No Stupid Questions

The best way to be miserable in life is to compare yourself to others. Just do your best, thats all that matters

I’ve improved my life quite a lot but it’s hard to give advice to others.

The comparison mindset is really bad though. It literally doesn’t matter what another monkey on this planet does. Your thoughts about how to improve your life are ones you have to discuss with yourself (maybe guided by a therapist). There is no wrong way to live but you have to make the choice on how you want to.

Life has no purpose. You cannot waste it. You only live and die. Do what you want, or don't. It doesn't matter.

When you look at someone else’s life, you only see the Highlights Reel. You don’t hear about all the boring in between moments, their struggles with imposter syndrome and insecurities, their relational arguments or troubles with their family, all the BS.

Life isn’t about keeping up.

It’s a parlor trick, magically coming into existence for a fraction of a moment in this infiniteness of time and space. The best thing we can do is cherish the miracle and squeeze the most happiness for the time we have. It’s respecting life.

For some, that means service to others. For others, it’s patenting science projects. And then there’s those that find it in an honest job, being good to people they love, and exploring hobbies from time to time.

Happiness is definitely not a contest. Especially one that you put yourself through fully knowing you won’t win.

But if you feel like you need more value in your life, it’s never too late to do something new.

In 100 years, very few of those people will be remembered. In 1000 years very, very few of them will have had a tangible, lasting impact on the world.

We are meaningless specs of dust in the universe. Don't hold yourself accountable to imaginary standards being set by the rare few that manage to create a footprint a microcosim larger than the spec of dust they are. Enjoy yourself and create as much joy as you can in your tiny corner of reality as possible, and you'll have lived a damn good life.

1. Comparison is the thief of joy.
2. The relationship between hard work and success is tenuous at best.

Your mentality is fucked up IMO. You don't need to keep up with anyone. Just do what you think you can. Live your life instead of chasing someone else's.

unproductive stuff in the free time to get temporary pleasure

You do realize your whole life is temporary, right? The way you phrased that makes it seem like sitting down to listen to your favourite songs is a waste of time.

This idea that we have to be "productive" with our time is perhaps the biggest source of human suffering, not just for ones who feel guilty for not being productive, but also the overly ambitious psychos who force their "greatness" on everyone else (just think of tyrants who want to rule over others to make a name for themselves).

Time you've spent enjoying yourself is absolutely not time wasted.

I know what you mean, but keep in mind that you're comparing yourself to everyone that made it. There's over 6 billion people on earth, and you compare yourself to, what, 5 people? 10? 15?

Now it's my turn to tell you basically what a lot of people here have already said, but maybe you can get something extra out of this telling.

Everyone who was mega-successful, in old age or young, has had a huge advantage somewhere that people rarely talk about. There are no exceptions to this, only cases where those advantages are lost to time or secrecy. And nearly every time, family wealth is involved in some way. Usually directly, but even if they never got a penny, being in a wealthy family brings you so many casual advantages.

You're comparing yourself to people who were dealt winning hands from the start. Like, a kid who gets a patent at a young age? Someone was coaching them, possibly someone with an agenda. Invents a new plastic? Uh-huh, at what age did they get into polymer chemistry? Who even told them polymer chemistry even existed? There's something else going on there. Don't let the media gaslight you into thinking you're "behind."

It's okay to be you! It's not a race, and even if it was, the people you're comparing yourself to had a gigantic head start.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Enjoy others' success but compare yourself of today with yourself from the past.

This is what happens when you grow up with boomers in your ear, yelling at you to get a job and make a family. They insist that's what life is about. But it's not. Life is about being happy. When it boils down to it, that's all we really want. Even terrible people do what they do because it makes them happy.

I'm only just taking my baby steps out of this mindset. I learned I can do things no one else around me can. Some may not be marketable skills, but that's not always necessary.

I don't work. Thanks to autistic burnout, I'm a shell of my former self. But in that time, I have saved 11 kitten lives and given 3 very short lives happiness they never would have seen otherwise. I've brought kittens from the brink of death by starvation to stocky, healthy kittens who now have loving homes. It takes time and effort to do that. One was so sick from starvation he barely moved, and I got him strong enough to get up and play.

It's not worth any money to have this talent. Not to me anyway. They are all attached to a shelter that makes the money. They make me happy.

It's not about "pacing up" as you say, or making a mark in history. We need those people, but you don't need to be one of them. If everyone made breakthroughs, they wouldn't be as important. The bar would just get set even higher. You make a difference to the people around you. I don't value my life, but I learned to appreciate that other people do value my life, and that's good enough.

Everything comes with a cost. To be successful in one area means missing out in others. Everyone likes to post their success on Facebook or LinkedIn, but they also don't post about all the evenings spent arguing with their wife or missing out on their children growing up or whatever. Success is not easily defined.

