

[-] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 6 points 7 months ago

This is beautiful ... this is what Risa is all about

[-] Blackout@startrek.website 13 points 7 months ago

This is why I prefer physical buttons over touchscreens in my starships. Happens all the time.

[-] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 10 points 7 months ago

And don't get me started on voice commands.

[-] marcos@lemmy.world 8 points 7 months ago

Well, loud-voice-only password entry is probably the best invention on all of those series.

[-] stardust@lemm.ee 9 points 7 months ago

Is beautiful! You scratched an itch I didn't even know I had.

[-] Lydia_K@startrek.website 8 points 7 months ago
[-] CADmonkey@lemmy.world 8 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

"Too strong, Mr. Data, use the Kubota B5100 setting"

[-] StillPaisleyCat@startrek.website 7 points 7 months ago

Anyone else have Ukrainian farmers come to mind?

Not that I’m suggesting mixing in a political war meme here, but that’s what popped up first for me.

[-] verity_kindle@lemmy.world 2 points 7 months ago
[-] milkisklim@lemm.ee 7 points 7 months ago

Fun fact I heard from an employee a year or so ago.

When contractors for John Deere are hired to become full JD employees they call the process "getting a green card" on account of the new ID badge's color.

[-] Wizarded@lemm.ee 6 points 7 months ago

Technically correct

[-] KnightontheSun@lemmy.world 6 points 7 months ago

Well, they can't all be winners, but I still enjoyed it.

I unfortunately can't change who I am.

[-] KnightontheSun@lemmy.world 7 points 7 months ago

Nothing unfortunate about it.

You. We like you.

[-] verity_kindle@lemmy.world 4 points 7 months ago

Warp 9 to Planet Kubota, there are ripe right-to-repair maidens to be rescued!

[-] interolivary@beehaw.org 5 points 7 months ago

I said "argh" out loud, which means this is is perfect

[-] interolivary@beehaw.org 4 points 7 months ago

I wholeheartedly support this goal

[-] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 3 points 7 months ago

We've gone back in time to season 2!

[-] lemillionsocks@beehaw.org 3 points 7 months ago

Sometimes an idea can be so dumb, it comes back around again as GENIUS. Congratulations.

Lol, thank you

this post was submitted on 09 Nov 2023
452 points (98.7% liked)

Risa

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Star Trek memes and shitposts

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