Transfem

I came out almost a decade ago. It was terrifying and I cried a lot. It's totally normal to, there's a lot of uncertainty and it's a big change. There was also much less understanding back then. But afterwards it was liberating, it felt like a weight had been taken off my back. That weight got lighter and lighter the more people knew.

It’s been a little over a year since I came out to the bulk of my family and friends. The feeling I get when telling them is different per group of people or even per person.

Coming out to my mom felt like the biggest weight was off my chest and I could finally breathe. This helped stop panic attacks I had been having for about 2 years as well.

Coming out to my sister was nerve racking but in the end so amazing, as she’s incredibly supportive. Our relationship has grown so much and she’s like my best friend now.

While each chunk of people and individual person made me feel that much closer to finally being done with coming out, what really sealed the deal for me was coming out professionally (at work and on LinkedIn) to finally shut the last doors people had into my old life. The feeling I had then was just…. Contentment. No matter where I went now, I didn’t have to pretend or hide anything anymore. That alone is probably the most amazing feeling in the world.

As far as how I felt when I accepted myself… I’m still working on that lol.

Sorry this ended up being longer than I expected, I might add a tldr in the morning lol.

For me, I had recently turned 16 years old and I was sitting in the library at school and then out of nowhere the thought that I am trans just appeared in the front of my mind. It was a very loud and persistent thought and it didn't go away. I remember leaving the library that day and walking to class, and I finally noticed that I was envious of women. There were so many emotions going through my head, I felt scared, depressed, and confused for like the first 2 weeks. Everytime I saw a woman loads of thoughts and emotions flooded my head and it was very overwhelming.

After the first 2 weeks I started to accept myself, but I was still scared and depressed. One of first things I remember doing to expirement was shoddily photoshopping long hair and makeup on me, and being happy. I also shaved and made a few picrews as well. A few weeks later I bought some women's clothes and I would wear them in my room at night, and that made me really happy as well. I was still super scared to come out and presenting masc most of the day made me very depressed. My mom noticed my smooth legs one day and critized them, but I don't remember much else from that interaction.

I eventually decided to come out to one of my friends by sending them a meme and their first response scared me because they replied "No way, you can't be serious" and then they followed it up with "I'm actually trans too" so that was a nice surprise even though she did not phrase that well. Shortly after that I decided to go to school with painted nails and my mom noticed and started asking me a million questions. Eventually she asked me if I was trans and I just looked at her and then she said "You are, aren't you" and I gave a small nod. She then told me that she was proud of me and gave me a hug and I felt relieved. And then she proceeded to tell me a story that I don't think is true about a trans woman she supposedly saw once, but she was essentially telling me with that story that if I transitioned I'd be ugly and never find love and that feeling of relief disappeared real quickly after that.

I still hadn't come out to the rest of my family yet because of that weird reaction from my mom, and then covid happened and i started doing school online, which meant I could grow my hair out and not worry about the awkward phase. Shortly after my mom kind of pushed me to come out to my younger sister, which I felt kind of obligated to since she had recently came out herself as lesbian. So I texted her and I knew in the back of my mind that it'd probably be fine however I was still scared, but my sister was of course very accepting.

Nothing new happened for a while after that, but then my mom decided to tell my grandma and other family, but not my dad, I was upset she did that but fortunately they were accepting so it was actually relieving in a way since I was worried about doing it myself. A while later, I don't remember how long, it could have been a few months to year my mom decided to tell my dad with me in the room and I was very upset and also scared. My dad's reaction was "y'know some people don't like that" and I was like "why do I care" and then he left the room. Fortunately, he never intentionally deadnamed me, but he still misgenders me pretty frequently, although I've noticed that he is gendering me correctly more frequently now that I have started hrt and voice training.

Overall - amazing. I would stress and worry about whether or not people knew, or could somehow tell, or anytime I dressed I was so anxious whether or not someone would find out.

Not having that cloud hanging over me or in the back if my mind is wonderful.

It's not all roses though. My conservative parents and I have a strained relationship at best. My dating life is non-existent, and I've come to terms with being alone. Sometimes I question whether it was worth it, although I inevitably come back to realizing the frequency of my current doubts are a tiny fraction of the anxiety and questions I had before.

If it's safe, go for it. If it's not safe, work to get to a place that is, and go for it. We only have one life.

i really only came out to my mum who was supportive but it was still such a relief to even talk about it even though i was seeing a therapist for a few months before hand

It's been a bit over 2 months since I came out and the day before and I had goosebumps and shivers over my whole body when I realized that I need to come out. I sat in my desk chair crying not knowing what to do at first. The next day I wrote to my mom that I needed to talk to her and I was literally shaking while trying to get it out. But afterwards I felt so relieved to have finally said it. My mom was very supportive and so was everyone so far I told it (and I told almost everyone so far). Each time got easier for me. But the first few times were very emotionally draining although it was definitely worth it because I feel much better now. I quickly found a therapist and will hopefully start HRT not before long.

Not trans, but it was a week of intense pain as I ripped the bandaid off to myself mentally, and then to my friends, family, and everyone else. I did two things right though: I reached out to other friends, one of whom was in the exact same spot I was in and still closeted, and two, I immediately went and saw a counselor. The friend and I talked about coming out at length, and the counselor also helped turn something painful into something better. It's been about two years now, and I feel happy and have a massive weight lifted off my chest. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

That other guy is my bi (coming out) brother, and my SO and I are getting engaged soon. Things are getting much better than they have in years :)