TIL Satan is a genie.

Also, in these games, the folks going for "more wishes" are shooting low. The only wish you need, which also defeats the monkey's paw, is "grant me omnipotence."

But: this is Satan we're talking about. The Deciever, The Traitor. Not only is this a monkey-paw situation, but a Christian Satan is going to actively try to decieve you.

I don't think I'd even trust his answer about whether there's a cost, so I'd pass on the winning lotto numbers, too.

I'd say, "no thanks" and immediately convert to Catholicism, start going to church, and lead a clean life from here on out. If the orthodox Jews are right, I'm fucked anyway since my mother isn't a Jew, so Christianity is the best bet.

What is the simplest proof that P=NP?

Waht is the simplest complete unified model of physics?

How do I make you grant me unlimited wishes?

1. What's the catch?

2. So you'll just answer ANY three questions I have truthfully?

3. Wait... Did those first two count?

Are you the devil?

Really?

You?

1. What two questions could I ask you that would provide me with the best possible benefit in a way I would be happy with

2. (And 3) those questions

Will you please fuck off and take the Trump voters with you?

Can I really ask 3 whole questions? Oh ... two now? Fuck!! goddam. Ok, ummm... gotta be something real important, something impactful... Should I invest in Tesla?

Lotto Numbers, Lotto Numbers, and, is God a jerk?

I feel like listening to the devil bitch about God for a few hours would be therapeutic.

Why is your father such a childish fuckwit?

Why does he let you act equally/more powerful?

Can I have an Audi RS6 Avant with unlimited fuel and tyres?

1. is squirt pee?
2. is squirt pee?
3. is squirt pee?

Not sure what devil means here, but I suppose it doesn’t really matter which kind of devil it is exactly. It’s probably going to be very unhelpful or actively malicious on concrete or practical stuff anyway.

Would just ask stuff about them. How’d they come to be? Are there more of you? Are you limited to this planet, or does your influence extend beyond? Stuff like that.

Since it's impossible to determine whether any given answer is true or not, the logical course of action is to only ask question with observably objective answers. Examples:

• What are the next lottery numbers?
• Will it rain tomorrow?
• Where was the exact location of Troy during the Greek war?

Things like that.

"No thank you, you're smarter than I am and don't have my best interests in mind."

1. Why are you offering this?
2. Yo what's the deal with UFOs?
3. Preferred hot dog recipe

As is, the post doesn't specify whether the devil will answer truthfully or not. So, I suppose it's safe to say he'll just be a dick

1. Which place in hell would my soul end up if I died right now?
2. Can I take your place after I die?
3. Which religion is your favorite?

So many people assuming The Devil would answer honestly.

How'd you get in my house?
Would you please leave?
Who the fuck was that?

TANSTAFL. What's the price?

How do you cure aging, next years loto numbers, so, how is it in hell is it as bad as they say?

What is your name?

What is your quest?

What is your favorite color?

What's the deal with the fiddle?

1. What are the winning numbers for the next big lottery?
2. What companies should I Invest a big portion of winnings into to become the richest person in the world?
3. What are the names of the specific people I will need to target to either befriend/influence/kill and, which do I need to befriend/influence/kill to take control of the planet?

I'd probably squander these questions because if it's the Christian devil, I'm not sure whether or not to trust him or not.

1. What's my name?

2. What's your name?

3. Did you know I'm asking these questions because I don't know whether or not to believe you?

I wouldn't mess with it, he can only lie anyway. Any knowledge you gained would only turn around and bite you, "monkey's paw" style.

Noping the hell out of that situation. Hehe get it?

Why does the universe or anything exist at all?

How will the universe end?

How did anything began existing?

If I can hold off then yeah like some others I would want to wait for a record breaking lottery and then get the numbers for the non record breaking one and then tell me how a technology that would be most beneficial for the planet while supplying mankind with all the energy it wants and I would sit on the last question.