throwaway97129931

Thank you for taking the time to write a lengthy reply. I took my 4th injection today and I'm feeling closer to how I did before I switched, so I hope that means whatever happened with hormone levels is passing now.

Part of estrogenized sexuality, to me and the people I've loved, is you have to think you're hot and beautiful or it doesn't work as well

I've noticed this too, like I can't even masturbate if there's some weird aftertaste from food or something in my mouth, and I have to brush my teeth to proceed lol. but after that, I've lost interest 🤷‍♀️

I think you're right about how it's not my fault. I'm angry at myself thinking about it, but from an adult perspective, it's crazy to expect a 7 year old kid to stand up for themselves in a situation like that. Like I straight up didn't even have to vocabulary to explain what was happening. Nothing to do but try to forgive myself...

I'm still on the fence about therapy. I've actually had a journal in the past, but for some reason I stopped around the time I started HRT. I may also try going to LGBT support groups, I've wanted to for a while (it might help with the whole "being comfortable with myself") but been apprehensive due to fear of being rejected/ignored since I'm awkward in general far from passing still, but it's a risk I have to take at some point. Worst case scenario, I fail to fit in and stop going, and nothing was lost but a few hours of my time. I've certainly wasted more than a few hours on more pointless things lol.

About a month ago I switched from prescribed estradiol patches to DIY injections. This didn't happen purely on a whim, the clinic I get my prescription from abruptly canceled GAC for all patients, even adults, right after I picked up my last prescription. They did reverse this decision pretty quickly, but at the time (and a bit before it happened, and even now) I had in my mind that I couldn't and shouldn't rely on institutional channels to get HRT because of the people currently in charge of the US federal government. So luckily I bought a bit of DIY injectable estradiol and injection supplies in time before my prescription ran out. I was on patches for about 3 months up to this point.

As I said, I switched about 3, almost 4 weeks ago, and things were fine for the first, let's say 2.5 weeks. I felt about the same as I did on patches, maybe even a bit better. But about a week ago I noticed my libido, which had been pretty low on patches, started to increase. Initially I though it was just the "girl horny" that comes with being on estradiol, that maybe it could even be a sign that injections really are better than patches. But it's persisted over a week later, and I feel like it's fucked with my mental/emotional state much more than being on all natural home grown T for decades did. No matter how much I try to "satisfy" the urges it's always there in the background. And for better or worse being like this for such an extended period unearthed old trauma. One thing I'll say is that chest pain is mostly gone, which I think means it's lower?