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submitted 10 months ago by Rough_N_Ready@lemmy.world to c/atheistmemes@lemmy.world

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[-] AllonzeeLV@lemmy.world 53 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

“Religion has actually convinced people... that there's an invisible man... living in the sky... who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of TEN THINGS HE DOES NOT WANT YOU TO DO. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

...But He loves you."

-George Carlin

[-] nale@lemmy.ml 23 points 10 months ago

And he needs money!

[-] AllonzeeLV@lemmy.world 16 points 10 months ago

All knowing, all powerful, all wise... JUST CAN'T HANDLE MONEY!

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 10 points 10 months ago

Carlin didn't do this one, but I always liked the joke about the three religious leaders talking about how they're going to divide up their collection money and one of them says "I just throw it all up into the air. Whatever God catches, he can keep."

[-] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

Thank you, Steve Gutenberg.

[-] lingh0e@lemmy.film 1 points 10 months ago

Everyone takes offense to Fisher Stevens' offensive brownface act.

I take offense to the suggestion that such a shitty joke can be used to guage self awareness.

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 12 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

To be fair, the (Christian) Bible doesn't say you have to love God, only to ask forgiveness. Like you can be the biggest piece of shit on Earth, but if you apologize to God on your deathbed, it's cool.

[-] lemmyvore@feddit.nl 4 points 10 months ago

Only if there's a priest there to hear it! 👆

[-] xintrik@lemm.ee 4 points 10 months ago

Jesus died so we don't need priests anymore 😊

Love that the creator of the universe is so fucking proud that it has to hurt itself in some weird masochistic ritual rather than admit that the creation wasn't perfect.

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 1 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Martin Luther has this one weird trick to get forgiveness from God, and the Catholic church hates him!

[-] obligation_global@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

What a system, it encourages bad behaviour and gives you an easy solution out? That's why it's fucked.

[-] HelloHotel@lemmy.world 0 points 10 months ago

"Ask for" is a low bar, "geuinely be sorry" isnt, i think most cristians repent for big stuff in the same way they would to the negbor for running over his cat.

[-] HellAwaits@lemm.ee 2 points 10 months ago

That's not true. There are verses that say if you don't worship God, then you're a sinner.

[-] drbi@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago

What god?

[-] Seraph@kbin.social 7 points 10 months ago

Zeus always was a jerk!

[-] MNByChoice@midwest.social 3 points 10 months ago

The best part of polytheistic religions is how relatable the gods are. One is a jerk, another the unloved child. Dad sleeps around, and Mom is either super forgiving, or runs Hell.

[-] Saneless@sh.itjust.works 4 points 10 months ago

A major one

[-] rubicon@lemmy.ca 2 points 10 months ago

Oh...

[-] scarabic@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

Some would protest that hell isn’t really talked about in the Bible. But it sure is on every single page of the Koran.

[-] Rough_N_Ready@lemmy.world -4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

It’s mentioned quite a few times in psalms and proverbs, and Isaiah. And in Job and 2 Samuel, and deuteronomy.

Also, Jesus described what modern Christian’s consider hell. ‘Cast them into a furnace of fire; there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth’

[-] I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

True, but the main imagery that we as modern westerners have of "hell" is mostly from Dante's Inferno.

https://scholarworks.uno.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3106&context=td

[-] Akasazh@feddit.nl 1 points 10 months ago

/u/Rough_N_Ready does bible.

[-] Rough_N_Ready@lemmy.world -2 points 10 months ago

Heh, you can say so. I actually run a website for cataloging criticisms of the Bible (and book of mormon): https://korihor.info/

[-] Akasazh@feddit.nl 1 points 10 months ago

Cool stuff!

[-] scarabic@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

Thanks for that info! I don’t know the Bible well enough. Is that mostly Old Testament? Obvs. not the Jesus part.

[-] Rough_N_Ready@lemmy.world -2 points 10 months ago

Yes it is all Old Testament.

[-] AceFuzzLord@lemm.ee 1 points 10 months ago

Ah yes, the Old Testament. The book where if you did one thing God didn't like, you were eternally damned with no redemption.

[-] groats_survivor@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

I always that that was a religious leader made up thing

Can someone share specifically where it says that in the bible?

[-] labrat55@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

Good being fair, compassionate, or good is not nearly as important as his being real.

this post was submitted on 18 Aug 2023

752 points (95.2% liked)

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