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going onto the bear site to tell everyone you are spending too much time on the bear site 
Going onto the bear website to reaffirm my love and adoration for it being a space where talking to people isn:t a trial and being embarrassing isn't the death of you
being embarrassing is just what we do here 
Fucking based as hell
I see it this way: the bear website kept me relatively sane in my worst periods. If I only had reddit/twitter/fb/etc my brain would have turned to mush as I lost all hope in humans. It's only because I still have some sanity left that I am now able to make a tentative attempt at making irl friends.
I do not use reddit/twitter/fb/etc, they are mind poisoners
Uncritical support to making irl friends
hexbear is generally nice to have, meanwhile the rest of the internet just feels very hostile. this website is probably the only place im social at to, since like in real life I have a lot of trouble speaking due to having trouble speaking/speech issues. and that is very isolating at times. also it just nice to just vent on here about stuff.
Real as fuck, I could have written this.
The danger of how cozy and safe this space is it becomes hard to leave. Venture forth brave adventurer! There are comrades to be found to form a party so you won’t have to go alone.
I literally will fucking not. I probably couldn't be forced to at gunpoint.
comrades to be found
Just go ahead and tell me where, real quick.
I don’t want to be the weirdo asking where so I couldn’t possibly begin to answer that. You seem to know though based off the knowledge of a local district that’s at least somewhat woke.
I was just trying to be positive and provide supportive affirmation in finding irl people you seem to know where to find.
Sorry if that was unwelcome. My bad.
My town is a fucking hole lmao I live in a retirement town
I absolutely would not know where to find people but even if I did, I am so woefully socially inept that it would be pointless anyway
No apology needed you didnt do anything wrong
Go find a local dive bar that looks queer friendly. I have met so many cool people either playing pool or singing Karaoke. Met some Moroccan dudes at a bar the other day that saw my palestine pins and we all joined arms over shoulders dancing around chanting "free free Palestine" and it was the funnest night in a very long time. I'll probably never meet them again but it was a beautiful moment. I also met a comrade from Colombia at the same Karaoke night and we hung out every night for like a whole week and I promised to help him practice more informal english.
And I don't know if you're interested in bar scenes but there are some very wholesome ones depending where you are.
I unironically and sincerely envy your life. Seems incredible.
Idk what a queer friendly bar is here, I have never been in a bar. There is a queer bar here but it is run by a xenophobe.
To be real talking to people irl will fast result in dropped spaghetti from me
Yeah just gotta learn some good spots and then excuse yourself from any conversation that gives you bad vibes, I also have suffered from severely crippling social anxiety for most of my life due to being bullied a lot as a kid/teen but with some long time spent learning to just dive in and keep my guard up I have learned a lot about how to sus out good people to hang out with. I even crashed some random college party on my way home one night cuz I heard their music blasting and was like hey what's going on over here? over the fence. After I explained that I was just a neighbor and wasn't being crochety about their loud music, I just wasn't ready to call it a night yet, they invited me in and fed me fried rice and grilled chicken.
Now granted I still suffer from severe depression, but going out and taking risks like that has helped me a lot, not just in distracting me from hellworld but reminding myself that they may not be the norm but you'd be surprised how many cool folks are out there. I've even met a lot of boomer comrades just by striking up conversations and listening to older folks.
Also gives me lots of opportunities to evangelize about the immortal science of Marxist Leninism.
It seems to hurt anywhere from a little bit to extremely severely every time I try to do anything though. If I can't even pretend to be a real person online, what's gonna happen irl? Also parties, ech.
Your life sounds awesome though, god I wish that were me
It seems to hurt anywhere from a little bit to extremely severely every time I try to do anything though.
That's rough and I can relate, and obviously if you're more comfortable just hanging out and shitposting with the little gay people in your phone that's totally valid, but it might be worth a shot. Of course if you have a car or anything resembling decent public transit it certainly widens your options.
“I go to parties”
“Parties, ech… (…) your life sounds awesome!”
I… if you think their “life” sounds awesome, what part? If parties are “ech”?
