Today I Fucked Up

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/KaruKahree3 on 2025-06-25 15:42:33+00:00.

So it’s been hot right? And I work in a truck with no AC for about 5-8 hours a day.

I’ve not been hungry but mostly thirsty so I’ve been doing nothing but drinking and maybe having fruit and crackers.

Well I got off work yesterday with extreme pain in my side, told my husband and he panicked because it sounded just like his experience with appendicitis that he had when he was younger, so he drove me to the ER.

After some tests it was discovered that I was just extremely backed up. Like so full of poop it was clogging my intestines and causing the intense pain. I was given some strong laxatives and electrolyte drinks to get etc etc…

My husband was laughing his ass off saying I lied when I told him I wasn’t full of shit. I’m so embarrassed. Remember to eat something with fiber wven in this heat guys.

TL;DR

Instead of bursting appendicitis, I was bursting with poop

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/tatizera on 2025-06-25 14:03:50+00:00.

Today I made a huge mistake at work that’s still haunting me. My manager sent an email asking for feedback on a recent project, and I quickly typed a private reply with some honest criticisms. Instead of hitting “reply” to just them, I hit “reply all,” sending my unfiltered thoughts to the entire team, including senior management.

The email wasn’t malicious, but I was pretty blunt about some mistakes and frustrations that probably should’ve stayed between me and my manager. As soon as I realized, I panicked and sent a follow-up apology, but I’m worried it’s already affected how people see me.

Now I’m stuck anxiously waiting for any fallout. I’m afraid this could hurt my reputation or chances at future projects. Has anyone else ever accidentally “reply all” and lived to tell the tale? How did you handle the awkwardness afterward? Is it possible to recover from a mistake like this or am I doomed to be “that guy” forever?

TL;DR: accidentally hit “reply all” with blunt feedback meant for my manager only, now worried about how it affected my reputation at work.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/tuesday-next22 on 2025-06-25 03:07:39+00:00.

I'm completely horrified about this, but let's go. Before I start the story I want to make clear that I believe that everyone, no matter what gender they identify with, is equal. The second thing you should know is when reading just pretend my name is something like Muhammed and I'm a brown man. Lastly you should also know I'm not the smoothest person socially.

Okay, so I work at a gigantic company, and as part of my job I sometimes meet with consultants or other companies that want our business. We had put something up for tender and a group of 10ish consultants came in to present. At the very start, they walked in, some shook my hand (didn't pay attention to who), and plesentaries were exchanged. They presented, we asked questions, they were done.

After the presentation small groups broke out as they were leaving where we chatted a bit more. I was talking with 5 of them 2 men, 3 women. At the end one guy stuck his hand out, so I shook it, then the next guy in the circle stuck his hand out, so I shook it, then I looked at the next person and no hand came towards me and I was like "well that's weird I guess she doesn't want to shake hands", and then we looked at each other very awkwardly and said our goodbyes, the next 2 women got the same since their hands didn't come out and I did not initiate.

This felt super awkward, and maybe I'm over thinking, but maybe these consultants get like cultural etiquette training that says ladies don't shake hands with brown dudes named Mohammed? Idk. I resolved that me as a socially awkward person would shake the shit out of any consultant ladies hand the next time this happened in case I had come across as sexist.

Lo and behold, last week I went to a conference and saw one of the same women, along with 2 guys I did not know. I walked up to the group and said hello. She introduced me to the two guys, who yes, stuck out their hand, I shook it, and they introduced themselves. I then turned to her, and no hand came out. I thought to myself "this is the moment I've been waiting for I'm going for it".

Now there are two problems at this moment. 1. If someone introduces you to two people, do you really shake the someone's hand? idk. 2. See all this over thinking I'm doing in my head? the conversation has already started.

Anyway after shaking the guys hands they asked me what I do where I work, instead of answering, I say "ummm" and stick my hand out for a handshake she looks at me like a weirdo so I say "I forgot to shake your hand" she shakes it awkwardly and says "yes good to see you again". Then the guy, who also looked at me like a weirdo reasks the question.

At least she knows I shake hands I guess?

