I honestly didn't really enjoy my past years. It's not like I was partying in the time I'd be doing new projects.
That number is definitely not anywhere near 10 or 15. And I'm not comparing myself to "average" because I was never average. Median income globally is 12k$ per year, and half of the people are earn lower than that. I only compare myself with people from similar background as me, and I see numerous examples they just did better choices with their time and opportunities.

I'm not history-level obsessed on fame/glory/prestige (yet, lol) but I just want to prove myself or get validation etc. tbh
I just don't feel like I'm on the right track for the life I want.

Besides, you don't know how many people out there are looking at you right now and going, "damn, wish I was OP, having the maturity to question their place in the universe at only xx years old!"

And I'm saying the same for 14 year olds 😭 They're so mature and have some understanding of the life lmao, something I definitely didn't have. I was so dumb at the time.

Relatable in everything you mentioned

Like how the fuck do you run a startup? I have a goddamn master’s degree and I can’t figure out how to register a business let alone run one

Yes, I really feel like this is not something that is gained by conventional wisdom. And it's sad because when you ask people to explain, literally "tell me", they give some useless answer all the time

Would you ever have arrived at these conclusions yourself if you had never seen these “successful” people around you?

I wasn't really content with my life in general when I didn't start to hear about the successful people either. I mean, it's pretty rare to see I am content with myself in general. But if I didn't hear about them I'd assume that's just what it is I guess

You’re seeing what is theoretically possible if your life was set up in another way i.e. you were a different person. But you’re not. All these people you’re seeing around you had very specific upbringing, opportunities, genetics etc etc all of which you’re not privy to.

Honestly it was perfectly possible I could go back in time and just not mess up some things and be perfectly close to whatever people I envy on. I could count not-so-hard-to-miss mistakes and it'd take forever to finish. I didn't really miss anything that others had, perhaps some guidance. But I think it is up to me to guide myself. Like, it's not like my parents are supposed to guide me for everything, nor teachers or friends etc. So I consider being unguided as a "me problem" as well

As perspective, 99% of people never do anything like the stuff you mentioned in their life. And many of these people live a very content and happy life. Are 99% of people wasting their life? Only the ones that aren’t content?

I think it's kind of a perspective thing. I just feel like I need these for myself because of personality or traits etc. Others might not.

Sorry I don't understand. How does this relate to the post?

I'm pretty harsh on my past, I just don't see why I shouldn't. I can find all the things I shouldn't be doing there, all the mistakes I did and some still do. I'd try to be as far away as possible and never come back.
I actually do feel pressurized. Time flows so fast. My birthdays come and go in a blink, as if, they don't even feel that special anymore. And when I go to sleep, I miss a gold. It's so fast I can't make the right steps all the time and accidentally step on sht so often. And there is no map either, except the wrongly written guides that just make you step more on sht for some reason.

I really feel like the older I get, the less control I have around me. The older people around me seem like they don't want to move an inch from their comfort zone.

I'm actually applying to colleges as an international student (a really out-of-box thing to do, I'm proud of that sure) which is how I kind of found these people exist (you know, "extracurriculars" stuff) and this kind of stuff are doable. I'm thinking of who I was 365 days ago and I improved myself so much. But I also missed so many opportunities in these 365 days.

There is a lot in front of me and I'm anxious I'll waste my opportunities again, like I did. Perhaps I'm still not really doing as much as I should be and closer to what I've been in the past but I just can't see it yet, only future me could know.

I know this might be dangerous to think about but I don't feel good about what I have done myself without any guidance in the past. Like, not at all. I want to take advantage of many opportunities around me and be the best of myself. I've been taking some steps especially since last year but I think I'm still missing the main idea.
I could say I haven't really defined a "purpose" in my life, but I can see these kind of people are definitely somewhere close to what I might want to head towards.

I'm really trying to not make this a way to mess up with my mental state, but instead a search on how to achieve the best of myself. I just want to know how these people are waking up in the morning and do the stuff they do.

In reddit, not blurring the person can lead to the comment section being angry at the person for some reason and in that case the person will get death threats in the best case scenario. There are many past examples of this. So all names remotely related to the real discussion (like here) better be removed.
Maybe Lemmy would be cooler than that but I'm not sure.

I hate to say this opinion would be minority even on Lemmy. People value convenience over anything else

I'd like to see the logistic version as well!