Most people like to keep things balanced, as in not having extreme losses in one area, but that also means that they're not successful in something particular. That kind of balance is a success in itself, though it's rather invisible.

You're not supposed to do anything in your life. When the grim reaper comes along you won't be able to bring it along.

You're not dead. Be successful in whatever you want.

This type of thinking is very common and incredibly toxic. There is nothing wrong with wanting to strive, it's healthy and important. The comparison is where it becomes detrimental. I discovered this when learning endurance running. I kept comparing my times with peers and at some point I looked at what a world record time would be. However much effort I put in, it would never be enough to win against someone who is truly gifted in this area of life. The running became more relaxed after that, I was in a race against myself and the goal became improving my own time and helping others.

Because life doesn't have a goal. There is no waste. That's a point of view that makes people suffer needlessly. The objectives of a cow in a meadow are to eat grass, sleep, defecate and socialize a little. Many living things have even fewer requirements. They might have survival and reproduction in common, but if they don't meet them, they haven't lost either. For some humans, this may be depressing, but it would be if their perspective* has led them to reason that.

*Their perspective and their context, because we are social animals and we do not live isolated from other people's requests.

I’m just enjoying the ride. Not concerned about wasting time or achievement. Kudos to those who strive to make a difference. I’m just happy to be here!

Hmm, take it easy on yourself. You don't have to be someone known. Just enjoy what you have and stay satisfied. I know its harder to do than to say but human desires can keep you wanting for whole life.

Our realm is full of noisy things, making us chase/desire what we don't have, and that is deliberate.

Fill your life with positivity, Change your prescription. Greed and envy will only give you negativity.

The best time to make a change in your life was 10 years ago, the second best time is now.

Don't base your happiness on your achievements as compared to others. Life isn't deterministic, every person is working with a different set of skills and circumstances. Set your own goals based on what you want to do, and work toward that.

If you don't know what you want to do, start trying new things.

This is the result of alienation from your labor that capitalism excells at, get hobbies or start organizing as a way to break out of it.

We don't need to change the entire god damn system to be useful, but at least building towards it is infinitely more rewarding than doing nothing IMO

I feel it. Not so much "wasted" as "taken from me." Between school that did nothing but hold me back and cause me anxiety to the time since that I've lost to said anxiety and probably-related depression, I feel like my life never really began. Now I look around at the things I "have to do" or "have to get done" and it's all so overwhelming that I just want to sleep instead. Even though I know damn well I'll feel better and enjoy the payoff if I actually do the things. And then I see people half my age doing all the things OP mentions, and honestly I feel exhausted just looking at those people. Like how the fuck do you run a startup? I have a goddamn master's degree and I can't figure out how to register a business let alone run one. And you do this every day? I mean, I remember doing ten-plus-hour days when I was working and going to school at the same time and I didn't have a choice, but now? Holy shit, no.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Life just is.

For a long time our goal was simply to survive and maybe have sex a few times. Now we're suddenly under pressure to "accomplish" things but not that many people are really wired for it. There's a reason some of the best creatives are weirdos and assholes.

while someone gets a patent on solar systems,

Rarely achieved by individuals, rarely achieved by someone intentionally aiming to achieve that particular goal. Most were just doing a job.

other invents a new recyclable plastic,

Rarely achieved by individuals, rarely achieved by someone intentionally aiming to achieve that particular goal. Most were just doing a job.

and another found a successful startup.

Less than 10% chance. The other 90+ are now worrying about their FAILED startup. Also.... Rarely achieved by indiv- yadda yadda

Why are you this worried? The vast majority of humans are NOT special, and your framing for accomplishments is all weirdly skewed if you think those require a special human. This doesn't take a stoic or a realist to realize, it's just true. You're boring and so am I, because almost everyone, even whatever celebrity you can name me on the spot, is also fundamentally someone boring who likes doing boring things in their spare time. And boring people can achieve great things. The opposition to that notion exists only to glorify whatever chucklefuck narcissist-serving philosophy dumbasses at social gatherings believe in, and pink magazines' financial security.

I've seen people be like this even with entertainment, and it's not healthy. People worried about matchmaking ratings, or pissed at themselves that they can't be as good as Fireb0rne when fighting Hollow Knight bosses, instead of just taking things at their pace, putting the effort they enjoy and accepting the results those bring.

Not really. After having been through some deaths and illnesses of people close to me, every normal day is a good day to me. No news is good news, I can live my life quietly and how I want.

As for success in life, if I take care of myself, try not to make things around me worse, and try to help others I'm pretty happy with that. In my work we make a few products from scratch so I feel like I contribute to society.

I guess to add to what a lot of people have said already but many people would argue that there is no inherent meaning to life as a whole and therefore you need to find your own. For some this may be wanting fame or glory, for others it's putting in a good day's work. There is no correct answer. You only get one shot at this life so ultimately do what makes you happy.