TL;DR I didn't shake hands with all the women consultants a few months ago. I resolved that would never happen again since they might think I'm sexist. I ran into one of them again, and shook their hand mid conversation cause I'm slow, creating something even more awkward.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Status_Asparagus_854 on 2025-06-26 13:23:41+00:00.

I (22M) have a huge crush on this girl from work. She’s funny, gorgeous, and casually mentioned last week that she loves spicy food. Naturally, my dumbass decided this was my opportunity to shine.

So today, I brought in some Carolina Reaper hot sauce I ordered online. Dumb move #1. During lunch, I offered her a dab on a chip. She tried it, said “That’s pretty hot,” and then looked at me.

Ego inflated, I said “Pfft, that’s nothing,” and dumped a quarter of the bottle on my sandwich to flex. Dumb move #2.

Thirty seconds in, I lost vision. Sweat poured down my neck. I hiccuped. My body straight-up rejected the sandwich. I tried to power through, then full-on vomited into my trash bin… in front of her.

She patted my back and said, “You didn’t have to almost die to impress me.”

I have never felt more emasculated and flattered at the same time.

TL;DR: Tried to impress crush with world’s hottest hot sauce. Ended up vomiting in front of her.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Agent_of_evil13 on 2025-06-26 02:36:14+00:00.

This happened a few years ago but I saw something that reminded me of it.

I got my associates degree pretty late for reasons not relevant. I had been working in facilities maintenance and as a mechanic for years but I needed that degree to get the next step in my career. So I went to community college at 28 with 6+ years of experience in the field already. That was an interesting experience because 3/4 of my class mates were right out of high-school and the rest were like me, or switching careers.

So, in one class we were doing a hands on wiring of a 3phase motor to a motor starter. Everyone got our own station which was essentially an electrical cabinet with the rails already installed. We had to grab our parts, make the plug, then wire everything up.

I have done this 100s of times already. I started barely paying attention, because this was practically muscle memory. It felt like I was at work, which is where the problem started. The language in an industrial maintenance shot can be... colorful. The team I was working with at the time was very fond of good natured (and not so good natured) ribbing.

So anyway, I got in the zone and I overheard a conversation between a couple of the high-school kids. I don't remember exactly but it was something like this.

M: "I can't do this"

C: "What's up"

M: "What if I did this wrong. I don't wanna break anything. "

C: "M, you should believe in yourself."

(My auto snark subroutine kicks on instantly without missing a beat) Me: "Because no one else will ya fucker."

I looked up from my station and everyone was staring at me. I realized I said that out loud and I wasn't at work... Oops.

I apologized to him later.

TLDR; I told a kid just out of high-school with confidence issue that no one believes in him.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Capital-Stay4423 on 2025-06-26 03:36:13+00:00.

I've been constipated for a couple weeks and met this cute girl through hinge. She checks all my boxes. We hung out and grabbed lunch one day as a meet and greet and agreed to meet up again. We've been texting since then and agreed to meet earlier in the week than planned. I want to make us a picnic and hang out by the river. Got all my ingredients after work and decided, "Hey, haven't had prune juice in a while and it'd be great if my mind wasn't focused on cramps all day."

I started taking swigs from my 1,38L jug. Weird quirk is I actually like the taste. An hour or two of video games go by and I hadn't realized what I'd done. I drank about 25-28oz of prune juice. Not knowing a single cup or 8 oz is the daily recommendation. The stomach is making the rumblies.

Oh no.

I hit up the washroom. Everyone's asleep in the house, and I start BLASTING. It didn't feel awful? Just a torrent of liquid coming out every 5 minutes. One last blast and I hoped it was over. My stomach wont stop rumbling, but I legit feel lighter. Gotta get to sleep but kinda scared. Might've sabotaged my date tomorrow if it doesn't resolve in the next 10 hours.

TL;DR: drank too much prune juice, destroyed my bum, and worried about first date tomorrow as a result

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Best_Rip_2385 on 2025-06-26 02:43:24+00:00.

I had gone to the grocery on my lunch break to snag a bag’s worth of ingredients. I drive home, settle in, and after a bit, start cooking dinner.

