Asklemmy

I just think about all the times that getting mad actually helped the situation in any way at all.

I mean, in some situations, getting mad is the correct response, but I find that to be extremely rare.

After getting mad, the situation is usually still just as shit but you're even more upset and you've probably upset some other people around you too.

I have been stressed out about everything in the past, but I worked through a lot of things.

The main thing for me is acceptence. I accept whatever comes at me, and I deal with it.

Missed the bus? I accept that that is the new situation, and then start thinking about how to deal with the consequences. Do I need to inform somebody that I will be later, or do I need to do anything else? Is there a different route I can take?

And what is also important, I watch myself. I make sure I get enough sleep and I have some time for myself to chill. It helps if you are not tired or burned out. I have been tired and burned out and it makes me far more emotional and unpredictable.

I accept that I am not in control of a lot of things. But I can always control my response to those things. If somebody is trying to piss me off, I can stay calm and that puts me in control of the situation.

I also realized that bad moods are contagious. If somebody was in a bad mood around me I would pick it up too. But now I figured, why? I don't want somebody elses state of mind to control mine. So I accept that they are in a bad mood, and choose to keep my mood going.

I choose to control myself in all circumstances, no matter how crazy, and it makes me happier and less stressed. I'm still not perfect but I feel a lot better a lot of the time.

And it's a great practice for emergency situations too. I've been able to solve some things rather quickly just by not panicking and making the right calls to give some things priority over others.

I feel weird recommending medication but I had the same problem for like 3 years (since my mental breakdown) I got put on new meds about 4 months ago and holy shit have they been life changing. That constant anger isn't there anymore, some times I still have a bad day, but its not ever present annoyed at the world anymore.

I know your feeling - though I find it hard to truly lose my temper, I do tend to stress out easily and start venting outloud.

I feel like externalising my stressors is the only way to let them go, even if nobody wants to listen, otherwise I just end up bottling things up.

Buddhism, meditation, and generally knowing that everything is temporary. Gratitude / "counting your blessings" helps increase general happiness, as it's easy to forget what's going right

That all starts with being able to recognize those emotions in the moment. If you can’t change the past, then why are you putting energy into getting angry over it? In your dog example, you’re going to have to clean it either way so stop to think about what’s more valuable to you - moving forward and learning for next time or using your energy to get angry.

There’s nothing wrong with getting angry. Anger is a useful emotion. Use it to your benefit rather than to your detriment.

I knew a guy like this but it seemed his life could not get worst so nothing at worked bothered him.

hmmm...

I think it helps if you play a lot of "immersive" games. and practice disengaging from there.

For example, if you now don't get mad and throw controllers breaking screens, you're now half-way to the real task at hand!

I feel smoking crack helps smooth out the edges

Best I can tell (no personal experience) is that if your life has serious troubles affecting you, small stuff like some mud in the rooms is one of the comparatively more positive elements of your day. Hence the ability to just laugh and move on.

Stress is obviously an enhancer of anger issues, but it can also be a character trait. I’d focus on learning to accept that you have those emotions instead of trying to suppress them.

Admittedly I'm usually drunk or high but an overwhelming disposition of "it do be like that" seems to help the bullshit slide off

I sometimes just sit down and figure out why something happened and try to figure out what I could do to fix it. If I was really mad about it I would let myself think about how far I would go to make it happen, what would I give up, what extraordinary lengths I would go to fix it. Normally, most things, are just absurd to think about like that. Like if I really didn't want my dogs stepping in mud maybe I could get rid of all the dirt in the yard, maybe make a little AI powered spraying bot to wash their feet, maybe get a second job and hire a guy that just hangs out by my back door to wash their feet. If I'm still feeling it, I mean really think about it, I mean maybe there is a way to reduce the dirt outside, maybe a rug to clean their feet, etc. Normally I go "oh that's WAY too much work" and I just think about the imaginary Tim that would be wiping my dog's feet instead of me, and it makes me chuckle.

The other one is just comparing the consequences. Like what if I didn't clean the dog's feet. They would track mud in for sure, and ? Like, maybe, I get some mud on my feet? Maybe on the couch and on my arms? If I get mud on me, what happens? What's the consequence of getting muddy? Is it really that bad? Can't I just wash it off?

The latter is what my therapist helped me with, I worked a life and death kind of job for a bit, where things really had to work just right or people could get really hurt or worse, I was taking that anxiety back with me and applying it to all the little things I also wanted or cared about. I really had to take a step back more on things and go "So what?" to more things, and I got better about being able to role with the little punches again.

I would love to be able to go, “well that sucks” and just get over it.

From someone who can still go with then flow even when the flow seems like its from a sewage plant: That's the neat part, I don't get over it. I can either move forward in a way that's best for me, or I can just let myself react without thinking about it, get a hollow sense of catharsis, and put myself in a worse situation where I'm gonna need more than a hollow sense of catharsis.

Get checked for vitamin deficits?

I cannot recommend mindfulness enough, as already suggested by many others in this thread.

I think, you said you are already in therapy? In this case, I would definitely talk with your therapist about this and things you want to adopt beforehand. If you want a simple concrete tip, you could try the "mindfulness coach" by the US department of veteran affairs. I liked it a lot and the apps from there get good privacy recommendations from mozilla.

I am a bit suprised by the many people recommending to just stop giving fucks. Is this what you really want? Or do you just want avoid the emotions of taking control?

You should take a sabbatical or however else a time out.

Going with the flow is such an important skill that more parents need to put more of a focus in teaching. It's all about making sure that your response is a realistic way of attaining your goal in the situation.

If I'm talking to someone else and trying to help them through a situation like they say, ask them to think for a minute if getting angry will do anything at all to help the situation they find themselves in.

"You are absolutely right to be upset about this situation, and if you need to take a minute to feel that rage, go right ahead. Once you're ready though, let's take a deep breath, remember that we can't change what's already happened and instead be strategic and intentional about what we do from here to correct for what just happened"

Being able to gain control of yourself is a skill that requires practice. Intrusive thoughts and feelings and emotions happen to everyone, the trick is just recognizing when it's happening. When you recognize that it's happening, take a deep breath and shake it off. For me that means just slowing down and being much more methodical and intentional about anything that I say or do until that fight or flight mode response disengages. Be conscious of the fact that my reflexes cannot be trusted when I am in fight or flight mode.

For me, I do get mad occasionally but I just see that me getting mad doesn't get me anywhere. I just gotta fix the problem.

I don't get mad, but I can't really offer you any advice. I'm just a guy. It's just how I am. I went to a therapist when I was in high school because I don't really have any strong emotions at all, and I was worried something was wrong with me, but he told me it's just how I am, and that one day, when I have a partner, I'll "...either be their rock, or drive them insane."

I proposed to her today. Turns out, that was an inclusive "or".

Could try studying stochastic philosophy. I've always generally been calm but had an extra realization that getting upset at things doesn't help the situation I'm in and is generally just a waste of energy. So why waste time feeling terrible when I can just accept whatever is going on and move on with my life.