If you spend your life comparing yourself to others it is going to make you miserable, especially if you compare yourself to the history books, only a percentage of a percentage of a percentage of people ever make it in them, what happened to all those people who were theorising about gravity when the apple fell on the head of mathematician in Woolsthorpe?

The same goes for fame too, look at all the people who start making content with the only goal of "making it big." How far do they realistically get before they give up? Audiences also aren't silly, they can tell when someone is phoning it in, people want to see authentic stuff.

For me then, well, I'd be a liar if I said that I have never chased something, because I'm chasing something right now, it's just that it's a personal goal and I know achieving it will bring me personal happiness. If it makes other people happy too that's a bonus, it's not going to change the world, it's not going to set the world on fire, but it's been fun.

But I will not deny that in the past I too have had to deal with nihilism, and that was a very difficult period of my life. One that at the time I just couldn't talk to people about because how do you word that?

Besides, you don't know how many people out there are looking at you right now and going, "damn, wish I was OP, having the maturity to question their place in the universe at only xx years old!"

Edit: Grammar

Comparison is the thief of joy. What others have done in their life says nothing about their level of happiness during those times. Accomplishments are just one sentence with so much that happens in between that you don’t know. I feel like society has really done people a disservice by convincing everyone that you have to do big things in order to have a great life and if you don’t do them all before you’re 30 then you’re old and wasted your life and that could not be further from the truth.

You don’t have to pace up with anyone, your path is completely different from theirs and your thing that you do can start any time because it is NEVER too late. As long as you’re living you can start your next path any day you want, saying you can’t is like accepting that you won’t try anything new again until you die.

Lastly, even if you don’t have some big accomplishment like you’re seeing others have that doesn’t make you “less than” anyone else. You can still lead a perfectly happy and wonderful life without having some really great big goal in mind. Your goal can be to be the best you that you can be to everyone you interact with and that would still be a valuable goal in life. Take a look at what you value in life and when you focus on those things and surround yourself with others with similar values then you’ll naturally find your next goals in life. You’re exactly where you need to be.

If you're happy and satisfied doing what you doing, more power to you friend.

If you feel like you're stagnating and want a change, dive into something you're mildly interested in with an open mind and see what happens.

Best of luck to you!

I absolutely do. Up until my now-wife entered my life, I feel very strongly I did nothing with my life and just coasted along. Living on benefits, in single room bedsits, wasting my life doing bugger all and barely coping with life.

Since my amazing wife entered my life, I've held down a well paid full time job, lived in a full flat for the first time in my adult life (never going back to room let's!) And feel content and happy.

We'll be coming up to our first wedding anniversary in October, and I regularly reflect in how different my life used to be. I genuinely owe my wife my life. Companionship and having love in your life is a massive motivator.

For me, happiness is the goal. My boss is a few years older than me, is a millionaire, work is his entire life and he's absolutely miserable. I can say with full conviction that I am happier and more content with my life than a millionaire two years older than me

I don't know if I'm answering, but few years ago I've figured out and started to test this hypothesis:

Memory is context-driven, and such is our own ability to retrospect about spent time.

For example, let's say I spent whole Saturday doing one of my favorite combos; playing Factorio and listening to podcasts. Next day I would go to a dinner with a friend who (as most people on the planet) is not really interested in neither of these things. There's no way I could justify day spent, to my friend it would look like time wasted. Thing is, it's actually easy to come to a similar conclusion just myself -- I would feel like from some "objective", "classic" point of view, the time spent in Factorio was wasted.

However, one thing is easily missed: due to the contextual nature of our memory, the memory spent in one mindset (playing Factorio with podcast) is not readily available outside that mindset. (It has to be like this to some extent, right? we don't need to remember how to ride a bike when not close a bike!)

It sometimes happens to me that when I open old map from Factorio, memories from "the Factorio mindset" would start coming (including topics from podcasts or audiobooks), as if I visited some old place. If my friend walked up to me while I'm playing Factorio and asked me about how I spent my time, I could probably share lots of stories about how I came up with this structure and how I found myself stranded among enemy bases, etc. It's he change of context that prevents me to do so at the Sunday dinner -- part of the new context is that I'm with someone who's not interested in Factorio or podcasts.

The question is then, do all these experiences contribute in a positive way to something more long-term, like my personality? While playing/listening, am I training something that is going to be useful later on? It boils down to comparing what else could I have done, which is ultimately a futile enterprise anyway.

TL;DR: Could it be that in retrospect time can feel wasted but it's just because we're trying to "reach" the time from another context? Maybe we always spend our time the best way we can, it's just that we're not equipped to judge the time properly, at least not from any context.