Halfway through, I realize I’m missing the jar of garlic powder I had purchased. Running out to my car reveals it had slipped out of the bag and was in my passenger floorboard. I bring it back to my kitchen, relieved to have my favorite seasoning restocked.

Distracted by my meal prep, I go to remove the plastic seal over the mouth of the jar. I have no nails, courtesy of a life-long nail-biting habit, so out of reflex I use my teeth to nip the edge of the seal and rip it off.

Now, we’re in the middle of a mega heatwave, and the garlic being left in the car apparently caused it to heat to the point the air inside the jar expanded.

Meaning my little plastic container of garlic powder has become, in effect, a garlic grenade.

I pull off the seal and a cloud of garlic powder rushes out of the opening. A seasoning sandstorm sweeps into my mouth, and a blizzard of garlic coats my shirt like a grainy bib. My eyes sting. Thick wisps of garlic sear my nostrils.

I start to gag and stagger over to the sink, though my dog, previously waiting hopefully for a dropped morsel from my meal prep, nearly trips me as she tries to “help” with my obvious distress.

I end up spitting out a mouthful of powder and rinsing my mouth multiple times as I wait for the seasoning overdose symptoms to pass. My nose is running, my eyes watering, and I keep gagging involuntarily, while my cats come over to sniff at me, wrinkle their noses in distaste, and strut off in judgement.

Once the disgusting taste is gone, I change clothes, as I reeked like an Italian restaurant’s dumpster. Unfortunately, I discover garlic powder everywhere I go in the kitchen. Like when you’ve gone to the beach and keep discovering sand in every crevice of your car, garlic has made its home in the recesses of my kitchen. No matter how much I clean, I’ll turn around and more garlic will settle into tiny garlic dunes on the counter, the stovetop, the floor, and the shelves.

On the bright side, I’m probably super safe from vampires now!

TLDR: Due to a heatwave, my jar of garlic powder was under pressure and essentially exploded all over me and my kitchen.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/shaunthesquirrel on 2025-06-25 19:22:43+00:00.

On holiday in Cologne, Germany, went for a run to keep the ol’ cardio going

All going well until I tried to dodge some pedestrians by a blind corner, took a classic “man look”.. stepped straight out into the cycle path and BOOM.. got absolutely levelled by a girl on a bike.

I’m sprawled out like a sack of spuds, flapping out apologising repeatably like a right muppet, and she just gives me that look as if to say .. “are you actually brain-dead?” , eventually after 10 seconds of processing what happened she said “alles gut” and rode off.

No broken bones, just a bruised ego and a strong dose of British shame. Honestly, feel like the world’s biggest pillock.

TL;DR: Went for a run in Cologne, blindly stepped into a cycle lane to dodge some pedestrians, got absolutely clattered by a cyclist. Apologised like mad, looked like a total prat.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Sad_Variety_5063 on 2025-06-25 07:39:41+00:00.

I (33M) had my first colonoscopy this morning. I was super anxious, hadn’t eaten in 24 hours, and was already mentally checked out from reality.

When the nurse wheeled me into the pre-op area, she was very kind and professional. We chatted a bit and she said, “Don’t worry, you’ll be in good hands. I hope everything goes well and you get some rest after. Enjoy your colonoscopy!”

My dumbass, running on zero sleep and a gallon of Gatorade, just reflexively replied:

“You too.”

There was a beat of silence.

Then she laughed. I mean really laughed.

She had to stop pushing the bed for a second and wipe tears from her eyes. She said, “That’s a first. I’ll let the doctor know you want him to enjoy it, too.”

I was mortified. Still am. The anesthesiologist walked in shortly after and just said, “So I hear you’re a giver.”

TL;DR: Told the nurse “you too” after she wished me a good colonoscopy. She still laughed while I was being rolled into the OR.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Solid-Newspaper-847 on 2025-06-25 07:38:16+00:00.

So this happened two nights ago. My wife and I were watching a movie on the couch, eating leftover steak and fries. She had just taken a big bite and leaned back into me. I was half paying attention to the screen and half scrolling Reddit when I suddenly heard her let out a weird, low moan. Like… a suggestive moan.

