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submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by MTK@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

So I met this girl by chance and we really hit it off, once I learned of her age I decided to just be friends as I think that 19 to 25 is an age were we mature a lot and I remember myself as a 19yo and I was not mature enough to be a good partner and to be good to myself.

I talked to a female friend of mine and she said that I'm over thinking it and that I should ask her out and be open minded, and so I did and we are going on a date soon.

The thing is, she seems really mature but I can't put aside the age gap.

Am I over thinking it? Should I really just take it slow and just be vigilant about the situation and notice if this isn't healthy for me or her?

Or should I let her down easy and continue as friends?

Update: We went on a date and it was great, I read all of the comments and there were some really good advices that I took to heart. I will take things slow and try to be as aware of the situation as possible. I hope it will go well :)

Thank you everyone!

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[-] lightswitchr@lemmy.world 11 points 9 months ago

My parents are 6 years apart. I see no problem with this.

[-] hoodlem@hoodlem.me 11 points 9 months ago

If you are feeling it is wrong, then it’s not right for you.

I personally don’t have any problem with age differences. Unless the older person is deliberately taking advantage of the younger.

[-] Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works 11 points 9 months ago

You're 100% overthinking it. If you like her and she's into the idea, date her - more to the point, get to know her in that context.

If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. But I mean, I've been with my partner for 14 years (married for 8 of them) with a 7 year age gap, meeting at the opposite end of our 20s. Sometimes it works.

[-] sploosh@lemmy.world 11 points 9 months ago

Half your age, plus seven. If you're 25 that's 12.5+7=19.5. You're good to go.

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[-] Kage520@lemmy.world 10 points 9 months ago

You're good on the age. Everyone is different. My wife was more mature than me at that age and was also around six years younger than me. Best decision ever for me to ask her out and eventually marry her. Been together 15 years now and just had our first child and couldn't be happier.

[-] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 9 points 9 months ago

Like pretty much everyone else said, your relative positions in life matter. A 25 year old who's already on their second job and making $125k/year should almost certainly not be dating someone who lives with their parents and is about to start their second semester of college.

Also like many people alluded to, the age gap matters less when you're older. There's not a lot of difference between a 35 year old and 30 year old, but there's a huge difference between a 10 year old and 5 year old.

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[-] csolisr@communities.azkware.net 9 points 9 months ago

Checking this thread, I'm more convinced that I missed the train by a long shot. I'm about to be 33 and due to several circumstances, I haven't been able to date at all, or have any friends to begin with. Given the rule of half plus seven, finding a woman age 23 or higher with the same (lack of) romantic history is basically impossible.

[-] lurker2718@lemmings.world 4 points 9 months ago

Don't be so pessimistic about it, i thought as you do. However, if you meet a person fitting to you, it is of no importance that you have no experience. I had my first date recently, probably ten years later than most. While i was embarrassed, it was no problem for her and she was very considerate to me.

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[-] cooopsspace@infosec.pub 9 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Youre both young, be safe, responsible and do whatever you want.

Honestly, I've got no objections to that age gap myself. It does quite depend on what type of people you are.

I've had a mate date a girl who was still dealing with high school drama and going out for drinks for the first time and I was kinda like "holy shit you really did snatch get straight out of high school". That's my issue with it though, maturity levels.

At the same time I had friends who both married and moved out at 18.

The numbers being different alone mean nothing to me.

At 25 I was dating to find out who my wife would be, if that's you and she has a problem with it... Well yeah.

[-] TrismegistusMx@lemmy.world 9 points 9 months ago

A good rule of thumb is half your age plus 7.

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[-] simon574@feddit.de 8 points 9 months ago

IMO the age gap doesn't matter as long as both parties get what they want out of the relationship. I would give it a chance, but try to find out if your relationship goals match up. I'm currently in a relationship with a bigger age difference than that and so far we are doing pretty good.

[-] Appoxo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I am in no position to argue as I never was enganged in a relationship as a 24 y/o but I'd say if both consent to it and both communicate their issues there is nothing wrong with it. Both parties are now considered adults.
Communication is key. Communicate your worries and see how she react.

[-] utg@mander.xyz 7 points 9 months ago

I've seen many kids well into their 30s, and I've seen many old souls just entering 20s. Maturity comes at different stages for everyone, and some don't get it at all. Don't Overthinking the age gap, what you really need is mental compatibility. If it's there then you'll be fine.

[-] Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 7 points 9 months ago

I don't think anyone can answer this question for you, it's a question for yourself. Do you personally feel like your taking advantage of her age difference? If no, then you're good. If the answer is anything other than no, then I think you need to reevaluate the relationship until you come up with a yes or no answer for yourself.

[-] altima_neo@lemmy.zip 7 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

That's a fine age gap. Y'all are both adults

[-] mojo@lemm.ee 6 points 9 months ago

If she's cool with it then who gives a fuck

[-] Slade357@lemmy.world 5 points 9 months ago

The only thing here is you're well over drinking age and she is awhile away. If that's part of your lifestyle it could be an issue. Otherwise if there's a difference in maturity that's the goal of dating, to find that out. 6 years different may seem big now but it's really not.

[-] Gryzor@lemmyfly.org 11 points 9 months ago

Not in Europe. Drinking age is 18.

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[-] shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee 4 points 9 months ago

Who are we to get in the way of true love? In the words of Shia LeBeouf, just do it.

[-] b0gl@sh.itjust.works 4 points 9 months ago

My grampa divorced my grandma and married a woman that's 12 years younger. They have been together for 40 years now and have 3 kids. Go for it dude.

[-] Serinus@lemmy.ml 4 points 9 months ago

Is she just starting college? A relationship with someone who's not at her school might be rough for her. I'd be forever disappointed if I didn't have those life experiences.

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this post was submitted on 10 Sep 2023
142 points (86.2% liked)

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