Gotta mogg the cissies
RedQuestionAsker2
joined 2 years ago
Idk if any of this helps
It does. A lot. So many of your thoughts parallel my own perfectly, so it's nice to see it expressed.
I really wish we could just shapeshift.
One major issue for me is I really can't imagine myself as an old woman. I want to be a bearded old dude, so I don't want to get rid of my beard or detransition and have testosterone issues in my old age. Maybe it's just deep brainworms acting up considering how women are treated like garbage the more they age while men are treated like a fine wine idk. Maybe if I take your route, I'll figure out what I actually want. Maybe it wouldn't actually bother me.
But RIGHT NOW, the push to feminize is quite strong. I've still got like 3 decades before I'd consider myself an old man. Do I just take half measures and repress during that time? I don't know.
Literally like my favorite part of presenting femme
turns out the swap was based on vitamin d and taking that helped them stay more towards one identity
That's fucking wild
you measure these things you can find ways to avoid "swapping".
I don't want to avoid swapping all together because I like the expression, but having more control would be helpful.
Thank you so much 
Thank you for your insight, as always
dysphoria
In general it seems hellish to me, you never really get rid of dysphoria completely if you are gender fluid.
Not going to lie, I just kept reading this sentence over and over, and I had to get up and walk around because I felt like I was gonna barf. Because yeah, it kind of feels like that. Anyway, that sudden spike in dysphoria is actually instructive for me. I'll follow the signal and reflect on why I feel that way.
It felt like my eyes never had any light in them, I couldn't figure out how to smile naturally, I felt like my skull was weird, my skin felt wrong (like it didn't have enough fat under it or something,or the texture was wrong). I felt kinda perpetually disgusted about all the tiny things T does to you
I notoriously don't smile. Like, that's a thing about me that people comment on. My wife, unprompted, has said that I just look happier when I'm presenting femme. I smile in the mirror more when I'm femme. Also, random people and friends compliment me when I'm dressed femme. When dressed femme, I get more compliments in a week than I probably ever have in a lifetime of dressing masc. I also just generally feel a wider range of emotions when femme.
I'm also grossed out by a lot of T stuff. My skin, in particular feels wrong. Body hair, etc.
But it's really important to measure how you feel when going about hrt for gender fluid and nonbinary people. I would suggest keeping a journal of your thoughts, what you were doing that day, and see if anything triggers the desire to feel one way or the other. Keep doing this, then if you think you've found a pattern,try something new, and then measure that.
So, I think it's good advice to keep a journal, but I don't see the connection to HRT. Could you explain?
I would like the input of the experienced and wise trans sages of hexbear.
I've been going through a years long process of gender experimentation that has intensified lately. I feel like something just hasn't clicked for me yet.
There are times when I'm perfectly happy to be a non-gender conforming man, and there are other times when I feel the call of the woman very strongly. There are times when I really like having a beard and getting bigger as I increase my muscle mass. I want to clarify that I like these things. It's not just default to me. But there are other times where these same features (mostly the facial hair) fucking kill me. Then there are other in-between times where I don't feel feminine but I wish I did, and I just get sad that I don't feel that way.
I've been going by she/her at home lately, and sometimes it feels good, and other times it doesn't. Most of the time, it just feels fake (I know this is normal).
Sometimes I really want to try HRT, and other times I'm scared of the permanent changes. While the idea of having a vagina seems cool, I actually don't want to get rid of my penis.
I could be experiencing some kind of bigender or gender fluid thing, but honestly, the emotional whiplash is just exhausting. I'm trying my best to just enjoy who I am at the time, regardless of whether it's masculine or feminine, but this makes me feel like I'm using femininity and womanhood like a costume instead an actual gender identity (okay, now that I'm typing this out, I'm seeing similarities to a lot of other trans people).
Am I having a unique experience, or is this just regular dysphoria stuff? Tbh, I feel kind of fraudulent hanging out here sometimes.
Why is Cronus' son so fucking thicc??
Who wouldn't eat that ass??
Okay, just double the bpm and half note increments.
Same song, new bpm!
I got bullied out of having long hair in high school.
But nobody can stop me now.
-explaining to a gamer-
Okay, you know how sometimes you start a game, and you have to pick a build, but nobody really tells you anything about it, so you just pick the one that is recommended and looks easy? But after some time, you realize that you aren't having fun with that build, but people around are used to you playing that build? You want to respec, but respeccing costs money, and once you respec, there's gonna be a long period of you being really bad at playing your new build?. It's like that.
That last paragraph reminds me when my anxiety had me at my lowest. Literally curled crying on the ground daily. Felt like I completely lost myself and had to reconstruct myself. I was clinging on for dear life. Literally every moment of holding on was a victory. Like the passage, I actually imagined having ropes to hold my mind together.
So glad that's behind me now. Despite the pain I feel now, it pales in comparison to that. Feels like I can face anything now.
Beautiful writing.