As others have said, try not to compare yourself to others. You could take inspiration from others, and shape up your own path. You will always lag behind if you follow someone else's path. If you make your own path, then you might be able to walk side-by-side with others. An analogy would be in starting a new business where you wouldn't want to directly compete with established businesses, so you would add your own twist or handle a niche uee case instead.

Also, there's different kinds of success which also depends on perspective.

You might feel like that now but almost certainly not forever. Growth and progress happen so slowly, making it very difficult to perceive. Comparing yourself to others and their achievements makes it even harder to see and in some cases may even undo growth/progress.

The only fair comparison to make is present you to past you. Sometimes that won’t give you much but sometimes it will and those are good moments.

My hope for you is that you learn to trust yourself and cultivate pride so that one day you realize you’ve been more satisfied with life and can’t be sure when things changed.

A couple of years ago, I used to work for one of the major oil and gas companies. The work I did in my first assignment was interesting, and I met amazing people. I could see myself working there the rest of my career and becoming a subject matter expert. It was a somewhat prestigious job, I lived pretty cushy, and I put the rest of my earnings away in retirement and savings. It was supposed to be the ideal life for a white collar professional.

And I was miserable. I couldn't see it until I left the job, and by that point, I was in a horrible place mentally. I worked remotely for a bit before leaving, and my closest friend back in the city said I was the happiest she'd seen me in a long time. Before the pandemic I had been a fairly heavy drinker, and was already trying to cut back, but during the pandemic it turned into full blown alcoholism. I couldn't feel relaxed on the weekends unless I "took the edge off". I also couldn't focus well at work, thanks to hidden ADHD that I had been able to mask as a student with my drive. It became a much bigger factor from the pandemic onwards.

I could keep going but I think you get the idea. I spent those years living to work and neglecting my mental state. I was a zombie, a shell of myself wearing a mask for the public. I already knew that money didn't buy happiness, but it turns out, prestige doesn't either. Being successful as society defines it doesn't bring you purpose or joy or fulfillment.

You've got a lot of time ahead of you. The only thing that's a waste of time is spending too long worrying about if you've wasted your time and being so distracted by it that you miss out on the present. Take each day as it comes, pursue your plans, and be ready for your plans to take a detour. The best laid plans of mice and men go awry.

Choose what you can't not do.

No matter how you get there, we all end up the same way, just remember that.

I spent 14 years with an abusive (ex-)wife and I didn't achieve anything. Felt like my life was wasted. But you know what? It wasn't. It's all life-experience. It has shaped who and what I am today, and the person I am today I'm damn proud of. If you can call yourself a good, decent person, that's success to me.

Don't measure yourself against others (like everyone else says). Find your values, and if you excel in those values, who cares you didn't change the world? Or hold a patent? What is "Excelling at life" aside from making yourself and the people around you happy?

Dood. Don't trip. The Colonel started KFC when he was 40 Vlad didn't start impaling until he was 32. Samuel L Jackson was 42 before he landed his gigs, after being addicted to heroin and cocaine. Even Billy Joel Armstrong's kids thinks he's lame.

Life is a journey. Not a race with accolades and a medal at the end.

Only way to see anything on the journey is to take the steps and enjoy the view.

Covid has made me realize that no matter how much free time I have, I'd rather do nothing at all than pick up something new.

Wasted? I've browsed more dank memes than all of my ancestors combined.

Occasionally. I think it’s natural to do so. This reminds me of a lyric from The Butt Hole Surfers

"Well, son, a funny thing about regret is that it's better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven't done." "And by the way, if you see your mom this weekend, would you be sure and tell her... " Satan! Satan. Satan!

"But what do you really want to do with your life?" is a question that comes up a lot in our lives. I've spent a chunk of my life trying to find the answer before realizing that what I want to do or think I should be doing is inconsequential. The important question is how you want to feel. You could patent the whole universe and be the richest person on earth and still feel like a failure or an imposter. That's why rich and famous celebrities kill themselves -- despite achieving what everyone desires, the promised happiness remains elusive, if not even more distant.

As time marches on, you'll find yourself remembering lesser and lesser of what you did with so and so, but you'll always remember how they make you feel.

How you feel has to do with your attitude in life. You can feel happy and contented right here and right now, without changing anything externally. Live every moment as if it's your last, then you'll always know what's important in life.

I am 30 years old and no achievements whatsoever. Nothing i've made has my name on it, none of it made me happy, and i got paid for very little of it.

A lot of people are deeply insecure like i am, but the difference is i have the financial privilege to not have to get out of my comfort zone, so i never did. I made a locked safe box for myself that nothing ever pushed me out of.

I'm not even rich enough to help people that much, at least not when i don't have an income. So i don't even have that satisfaction.

But a lot of torrent users have appreciated me over the years so that's nice