Naturally, being the idiot husband I am, I responded in kind. I leaned in and said something along the lines of “Oh, is it that good, baby?” and kissed her neck.

She SLAPPED me. Like, full palm, across my chest.

That’s when I realized she wasn’t moaning. She was CHOKING.

On a piece of steak.

She jumped up, gasping, and stumbled toward the sink, and I completely froze. I stood up, trying to remember what the hell the Heimlich was. By the time I rushed over, she had already coughed the piece out into the sink and was crying and furious and gasping all at once.

I stood there like an idiot, and all I could say was, “I thought you were just into the food.”

She didn’t talk to me for an hour.

TL;DR: Thought my wife was moaning over her steak, responded flirtatiously. Turns out she was choking. Nearly let her die trying to be sexy.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Motor-Presentation76 on 2025-06-26 17:24:00+00:00.

For the last 2 fucking years, I’ve been going into office 3 days a week. Each of those days started with me stepping into an elevator to the 14th floor and ended with me coming off the elevator at the 1st floor. In between there are countless times where I’d use the elevator for lunch or whatever occasion I need to step out for.

Without fail, everytime I have ever been in this elevator alone. I’d do some goofy shit because it’s my own personal space.

Sometimes I’d dance to whatever song is playing in my earbuds, if it’s lil Wayne I’d do throwing money gestures. If it’s benson boon I’d do an air guitar and sing out LOUD - imagine the high note of “PLEAAASE” in beautiful things.

2 years I’ve been doing goofy shit like this, including throwing it back and catching myself doing it and laughing out loud saying “Bruh I’m actually stupid af”

Today, I walked towards the elevators like usual and found myself alone in it once again… so, I Looked at the elevator’s mirror and started posing like I’m in a body building contest. Started yelling out “LOOK AT YOU! Yeaaah! BIG MAN ON THE SCENE! grunt “POSE SWITCH” another grunt “THE MUSCLE! 😩 ” GRUNT “THE DEFINITION! 🤯 “

Then the elevator doors opened so I gave myself the finger guns 👉👉 in the mirror as I regained my composure before I conducted myself professionally as I walked into the office. I know you’re already judging, I would NEVER do this in public but genuinely speaking these little moments brighten up my day sometimes because I get to act aloof. I live my day to day life pretty restrained and this is one way for me to ease up the tension a bit.

Outside of that elevator I swear to god you would NEVER expect this from me. I’m so stuck up at work and know the corporate lingo to a fault. I’m the guy who talks about action items, meeting agendas and product life cycles.

I greet everyone with a good morning and “have a wonderful night!”…including security.

Well today as I left the office a bit earlier than usual. The security clerk spotted me walking towards the exit from a distance and I shit you not he yelled out word for word “PRAH! BIG MAN ON CAMPUS!”

The way my face flushed

I said “Pardon me?”

He said “Oh sorry I was talking to my colleague”

“Oh…”

“Have a good night!”

Gives me finger guns

Bruh they can fire my ass IGAF , I am NEVER working from office again until he retires at least.

TLDR: Forgot about elevator cameras and acted like a goofball for 2 years while security was eating popcorn.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/WarriorWolf21 on 2025-06-25 00:07:42+00:00.

This happened today by the way! So I am on vacation In Michigan (Hello Michiganders!) and my family and I have done a few hikes while up here. This state is gorgeous and I have genuinely enjoyed my time up here until today.

It is important to note that I have an extremely short bowel due to having NEC surgery as an infant so when I digest food it goes through me slowly at first but then rushes through my shortened colon rather quickly. It still takes me a while to digest food though.

I think today will be an easy and chill day so I enjoy my breakfast, and later lunch. Suddenly my dad asks if my brother and I want to go for a hike. We both agree and I think nothing of it.

We arrive at the trail and I still feel good and don’t feel any urges to use the restroom. My dad says that it is a multiple mile hike and we all are excited to start. We park our camper, get out, and then look at a couple map routes we can take. We decide on the 3 mile route as we feel like it will give us a challenge but also wouldn’t be too long for us to walk.

