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Your assuming and interpreting a lot there, guess I should've worded things differently, my bad. Also you don't know me, you don't know what I've been through, what I'm still going through, you have no idea how unlucky I've been with everything, how many times I've tried and have only been hurt over and over again as a result. Let me make this clear: I did not fucking ask to be stuck in this "self limiting loop" and have been bashing my head against a wall for years desperately trying to get out but can't, no need to rub salt in my wounds, I'm just asking for your own experiences and perspectives here, nothing more, nothing less, might help, might not, I don't know.

That aside: thanks for sharing.

This used to be my motto at some point before, you know, reality said hello and ended that real quick. That one cares very much about that it seems...

Kinda hard to be yourself or say no to society when your in a position where you have to appease others to not get fucked over in more ways then one, make that tenfold if your society leans conservative (which most of the world does sadly), I don't think I have to explain how society fundamentally works, do I? Unless you got lucky with it, then that checks out, definitely getting that vibe from you. But for me nah, people reaaaallly didn't like that I was different and seemed happy about it at some point, how dare I not be the exact same as everyone else, so they broke me until I couldn't be sane anymore and relentlessly blamed me for it, everything and anything was my fault and my fault alone, no exceptions. Made an example out of me to make sure nothing ever fucking changes here unless it's for the worse. Fun.

Also easier said then done, how tf do you "live the way you want" when you can't afford a home, can't travel, can't rest, can't have any autonomy or agency in your life, can't have any autonomy over your own damn body around others, can't pursue the things you want, can't do half of your hobbies and interests because of money or people being pity pieces of shit and not leaving you be, can't have your own thoughts or feelings or opinions or personality or people WILL launch at you like vultures and tear you down, don't have a soul in your life that even vaguely gives a shit, nowhere to go, no future, abusive shitty family members as the only "welfare" you get, can't do this or that or this or that - and are barely getting by? What? Please explain it to me.

And yeah, it definitely helps, but how exactly do you personally go about that? What's your experience with that? For me irl Is not even an option sadly, and I've had 0 luck online either, not a soul of any form or shape throughout the years, have been alone and lost for as long as I can remember, and my society is as baren as the fucking saharan desert, literally 0 places to socialise or volunteer at, 0 things to do if you aren't stupidly rich or have connections, it sucks, it's only getting worse, this place is hell, and is also very conservative to boot, nobody gives a flying fuck here, everyone is extremely isolationist and already has their established groups, your never finding another weirdo here, you'd need to be someone veeery important or rich for anyone to bother with you socially, and you'll only be greeted by normal people here, nothing else, so it's conform or die all the way.

No idea who your talking about, definitely got the wrong person there.

Your not obligated to comment if you don't want to, you do you, I'm just trying to see people's different experiences, perspectives and the such with these things.

Can I ask you from your own experiences if or where you found others who're willing to bond with you exactly? From my personal experience I've had 0 luck with that, doesn't matter what I do or change or try with or look in, irl especially, shitty society, shitty people, strict social norms, no social spaces, etc.

Right there with you stranger.

Then I suppose I'm just not fit to be a human being, I'm fully aware of all of this and yet my brain continues to spazz out whenever it wants anyways, I just can't NPC my way through life like everyone else. I wish I was born a bird or something, this is absolute hell.

I legitimately can't feel enjoyment anymore, doesn't matter what I do: exercising, walking, making a drink, going outside, playing, watching a film or reading a book, etc etc. I'm just completely dead inside, reality always sets back in and I realise nothing will change, nothing will get better, I have no future, no life, no hope, I'll forever be alone and outcasted, forever tormented and harassed for things I can't control or predict, forever financially stuck, I don't belong anywhere, everytime I feel even a little bit of joy something comes along and makes sure to shit all over my face and snap me back to reality, etc etc. and saying all of this obviously doesn't go well with others, how dare I seek anything more then the same copy and paste pieces of advice thrown everywhere that supposedly works for everyone but me, how dare I not be normal, and so I get further isolated, further outcasted each and everytime I dare to reach out, it's a vicious cycle that I literally can't do anything about, I'm not rich, I'm not powerful, so I can't ignore the world and go off living in a manor or something, I'm completely at it's whims and whatever the fuck mood people are in at any given moment.