No diss or anything, I think staying in and shitposting on the internet is super cool, I do it myself 90% of my free time.
Just… confused about what you like/find awesome in the commenters “life”.
Look right, listen here:
Inside me there are two wolves
"House parties are such horrible college bullshit, fucking loud, sensory overload ass"
"God I wish that were me, witness Nakoichi's utter social freedom and abikity to vibe with people, what a hero tbh"
Any more goofy questions? 
I mean if you want to give parties a try, don’t go to shitty house parties… go to a good electronic music party with good DJs where the people go for the music.
Always the nicest people, most respectful crowds, real “tribal ceremony” vibes. Wear earplugs, comfy sneakers and clothes etc.
I hate feeling overstimulated as well, and I’m practically anti-social, but going to a good party feels like a spiritual experience tbh. Might be the drugs tho. They do help.
This assumes you'd be treated with basic respect, which over time I have not. I have had people actively ignore me in person to the point of me sitting on my own in a crowd being actively ignored by several people etc.
Literally the meme where the person at the party is on their own in the corner is what I've been personally treated like when I have been in that kind of situation.. Along with using various means of softening the experience (drugs/alcohol) and it's never a good idea.. I've also been around some of the most toxic people and a far more hostile environment that many here would be accustomed to. But I've had that experience of putting myself out there but a lot of the time it's never worth it and I've regretted a lot personally..
That’s very true… and I can see how if you don’t have people to introduce you to the right parties and clubs it can be hard to find them. But there are so many people who just love the music, and want to share that with others, and just groove and feel good together.
You just gotta find the right crowd, the people who are there for the love of music. Not the ones who are there (just) to be cool, to gain status points etc.
But there are many many places and parties that are good and people really do it for the love of the music and the culture. It might depend a lot on the city, thinking better, but yeah…
I grew up in Ireland and I've always looked queer, so it made me a target.. a lot of places you'd have to constantly be on your guard for instance and I've seen people get glassed because someone turned nasty on drink/drugs.. so it's hard to feel comfortable even now years later.
I get that… I think I was lucky that my hometown had a bunch of alternative parties and clubs, that had drag parties, hyperpop parties etc. besides also being one of the hotspots of electronic music in my country. It was easy to find a party where people were respectful and welcoming.
I AM realizing more and more that many cities are just shit when it comes to nightlife…
See the vibe I'm getting from a bunch of different places is that I should take loads of fucking drugs. Laura Kate Dale even said MDMA makes you more sociable and open! (At the potential cost of addiction lmao)
I'm not even sure I could internally manage a crowd that big though. It sounds like a fun experience, but Idk if it would actually be.
It can be a smaller more lowkey vibe, doesn’t need to be a crowd. And no reason to do loads of drugs hahahaha moderation is always good. I don’t like getting fucked up, and I hate crowds. My favorite parties have been the ones with less people and everyone is just really loving the music. And a lil bit of md in some water goes a long way. Also, md is one of if not the least addictive stimulant. It’s complicated why but it’s like scientific. but ofc, never do anything without doing research/testing etc.
I’d advise to check on resident advisor, listen to the sets of the djs in the smaller parties, and just try one out that sounds good if you’re willing to. The easiest icebreaker then is just asking people if they like x dj, and talk about how awesome the music is lol
Also, I was very much a hermit growing up, with like one or two friends and all we did was stay inside playing d&d or smth. I hated and judged the idea of parties so hard.
But the first time I went to one, it was an electronic music party and I did x for the first time (long story that involves a breakup). I had this realisation that what people get out of parties and experiences like that is the same thing people used to get out of late night cerimonies around the fire, or the incense filled gothic cathedrals of the Middle Ages, the weed-sauna huts of the PIE. It’s a very hypnotic experience, that really shifts your perspective from “in” to “all”. It’s very communal, and people are united in purpose, in an immaterial purpose. Idk, I think it’s at least worth it giving it a shot. It’s a very powerful energy to hear a sick ass transition and everybody around it vibrates hard at the same time, getting hyped and just sweating it out, getting all in the same rhythm. “
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I feel you. I wonder to what degree posting here is just a bandaid for the fact that ive found out that my friends are almost reactionary without exception.
a large degree maybe
you are one of the bright posters who help balance out the sometimes painful lemmyverse. sorry to hear the alienation under capitalism is getting to be an acute problem. and that this den of libs is your best option right now. hope you stumble into some more social spaces that make you feel not just tolerated but appreciated.