We get started and everything feels good so far. I’m enjoying being in deep in the woods when suddenly I feel it. A gurgle escapes me and I feel a bit of pressure. Oh no no no not now! My dad then informs me that we are 1 mile in. Shit, there is no way I can make it. I keep pushing through though as the pressure keeps getting worse.

Suddenly the pressure is so intense I can’t take it anymore. I tell my dad I have to use the restroom, and now. He quickly looks around and finds me a somewhat hidden spot in some trees. I speed walk through the thick leaves and tree branches and balance myself on a log as to where my ass is hanging off. I quickly yank down my shorts and let it loose. The relief I feel when I expelled it all out of me felt magical. I finish, clean myself up, and then walk back into the trail. I felt 5 pounds lighter, it was amazing. We continue the hike without any further issues and successfully make it back to the camper. Moral of the story is know your body and always at least try to go before doing long or strenuous activities! Lesson learned!

TL;DR: Didn’t use the restroom before hiking a 3 mile trail, had to shit in the woods on a log near my dad and brother.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Horror-Ad-5039 on 2025-06-24 22:58:17+00:00.

This literally happened three hours ago and I'm still embarrassed.

So I'll tell you what happened, I work remotely and today we had a big team meeting on Zoom - about 40 people including my manager, his assistant and some VP who I'm 100% sure thinks I'm an unpaid intern.

The meeting is dragging on. I'm starving. I think I'll just quietly grab a bag of chips from the kitchen. The camera is off. The microphone is off. I'm a master of my craft, I'm not going to sit hungry and listen to boring reports.

I go to the kitchen, grab some chips, come back, sit down at the computer and suddenly my manager asks me a question about the reports, I turn on the camera and microphone, answer all the questions and they leave me alone. But I forgot to turn off my camera and microphone, I took the chips, I open them and the sound of the chips opening was so loud that everyone went silent, and I opened the chips so hard (because I was hungry as a dog) that they flew all over the room. I started picking up the chips, realized that the microphone and camera were on and I felt really awkward. They also saw my underwear because I didn't immediately realize that the camera and microphone were on.

The VP just stops and says: "Well, I'm glad someone is having fun."

I've never felt so embarrassed in my life.

Anyway, I'm quitting my job and changing my name. Thanks for your time.

TL;DR: Tried to steal chips during a Zoom call, chips exploded, microphone and camera on, became the office clown in exactly 3 seconds.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/K1ngZ3no on 2025-06-24 20:34:39+00:00.

May this come as a warning:

I picked up what I thought was gonna be a refreshing jug of cranberry juice, from my local walmart.

Oh, it hit the spot just right, and on this sweltering, 95° day I could barely get enough.

Everything was going exactly as planned for probably about an hour. I continued my bike trek of probably 5 or 6 miles. And took refuge in some shade and laid down to cool off.

It felt like gas, but i'm much too wise to trust a fart. My rumbly tumbly was making me aware that shit was about to go down.

It was a few minutes before I found a restroom but I did arrive in time.

I sat there and became the ugliest fountain for probably five minutes. At least long enough to google, my questions about cranberry juice ingestion, and confirm my fears.

It's hot, i'm sweating, and I just put all of my hydration in the toilet. I still had another six miles to go home.

I was very fortunate when I stopped at the skate park and someone with a pickup truck was kind enough to run me to 4 miles I had left to get home.

This honestly could have ended way worse. I am sincerely posting this as a warning to anyone who likes cranberry juice as much as I do. Stay safe out there!

TL;DR: Cranberry juice contains sorbital which is fine and dandy in smaller quantities? But when you drink a gallon it will wreck your system.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/firakti on 2025-06-24 19:12:14+00:00.

So this happened two days ago, and I’ve barely slept since.

I’ve been working at my current company for almost five years, and I recently got an offer from another place with better pay and remote work. It wasn’t an easy decision, but I decided to take it. I wrote up a polite, professional resignation letter, attached it to an email, and meant to send it to my direct manager and HR.

Except I didn’t.