My brain wants connection, belonging, assurance, safety, comfort, the usual needs, and society says no, "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" "keep to yourself" "nobody owes anyone anything" "nobody will fix/save you" galore and more, it's endless, I suffer, society says to "get help", I try to get help, I only get greeted with a "go for a walk" if anything at all, that doesn't make me feel any better, and then I'm seen as whiny or ungrateful or whatever and further outcasted (both online and in real life, real life is far worse and more violent about it though), which makes all my problems worse and I become lost, no anchors, no guides, no safety, no peace, no one, nothing, just endless suffering and loneliness everywhere all at once. So what I was talking about in my initial post isn't just a bad day or something or a short term issue, no, I'm talking about literally failing at life, I'm talking "this has been going on forever and isn't getting any better, infact it's getting way worse", how the fuck are you supposed to pull yourself out of that all by yourself and surrounded by a society that wants you dead for not conforming to it perfectly? With not even professionals giving a flying fuck about you? People PAID to deal with your bullshit and still basically telling you to fuck off and stare at a tree or something? How do you even try to be normal, or self isolated or self reliant or whatever the fuck society is constantly demanding out of everyone - with a brain that's crying out and falling apart and that doesn't want anything to do with society, with humanity, with anything at all?

"Now, that said. Did I think to know how hard may be for another person to work their problems out? Absolutely not."

Then why are you here?

Society would like to have a word with you.

Jokes aside, from personal experience serious venting - let alone trauma dumping - is an instant way of getting outcasted and isolated from everyone, most (normal) people would rather you just bottle everything up and rot forever, nobody really cares.

Somebody finally seemed to acknowledge that, that is unexpected. It's definitely easier said then done though, not sure what one can do if their depression is from how hellish and unbearable life is, or how awful or cruel everyone around you is, you can't control any of that, there's only so much you can do to get by or have small enjoyments to distract yourself with with all that going on, and gaslighting yourself into thinking everything is fine anyways is sorta impossible if you aren't a literal NPC that can ignore the fact that everything around them is on fire - including themselves - so. Not sure how much "mitigations" can help before they inevitably wear out with the crushing weight of the world still pressing against someone relentlessly and refusing to stop.

Community and volunteering is nice and all, but yeah it's not an option sometimes, not every place has any of that, and not every society is caring enough to bother with it or foster it to begin with, and it's only getting worse with time it seems.

So care to elaborate a bit more on your experiences? Where exactly do you even find "like minded people" in the first place? Let alone ones that'd be willing to hear all the fucked up shit you go through on a daily basis and give you a hug?

I hate to comment but, exactly as the other person has said: you've already won life, congrats.

"Just don't think about anything bro, just get up and do stuff, be normal, enjoy life bro."

"Sir, I don't have any limbs, everything around me is on fire, there are people constantly screaming, threatening, and screeching at me over things I have no control over, I'm actively drowning in shitwater in a barrel that I've been forcefully shoved into without my consent, my brain is completely rotted and numb and full of worms eating away at me, I feel nothing but misery and pain, and the entire fucking world refuses to let me exist in peace and wants me to rot for all of eternity for not being born specifically white, cis-male, and wealthy. Kindly explain how the fuck I'm supposed to do any of what you've just said from here??"

"Just pull yourself up by your bootstraps, go take a walk or something, stop thinking bro." Proceeds to leave with no further elaborations.

This wise holy wisdom has fully cured all the mentally ill on the planet instantaneously, thank you mentally stable and well off model citizen, very cool, being completely tone deaf at everything will surely help us all and not contribute to the problem in anyway.

"Why are you homeless? Just go get a house stupid" type of energy. If only it were actually that simple and straightforward, none of us would be struggling with anything. Just go and enjoy your life man.

It's US only sadly, won't let me use it.

I've had no luck on any of that irl or online, couldn't find anything, not really helped from where I'm from, my country and society could give less of a fuck about any of this lol, so irl is not really an option for me, I'm not rich so I can't afford whatever scraps are available in the first place anymore, conform or die, that's all society has to say to me.

Every single online forum I've tried searching for is either broken, dead, or will not allow me to register, or all three combined. Tried registering for one who immediately rejected my account, and I couldn't reach out to the admins for support on it because apparently I need an account with them to contact them, which got rejected, so fuck me I guess, it's been a headache and utterly defeating, no luck on that front whatsoever.

I would reluctantly go for reddit if I could, but it's completely dogshit as well, won't let me do anything on the platform at all other then lurk, and with the addition of random account bans for no reason, no warnings, no explanations, and no answers from support, the modern internet is utter hell, and rl equally so, literally everything around me wants me to rot, I'm completely stuck. So I guess I'm just fucked then? Gotta just bottle everything up until I burst? I've not been really seeing much beyond what you've suggested anywhere else, so is that all or?