mjsaber

Existentialism, and Camus in particular have a lot of influence in my thought patterns. But to Camus, love was one of the central pillars of deriving meaning from nothingness.

And I don't have that.

In fact, I have significantly less love than before.

I have people that say they care, and in the moment, they mean that. But at the end of the day, I don't matter enough to check in on, unless I warn them.

I just thought for the first time in my life I would be celebrated and appreciated for who I am.

But the reality is, no matter how much they front or posture, the "normals" will never accept me.

I could offer them salvation on a silver platter, and still be met with disdain.

So, again, what's the point? What's the point in trying?

Your typo gave me the mental image of my cat as an autobot. 10/10

Anyone. It isn't about my physical characteristics. I just want to help people and instead I just get ridiculed and critiqued. I'm tired of being alone and sad. My cat is the only reason I haven't killed myself, and I don't know how much longer he can hold that dam.

Lol me neither

It's not as punk, but the last three albums by Metric are brilliant in how they discuss the current state of the world.

I do, the longer it's been the shorter they are (almost 10 years now). My trigger is seeing someone, usually in a TV or movie, take that long, exaggerated drag.

As a trans girl, I get a lot of interest from other trans girls, so it checks out for me.

Depending on where you are, you might not need a diagnosis. In the states, any physician that works in gender care can diagnose you as long as they follow the Endocrine Society/WPATH guidelines. Planned Parenthood is a great resource to get started (if you're US, apologies for my assumption. I'm an American on the internet, everyone else must be too, lol)

Congratulations! You're first visit should be pretty chill. They should talk to you about how long you've felt this way, if you've taken any steps to transition, a health history, and if they're good, they will ask about your support system.

They should go over all the potential risks and effects of feminizing hormone therapy, including what's 'permanent', how long changes take. You should also be open if you smoke/vape - it won't preclude you from taking E, but if you smoke you shouldn't take it orally.

You should have some labs drawn for baseline levels. Usually they check estrogen, testosterone, a complete metabolic panel, a complete blood count, and they should probably do prolactin and a lipid panel (lipid is a fasting panel ideally, but if you're not used to having your blood taken make sure you eat something before the visit).

You can usually start the medications before getting your labs back, unless you have a medical history that warrants waiting, although that's kind of up to the prescriber.

Visits should be every 3 months the first year, then 6 months the second year, and them yearly. You may need slightly more frequent visits if you change the route of your medication, or if you're labs aren't in the goal range.

It's important to look into minority stress and see if they have any resources or groups they can connect you with. Trans folks have higher rates of mental illness - that's not because there is something inherently wrong with us. It's because we live in a society that can be very hostile to us, even in places that are considered progressive. Start working on resilience now, and try not to do it alone. It's a lot.

Finally, my personal recommendation is to look into voice lessons, especially if you are not socially out. Not only is it rewarding to have your voice reflect who you really are, having the space to try out your identity, name, pronouns, presentation, etc. in a safe and affirming space can be just wonderful. It really helped me figure some things out when I wasn't sure exactly where my path would lead.

And, in the ancient wisdom of our people, just remember - you got this.

...yeah

Rowsdower!

It's why papers in college have word limits - you need to be able to pick what's most important and make your point.