Instead of typing in my manager’s name, I clicked “All Staff” which, for some reason, is not only still an active mailing list, but also includes everyone in the company worldwide, including executives, people I’ve never met, interns, and the literal founder.

So I sent it. Subject line: “My Resignation”

Body: “Hi [Manager], attached is my formal resignation letter. Thank you for the opportunity, and I wish you and the team all the best moving forward.”

Thirty seconds later, I start getting pings.

Not from my manager.

From… everyone.

Coworkers I haven’t spoken to in years messaging me “???” One person just replied with “congrats???” Someone from IT in Singapore asked, “Is this a phishing test?” A guy from Finance I’ve never met replied-all with “Best of luck!” which then triggered 15 more reply-alls. At one point someone replied-all with just “UNSUBSCRIBE” in all caps.

Then my manager messaged me: “Hey, did you mean to send that to literally everyone?”

I wanted to crawl inside my laptop and die. The CEO didn’t respond, but I know he saw it because someone on his team forwarded it to him thinking it was a comms issue.

HR called me that afternoon. They weren’t mad, just very confused. Then they told me this now counts as my “official notice,” and I had basically started my resignation timer a week earlier than I’d intended.

So now I’m scrambling to wrap things up sooner, coworkers I haven’t spoken to in months are asking where I’m going, and I’ve accidentally created the impression that I rage-quit publicly, even though my actual letter was the most vanilla, polite exit email ever written.

TL,DR: Meant to send my resignation letter to my manager, sent it to the entire global company instead, caused a reply-all chain, HR confusion, and now I’m leaving a week early while half the company thinks I rage quit.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Accomplished-Fix1204 on 2025-06-24 19:00:39+00:00.

For reference we had an indoor cabin. So no balcony to let the room air out. I was on a cruise with my partner and we were both super excited to go to the buffet for lunch (and admittedly a snack and dinner later. I gained like 7lbs in a week). I ended up trying a ton of new foods and eating a lot of red meat. For dinner I think I got fries, mashed potatoes, a minute steak, a hamburger, some Asian dish I don’t remember the name of, and multiple dairy based deserts. I’m not personally lactose intolerant but my boyfriend is, still a lot of dairy can upset my stomach a bit. Between that and the unlimited pizza restaurant let’s just say we didn’t exactly make the smartest food choices for two people staying in a small room with no windows.

We went to bed and I forgot what time it was exactly but the room smelled so bad for a second I was concerned there was some short of issue on the ship. The air was dense…. Like almost chewable. I heard what’s gotta be the longest fart I’d ever heard come from under the covers, it was quiet and disturbingly warm since I was the big spoon. I realized he had been farting away under there. My own stomach felt pretty full as well so I can only assume I was partly to blame for the smell. Me waking up woke him up and he started gagging a bit. We quickly threw on some clothes and decided a late night walk might be a good idea lol. I ended up telling him it was all him because I have never farted infront of him before. We both took some gas X and waited to head back until our stomachs were feeling better. The rest of the days I tried to cut back on the overeating and we made sure to pack him some lactaid!

TL:DR We ate a ton of food at the buffet, caused bad gas that woke us up. We had to let the room air out because it was an inside cabin

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Ok-Soft-1418 on 2025-06-24 18:25:13+00:00.

I was out delivering furniture today like everyday until I got to this one building and the client was my first elementary school teacher. I recognized her pretty fast even that she got older but I don't think she knew me tho.

She was one of the few teachers who was kind to me maybe because I was good at math, and that she lectured. When I saw her today, it caught me off guard and I just froze and didn't tell her who I was. Not because I don't work hard or do a honest job but it felt like telling her who I was would maybe disappoint her because she had big hopes for me.

I just kept my mouth shut and helped bring in the furniture, said thank you, and left. Maybe she would’ve been proud to see me working and doing something honest. She probably would even know my name.

TL;DR: Delivered furniture to my first elementary school teacher but didn’t tell her who I was because I didn’t want to disappoint her and her big hopes of me.

It's been eating me wondering if I should have said something.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/YoMamaSoooooo on 2025-06-24 16:53:40+00:00.