You don't mean that, you're too nice. I love the libs here.
Real world is extremely hostile to my continued existence on many axes. Here there is only a coin flip chance one will be, usually.
My friends seemed alright, but then I continued to be covid cautious
Tagline machine is fucking possessed and provides appropriate material:
Do not, my friends, become addicted to posting. It will take hold of you, and you will resent logging off!
HUHUHUH, ITS JUST THAT EASY HUH
I have Hexbear and some discord servers too. I dont move on from them easily like you but my friendships are entirly online. My irl freinds werent all garbage (though I will note, I am ok with being friends with a lib who's not too obnoxious about it) but they either lapsed, or yeah they were garbage and I had to dfistance, but also there was my one big irl friend I had left that cut me off for some petty bullshit and yeah Im without real life connections entirly now.
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I browsed reddit until the api stuff, then I stopped.
I had all this wonderful free time I wasted until I found Lemmy and its various instances.
Now I waste time browsing lemmy
lemmit
i think you should remain friends with people who don't share your esoteric political views
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could have written this post myself, every word of this is true for me, too
I occasionally try to hang out with my cool neighbors, but it doesn't work out often, and I still end up with post-hang anxiety
been kinda wondering if maybe there's an OCD component to my thought processes that's getting in the way here, but idk where to even begin to try to deal with that and just don't have the fucks for it currently
anyway - ✨ solitude solidarity ✨ - you've got us, we've got you ❤️
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I have a small.social network but it would definitely not meet my human interaction needs without the website here. I don't know of any other places on thr internet with anything like this quality of vibe so it would be a serious blow for my mental health to lose it for sure.
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I'm in my 40s, I have zero friends and haven't had any for over 30 years. Acquaintances come and go but no long lasting friendships. It usually ends up a disaster any time I have put myself out there to have people outright ignore or avoid me so I stopped and don't plan or try anymore. I have social anxiety enough it can affect me online in that I go months lurking and talking to nobody. I sit and read conversations to sate any kind of interaction. I doubt anything can change at this point and I've lost all will to anymore.
Waow that's so relatable, it's almost like we're married or something
Acquaintances do be coming and going, I've passed through like nine or ten different social circles in seven or eight years...
honestly this place is good to rehabilitate yourself after periods of isolation but you gotta go out there and eat dog shit sometimes. it's part of learning to be more social. real life challenges us in ways that this place can't and that's a good thing
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Too real 
I had some social life during school with my gf, but we broke up and school ended, and now I just have my family (and they’re annoying) and online commies. I also move through online spaces, including getting banned from a discord of people I know irl for saying death to “amerikkka.” There’s got to be lonely people in the real world, right? It seems like everyone’s either siloed into their friend groups or given up and terminally online. Someone out there has to be interested in my philosophical ranting, right?
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I've accepted that I just don't form long term friendships. Some aspect of me as a person makes other people not really care, never message first, etc etc. I think I'm fine with it, honestly. It sucks obviously but it could be worse. I still make friends, they just quickly lose interest in me when they discover that my interestingness is mostly superficial. I'm a cartoon of myself.
So I get you. It sucks I guess, but thems the breaks.
Some aspect of me as a person makes other people not really care, never message first, etc
This is me as fuck. 90% of my social anythings I have to put the effort in to start, hate it. Also nobody actually likes me lmao
I have considered just 100% giving up, but my wife (who is even more deeply asocial than me) told me not to. Plus I do like people, even if it almost bever works out in practice.
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this post was submitted on 27 Jun 2024
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