I've had a girlfriend and I've had a wife, but riddle me this...when I next go on a date I won't be cheating on anyone. How is that possible?!?!?!?

Would you rather be stuck on a home depot with a bear or...

I quit heroin but I have friends that can't give up coffee...we should remove cupholders from cars while we are at it.

That's what I thought when I first saw gold back in 2010...

That makes me soooo fucking angry

Fucking dbag trump told Norris he was his lucky charm in getting that win...Norris is handling it professionally but I would be steaming if a no talent failing upward insulated by daddies money hack tried taking credit for something I'd put my entire life's work into achieving...

No, no...they are French fries

Dude is old I won't begrudge an old man a nap...anyhoo fuck that guy

It makes me so mad...it's like a company butting into a conversation me and a friend are having in person.

Reminds me of Monte pythons the life of Brian

I honestly thought it was an onion article when I read the part from the state representative saying children tell him they'd rather work instead of have a lunch...

Do you know how fast you were going?

Faster than broadband...