I am sitting in the optometrist chair, opposite to them. It’s been a year or so and all I want is to get an updated prescription.

Everything is going just fine, they are about to dilate my eyes.

Then the question comes, while their face is a mere foot away and they are looking deep into my eyes.

“Are you lactating?”

Silence for a moment to process that.

“Um, no.”

Silence.

Now I’ve never been asked that in my 21 years of life - and I’m about to collapse dead from the effort it is taking to not laugh, but he is a foot away from my face and still very intently staring into my eyes.

I summoned every shred of energy to keep a straight face, but I could feel my face slipping.

He replies while looking me straight in the eyes, again a FOOT away from my face.

“Good.”

The silence stretched out but inside my soul is now battling every single natural impulse to burst out in laughter. Good? GOOD??

At this point he can see it on my face, and promptly misreads my inner tension.

“I didn’t mean good like- that you’re not lactating. Just- good to know.”

PAINFULLY long empty silence.

I felt myself tearing up from my stifled laughter, but managed to just nod and swallow it down.

Anyway he was very nice the rest of the time and I’m pretty sure I inadvertently made him think he made me cry by saying something insensitive, but I was actually trying not to die in the chair.

The entire car ride home I lost it thinking about the situation, but I feel so bad for the guy!

After asking my mom and aunt both of them said they have never been asked that before getting while their eyes checked and that they would have laughed.

Apparently it can have an impact on your eyes but he never told me that!

TL;DR: I started crying because I was trying not to laugh at my optometrist.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/jinzo_the_machine on 2025-06-24 03:56:04+00:00.

So this happened over the weekend and I was really considering posting it, but to hell with it. Maybe sharing this with y’all can help with me coping.

So I matched with this amazing girl on Bumble - PhD student, speaks three languages. Way too good for me, but somehow she agreed to dinner at this nice Thai place I'd been wanting to try.

Everything's going perfectly. We're laughing, connecting, great chemistry honestly. I'm feeling extra confident because I had a few shots (pre-first date ritual of mine) of this Chinese whiskey my buddy got me as a birthday gift, before leaving my apartment to "calm my nerves". It was the only alcohol I had in my apartment (I don’t usually drink whisky), but beggars can’t be choosers.

The waiter introduced their menu and mentions their "authentic spice challenge" - a traditional dish that's supposedly "restaurant's hottest." Now, I just got back from Phuket last month where I was crushing street food like a champ. The 4 swigs were hitting at this point, so my alcohol-fueled brain thinks this is the perfect opportunity to casually mention my travels and spice tolerance.

"I'll take the challenge level," I announce confidently, adding "I just got back from Thailand, so I think I can handle it." She orders something sensible. The waiter probably noticed that I was a little buzzed and actually asks if I'm sure with a smirk. I double down.

The dish arrives looking innocent enough. First bite - manageable. Second bite - getting warm. Third bite - my mouth is officially on fire, but I'm committed to the bit. I'm nodding enthusiastically while sweat starts pouring down my face like I'm in a sauna.

Then it happens.. the combination of spice and pre-date whiskey hits my stomach like a chemical weapon. I excuse myself to the bathroom, thinking I just need a moment to collect myself. Boy was I fucking wrong.

What followed was 38 minutes of the most violent, explosive food poisoning of my life (I was certain it was 38 minutes because I kept looking at my phone while liquids were coming out of both of my orifices, and didn’t want to keep her waiting). I felt like fucking death. My anus felt like someone grinding sandpaper on the poor thing. The bathroom acoustics in this Thai joint were also apparently conveniently designed to amplify every horrific sound. I'm talking full surround sound digestive devastation while she's sitting 20 feet away.

I finally come out, looking like I've been through war, to find she's already paid the check and is calling an Uber. She hands me a to-go container with my barely touched murder-dish and pats my shoulder sympathetically.

"Maybe next time order mild," which crushed any shred of self-assurance I had..

She unmatched me yesterday.

TL;DR: Tried to impress cultured Bumble date with spice tolerance, spent 38 minutes destroying restaurant bathroom while she listened

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/TrippinNL on 2025-06-24 15:31:42+00:00.

