Her jeans were in a war with those tree trunks she calls legs and we're utterly decimated

If someone pulls out a flip phone I'm just going to assume they're a drug dealer

We're the Terminators of the animal kingdom. We're slow and deliberate, able to stalk our prey for days or weeks at a time, and can often come back from injuries that would be a death sentence for other animals.

That's a nice fuckin stick right there, king

You're assuming they think using logic. You're wrong. They go by emotion, and you can't use logic to reason with them.

Pamela Anderson nude or horrifying decapitation? Time to roll the dice!

Rotten potatoes smell somewhere between raw sewage and demon anus

100%. If you as a DM get salty about the players using the tools given to them, you're a bad DM.

My approach is basically: One playthrough for the story I want. One playthrough for the story the game gives me. One playthrough where I just be an evil fucking bastard.

I mean there are a whole bunch of players that seem to have a problem with actually dealing with consequences. Just look at the bg3 players who are so pissed about "missing content" when they murderhobo their way through the game. Like no shit you killed the people who give you quests, of course you're going to miss out on their stories.

Halsin basically went up to me and said "I'm making a public salad and I need some of your dressing" even though I didn't interact with him aside from when absolutely necessary to advance certain quests

I, too, am 100% productive at all times. Even when I'm not on the clock.