BigBenis

"compulsory monogamy", which is obviously nonsense

Compulsory heterosexuality has been the standard of our society for centuries up until very recently. It was common for closeted gay men to marry women in order to fit into society and then have secret affairs with other men on the side to satisfy their homosexuality. That's changed over the last few decades but even now it still happens. Would you have told a gay man from 50 years ago that compulsory heterosexuality is nonsense? That nobody is forcing them to fall in love with and marry a woman? Despite the fact that every social normality and structure was oriented towards heterosexuality and fiercely rejected homosexuality to the point where homosexual people closeted themselves out of fear for their own lives.

I'm not saying non-monogamous people have it as bad as homosexual people did in the previous era. But you can't deny that our society strongly encourages monogamy and strongly discourages non-monogamy through social norms and structures. Similar to homosexuality in the previous era, there are little to no widely available resources for non-monogamous people to help them understand that part of themselves and the vast majority of them don't consider it to be an option due to the stigmatization of non-monogamous relationships; in other words, compulsory.

no one is stopping you from being poly

While that's technically true, it's a lot more nuanced than that.

Our society instills monogamous values in its media and traditions. The sentiment around polyamory is that it's weird, naive, frivolous and immature at best. The very suggestion of polyamory outside of friendly circles is often met with negative vitriol, as evidenced by the amount of down votes I'm getting in this thread.

I recognize now that I have always leaned towards polyamory and that's been an awakening that's taken nearly a decade over the last third of my life. I never cheated but I went through deep emotional pain and have caused emotional pain to others trying to figure that out in a world that was telling me monogamy was what I needed to strive for if I wanted a meaningful relationship. Even now, I'm voluntarily in a monogamous relationship because I deeply value my partner, though I can't help but wish society hadn't scared me into rejecting that part of myself for the better part of my life.

The problem in this case is when he wants to see other people and his wife believes they're in a monogamous relationship.

I never argued against that. Cheating in any relationship is deceptive and immoral. My qualms are with the fact that our society is biased against non-monogamy and due to that many people don't realize it's an option and instead resort to ways of getting their needs met that cause emotional harm and turmoil.

That's frankly a poor take.

On one hand, you're arguing that the social and legal benefits of marriage should be exclusive to monogamous couples. Why should marriage require monogamy? It may imply monogamy by tradition but up until recently those same traditions excluded same-sex couples and we've moved on from that requirement by now.

Alternatively, there exist those who are married but practice some form of non-monogamy, e.g. swingers, porn stars, polyamorous couples, separated couples. Does practicing non-monogamy invalidate their marriage? You could argue that it traditionally would, but again, we've already moved on from traditional marriage. In reality, the only thing that invalidates a marriage is divorce or death. Monogamy is not a requirement.

On the other hand, you seem to be implying that committed romantic relationships outside of marriage aren't widely and by default of social expectation (i.e. compulsory) monogamous. I'm certain you would be hard pressed to find anybody who would tell you otherwise.

I think we as a society need to get over compulsory monogamy. It clearly doesn't work for everybody. Why must two consenting adults refrain from expressing mutual love for one another?

Don't get me wrong, cheating is unethical and monogamy is still valid for those who want it. But the idea that monogamy is the most pure form of love is a social construct that has no basis in reality.

The country voted for it on November 5th, 2024. It's not like Trump was being subtle about his intention to impose tariffs broadly. Being woefully uneducated about the effects of Trump's tariffs is no excuse, the majority of ~~Americans~~ American voters wanted this.

Flip flap doggo

They're mad that they're identifying with the genocidal, colonizing villains of the story?

It's a design flaw that many people get more satisfaction out of other people's charitable actions than their own.

BOOBG

When I think of somebody as a parent I tend to subconsciously assign them the traits of a loving, caring and well-meaning adult even if their actions are less than perfect. But in reality, any psychopath with functional sex organs can be a parent.

And then they'll complain about potholes.

It's frustrating because I feel like my skills are actually still improving and better than they used to be but there's always some 11 yo kid who will absolutely wreck me over and over again to the point where I just quit out of shame.