If you wanna go the extra mile, skimming an ally guide for 10 minutes, looking up some terminology and concepts, would reduce awkwardness by a fair bit. I certainly would have avoided a half dozen missteps if I did some reading.
this post was submitted on 29 May 2025
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This is super helpful, thank you!
I'm trans. To me the most important thing about jokes in the workplace is when a cis person says something that I can twist into being a deadpan trans joke (of varying riskiness depending on the group). Either the cis person will softlock while trying to determine the ethics of laughing or they'll go for it and potentially apologize. It's always a win in my book though
Respect them for who they are, and listen to them if they tell you you're fucking it up, just like you would with anyone else. It's almost as if trans people are just people. ;)
Your job is to train them. They're people. You're a person. Just go with that
I think if you love as a person them you'll be good.
That's what I do and it's worked out pretty great!
If you struggle with pronouns, apologize casually when the pronouns come up.
As a fellow old, the kids don't seem to necessarily get it that my brain is wired pretty hard not to change pronouns, but they do seem to appreciate the effort and the discussion that it's a challenge rather than just fucking it up with no explanation.
Otherwise, be mindful that they take a lot of shit for parts of themselves that are background attributes for the rest of us. They can get pretty tired of it. A friendly person who regards them as just people may be the best thing they can get from anyone.
Im curious what could come off as a joke to you but would offend a trans person but not offend other (similarly aged) people.
If your joke might be offensive to anyone, its probably best to save it for outside of the workplace if you share it at all.
Not saying dont make any jokes, just that your jokes shouldn't be referencing someones gender or appearance or at the expense of someone else in general.
Its impossible to know if your joke might be offensive to others when you live different lifestyles.
It's like telling people not to serve food that might be prohibited by the religion of one of their dinner guests when they have never interacted with the religion before.
What OP does here is trying to educate himself, which is the right move, in my opinion.
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Generally, keep humor work related, and it'll be fine no matter who it is. Well, there's always that asshole that thinks you have to be a robot at work, but with that sort, it doesn't matter anyway.
Beyond that, either stay neutral with pronouns, or use those that a person introduces.
I promise you, just those two things are going to go a long way in establishing respect and camaraderie.
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I'd avoid any and all controversial topics and just keep things purely professional.
Used to be I'd engage with someone based on their physical presentation, but even that is a bit tricky anymore, and with social media blowing up even the most minor misunderstandings, it's best to just keep it professional.
Maybe "engaging with someone's physical presentation" was just always a bad idea and you've just recently realized that.
Treating people with kindness and respect mostly works out fine.
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How many trans people do you know? Has a trans person gotten mad at you for something?
Charitably, it seems like people who have never met trans people seem to think they're balls of tinder, waiting to explode at any imagined slight. There is a lot of misinformation and propaganda out there and trans people are a punching bag.
Yes, words change a lot, and maybe someone might ask you to use a different word. That's not an attack on you.
Yeah, you might meet someone on a bad day or there could be a misunderstanding, but, in general, treating people with kindness and respect works out pretty well.
treating people with kindness and respect
That's what I said. Be courteous.
Pick the one that's been working there longest and ask them these questions. Check in they feel ok with how the workplace is trucking
Since there already are a lot of good answers, do it like in Full Metal Jacket "I don’t look down on you if you’re x, y, z or something - you’re all equally worthless"
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The thing most people get wrong is mentioning someone’s assigned gender (the one they were presumed to have at birth) instead of the one they actually are. Being reminded constantly of the one thing you absolutely don’t want to be is really disheartening, even when it’s not done on purpose.
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