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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2025-07-03 04:52:17+00:00.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is halfnhalfout. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole and r/TwoHotTakes

Do NOT Comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.

Mood Spoiler: happy ending

Original Post: June 25, 2025

I (late 20s, F) have been struggling at my job lately. My boss has been yelling at me, specifically when I ask questions. These are questions I have to ask because someone recently quit and I inherited her responsibilities — many of which I’ve never done or even seen before.

I went to HR and was basically told “that’s just her personality,” so I’ve been sticking it out to avoid looking like a job hopper on my resume.

While venting to my friend (we’ll call her Haley), she told me that “yelling is common practice in the workplace these days.” That rubbed me the wrong way, especially since I feel like I’m doing my best under difficult circumstances. I pushed back and said I don’t think yelling is common or acceptable — and added that she wouldn’t really know because she hasn’t worked under a boss in over 10 years.

To clarify: Haley is a stay-at-home mom (which I respect) and is also on her father’s payroll for tax reasons, but hasn’t had a traditional boss or worked in a conventional office setting since college.

She got quiet and has been distant since. I didn’t mean to be rude — I just felt invalidated and frustrated.

AITA for snapping back like that?

Some of OOP's Comments

Commenter: No, yelling is not 'common practice in the workplace these days'. That said, you could have pushed back without highlighting her SAHM status. That *was* a bit petty and vindictive. OTOH, I'd probably have said "Did you come to this conclusion because your husband comes home and yells at you about the house being a mess and dinner not being ready? Because, then, I could see how you might think that."

OOP: Oh I’m not even upset about her SAHM status. Her daughter is 6 months old and she hasn’t had a job since college ten years ago. She’s been on her father’s payroll since. She’s been a housewife for 5 years (still a full time job) I guess I was just looking for an ear and to hear someone who hasn’t been in the workforce with a traditional boss in a decade say “it’s common practice” just floored me.

Commenter: NTA, yelling isn't okay, and your boss sounds wildly unfit to manage anyone. I mean, I'm not sure what your delivery was like, but you're right that Haley doesn't have a clue what she's talking about and I'd feel the same if I were in your situation.

Also, what does "on her father's payroll for tax reasons" mean? He pays her for not actually working? He's trying to avoid paying some sort of business tax?

OOP: I didn’t yell or raise my voice. It was a concerned stern tone.

As for the tax thing her father owns a business, she “works” there. Thats all I can say without it being too identifiable

Commenter: INFO: is it possible Haley wasn’t trying to invalidate your experience? 

While I agree that calling it common practice sounds dismissive (“you should toughen up because this is how things are”) I could alternatively read it as a more commiserative comment (“it sucks that this is how things are”).

OOP: She said it nonchalant. Like accept it and move on she even said “you’re not going to find a boss that’s not going to yell these days”

OOP is voted NTA

Update (Same Post): June 26, 2025 (Next Day)

Update: I did end up apologizing to Haley if I struck a nerve, and she was actually really understanding. She admitted she hadn’t realized how long she’d been out of the workforce and that her expectations were based on how her dad ran his business — which put things in perspective for both of us.

As for my boss: I had a follow-up meeting with HR and used the magic phrase “hostile work environment.” I filed a formal complaint and was told that action had been taken. (I used to work in HR myself, so I know that likely means she received a write-up.) I was also told she got a talking-to from her boss.

I’m currently job hunting, but since the complaint, she’s been surprisingly pleasant. That said, I’m keeping my head down and covering my bases — just in case she tries to build a case against me. Eyes wide open now.

Editor's Note: Marked as concluded as OOP's initial AITA question was answered.