Incorporating leggings into my wardrobe has prompted me to buy a little bag for all my pockets stuff! I'm having this moment of realization that I move more freely when I don't have pockets full of STUFF
SterlingPooper
joined 4 years ago
It's such a joke. I legit might buy wired headphones next time I have to replace mine.
Damn, like, how do you make close friends?
It feels like I'm too late in life for lifelong friends, like, they'd have to have met me before I was an adult, right?
Like, I want to be close to someone, dammit. I thought other people wanted that. I think I'm confused. I need a nap
Feeling more confident every time I go out looking for women's clothes 
My Will Wood era continues 
sad
In hindsight, yeah. I was looking for myself pretty much everywhere except internally and it really sucked. But those thoughts of death kinda get replaced by the thought of coming out and really being myself.
Thank you 
I'm happier to not know at the moment and be exploring. It's freeing
Thank you 
Exploring has been great. I feel euphoric in ways I've never felt about "guy stuff".
It was the first time any of my friends had gotten married. It was a really fun weekend.
It set off this anxiety about wanting to find someone, wanting not to be alone. It led to me feeling super insecure, and feeling worthless. I thought I wanted to die, but in hindsight I think I was realizing that I hated being a straight man.
CW: suicidal thoughts, emotional flashbacks
This week marks five years since my roommate got married. This started a huge existential crisis for me, including suicidal thoughts and withdrawing from pretty much all my friends.
I've been getting panic attacks every time I go into work this week, it feels like it's from remembering that wedding. Literally feeling detached, like I'm piloting my body. But now that I'm really questioning my gender, I feel like it's staring me in the face that I'm just in a big holding pattern. I want to figure out how to speak up for myself.
Truthfully, I go back and forth on if I even want to. If any of them were in the same area as me I'd be eager to have conversations in person. Part of me feels like they saw me caving in and left, so why would I chase them? Part of me feels like they'd want to know what I'm going through. But didn't they already know something was up??
It feels impossible.
view more: next ›
I have joined as Wendy, because I don't like my username