submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by MuThyme@lemmy.world to c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world

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Today I learned that my ex has been stalking me online.

It's not worth going into any details beyond that she dug out some old post of mine on the fediverse. She's not someone I would expect to come here, but she went looking anyway and used it as an excuse to try and hurt me yet again.

I'm terrified that I'm going to have to file for an intervention order, I honestly thought she would be the one person who would respect being blocked but she made the effort to contact me regardless. It terrifies my that I don't know this person anymore, I have no idea what she's capable of and I have no idea where I'm safe anymore.

The one silver lining has been me finally learning to trust my friends, I've had so much support in such a short time that I feel truely blessed.

I'd just managed to put the last of my anxiety to rest a few short weeks ago, and now this. I know I'll get better again, but a setback like this has me scared that I'm going backwards again.

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[-] Squirrelsdrivemenuts@lemmy.world 24 points 7 months ago

I'm so sorry this is happening to you! When my thoughts are in a downward spiral grounding exercises work amazing, like playing catch against a wall, listing 5 things I can see, four things I can touch etc. Or trying to think of a plant/famous person/animal for every letter of the alphabet. This helps get me through the short-term when the long-term feels overwhelming.

[-] MuThyme@lemmy.world 14 points 7 months ago

Oh man, thanks so much.

I completely forgot about all of my usual strategies like this, I really needed the reminder.

[-] NakariLexfortaine@lemm.ee 6 points 7 months ago

I know this isn't always possible, but if you can, type out a list and keep it somewhere you'll see it/be able to quickly access it. It's a trick my counselor told me, and it's been a huge help. Even just going through the motion of getting it can help kick your brain out of the cycle.

[-] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.world 9 points 7 months ago

Dude, I have been there with stalkers twice. One was a customer at a previous job (she had a history of violent offenses) and the other was an ex gf (she was a county sheriff). It's scary af and exhausting. What I learned from abuse therapy is that stalkers are the people that don't give a shit about boundaries. They only understand consequences. I highly recommend getting an injunction/restraining order. If it's not granted, they'll tell you what you need for it to be granted next time, so you can set that in motion. It also helps cops investigate and helps you file charges should "something odd" happen.

Stay safe, stay sane, and remember that it's not your fault, no matter what her deranged mouth says.

[-] GBU_28@lemm.ee 6 points 7 months ago

A lesson to the rest of us: never tell anyone your usernames

[-] gridleaf@lemmy.world 6 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

A great feature of RES was you could make your username appear as "user" locally. That way, you could browse Reddit in your browser without people around you seeing your username. That'd probably be one of the easier RES features to add here.

[-] Pattywack@lemmy.world 6 points 7 months ago

You have gotten through the dark before & you will again. Life will continue to jab at your anxiety. Work on your tools while you're in a good place so they're sharp & ready when you need them. You are fighting the good fight & you can make it

[-] MuThyme@lemmy.world 3 points 7 months ago

Thanks everyone for the kind words and advice. I'm doing alright now, and with the help of some friends I've taken steps to keep myself safe.

It's going to be a bit harder for a little bit, but I'm confident I can get through this!

[-] tpihkal@lemmy.world -4 points 7 months ago

Hey, if it's any consolation, life is tough and no one is really ever safe.

this post was submitted on 21 Nov 2023

54 points (95.0% liked)

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