Another question: who owns the domain hexbear.net, pays for the servers and such?

I can never get my phone out in time.

I’m temp banned from /c/mutual_aid. I could really use some help—please DM me for links to my CashApp and stuff.

Everything sucks.

City subreddits are pretty trash as is, unmasking just how unbelievably cruel and evil some people are whenever the topic of homeless people crops up. But of all the active subreddits for my city, the main one, /r/Portland, is tame. (/r/askportland is SURPRISINGLY kind, with the occasional evil piece of shit passing through.)

I thought /r/PortlandOR was evil—it’s all but an explicit hate sub—but I found an even worse one. Behold, a pale horse: /r/PortlandCriddlers.

(“Criddle” is a slang term in the meth community around here—it means stealing, or more specifically, at least how I understand it, rifling through someone’s shit with the intention of stealing, i.e. ”Someone criddled my tent”.)

I would not be surprised if someone has posted photos of me or my friends, and I’m honestly afraid to look. It would not surprise me either, if whoever tried to pepper spray me a couple months ago is subscribed to this sub. The language used to refer to homeless people is dehumanizing and disgusting and it borders on incitement. But what’s really funny is I distinctly remember getting someone permabanned by reporting a post that used very similar language. I know Reddit is a cesspool and you don’t care but it takes like a minute to report a couple posts for “hate” or “threatening violence.” And it will do something to curb the growing trend of violence committed against homeless people. A drop in the bucket, but still. It will also be kinda funny to own these motherfuckers.

…because of the thing with the money. And then losing my wallet, and then one of my plushie friends. It’s only going to get worse. I really hope I die before it does.

And in a bit over a week from now it’ll be the 1 year anniversary of the last time I saw my friend, the one who won’t talk to me anymore. One down, the rest of my lifetime to go. I know I’ll never see them again and while I think I’m over the cringey weird shit, I still think about them pretty much every day and it hurts so fucking much.

You know I’ll never get a car or a minivan or whatever. Definitely not before this winter—it gets harder to cope with every fucking year.

Fuck.

Some of their affiliates also have cool as fuck flags, take for example the flag of the Popular Mobilization Forces, arguably even more badass than Hezbollahs.

His name was Blueberry, he was a blue whale who looked like he was made by the same company as Creamsicle. I only had him a week at the most but I loved him. I’d show you a picture of him but seeing it would be painful.

Whereas Creamsicle is a silly lovable little dumbass, Blueberry’s schtick was that he was a mature adult whale who dispenses difficult to listen to life advice.

Creamsicle will be staying at my friend’s house longer than expected because I never want to lose him, and I know it would only be a matter of time before that would happen if he were hanging out with me. He’s happier there—he just doesn’t realize it, because he’s just a baby whale.

I hope I just left him in my friend’s car, and if not, I hope he’s found by someone who will love him…

Note: I do not actually believe that uhh…you know.

Lol.

I should be glad he has a family and stuff but I’m just heartbroken.

It’s amazing just how bad the loneliness, the anxiety can manifest physically. It feels like I’m on fire. It’s not “real” pain but it’s almost unbearable. Holy shit.

At least now I know I still have a bit of an anger problem.