I'd imagine stealing your passport or wallet would be the real goal there.

He's not nearly old enough to be a serious contender. /s

Silly humans, rings are for wraiths!

Waiting for my checks from trickle-down economics to roll in.

Well, then it's not a nuclear missile, is it?

CEO says firm will "keep doing the same stuff" at least "while I'm in charge."

Narrator: he became President for Life

Nah, just gotta wait for the neighbor to go to work.

Air frying is just a convection cremation, you know.

Decaf coffee (or tea) will still have more than zero caffeine. Allowable amounts vary between US and EU, but multiple repetitions of the process are needed to achieve either 97% or 99.9% caffeine free respectively.

A single pass through a decaffeination process can result in leaving up to 20% of the original caffeine content.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decaffeination

Surround the park with shipping containers, and done! It is now 100% dystopia appropriate housing!

Coup d'jour

Ok, now I'm a Pastafarian.