So for context, my neighbours went to a sunny place for a few months for his work, and recently returned from this trip.

We run into each other and strike up our friendly neighbourly conversation aboutan hour ago. She comments about us looking healthy and suggesting that the weather in the sunny place wasn't that sunny. I pick up on the que, and say she indeed looks rather pale for someone staying in place know for the sun shining a lot. She laughs it off, and starts about the trip having a little dark edge. Apparently she was about 6 weeks pregnant when starting the trip, but the pregnancy termanted naturally shortly after. And the reason she was looking pale, well that was because she just had surgery to remove the still birth fetus.

So yeah, that was not really tactful of me.

TL;DR: neighbour was not pale because of the lack of sun like i commented, but a still born fetus operation.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Ok_Bad8802 on 2025-06-24 15:10:56+00:00.

So today I was cleaning my bath room when I went to clean the toilet. I used zep acid toilet bowl cleaner and I put it away to let it sit some. Then when I came back I did not want to get it out so I grabbed the clorox toilet bowl cleaner from the counter (yes I had two different toilet bowl cleaners on the counter) and I mixed them. Almost immediately my nose felt weird and it smell weird. So I left the bathroom to google search what I just created and it said I created toxic chlorine gas. So I have the bathroom airing out. Any suggestions I will say I should be ok. And my pets will be fine. I will say I asked a friend and he said it will be ok im worried if I could get in trouble for releasing the gas in the air.

(TL;DR) I mixed toilet bowl cleaners and made chlorine gas.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Alarming_Willow_7364 on 2025-06-24 12:22:01+00:00.

I was getting a filling done, and my dentist (who’s always been super nice) was chatting away, trying to keep me calm. I’m not great with dental work, and I get really tense. At one point, she says, “You’re doing amazing, just a little more,” while gently patting my shoulder.

And in a weird, semi-conscious panic response, I just mumbled through the mouth guard:

“Ah luh yoo.”

She paused. I realized what I just said, and tried to backtrack by saying “THANK YOU,” but with my mouth full of dental gear, it came out like:

“BLUH GOO.”

She patted me again, said “Okay,” and didn’t speak for the rest of the visit. I’ve replayed that moment 400 times since. I told my wife later and she laughed so hard she cried.

TL;DR by confessing my love to a woman holding a drill to my face.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/No_Bandicoot_1356 on 2025-06-24 12:15:30+00:00.

We were on a Zoom call with the leadership team, and I was presenting a slide deck to my very serious, very no-nonsense boss. I was already nervous, fumbling with my words, and as I transitioned slides, he asked:

“Can you go back one?”

And I, in the most confident tone, replied:

“Sure thing, Dad, I mean, DAN! DAN.”

Silence. Someone snorted. Another person muted their mic suspiciously fast.

Dan stared blankly for a moment, then said, “Let’s… move on.” Deep inside, I wanted to kill my self because of the embarrassment. Like tf, why did I say that.

I’ve never been more mortified. The nickname stuck, too. Now I get messages like “Ask Dad if it’s approved” and “Did Dad sign off?”

TL;DR revealing my deepest Freudian slip in front of the C-suite.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Lilly-J-why on 2025-06-24 05:51:18+00:00.

For context I am a 15F, and in middle school was forever forgetting deodorant. I was made fun of for smelling like BO and cigarettes (my parents smoke). Now because of this I am very aware of how I smell, and have made a habit of always putting perfume before I leave the house. Last thursday I had a few surgeries in my nasal and throat area. I have always had trouble breathing along with other issuses, one of them being I had a bad sense of smell.

Now for what happened, my brother is over at my house. When hes over he likes to play with my makeup. We were in my room he was doing his thing when I wanted to show him my perfume. I sparyed it on my wrist when it hit me, one spary and I was dying. I got incredibly nauseous, and threw up (made it to the toilet).

That would be no big deal other then the fact, I have healing cauterized wounds in the back of my throat. 10 minutes later I am sitting and can taste blood, I belive I opened my cuts. Yet all I can think about is wondering how bad I smelled. I mean I would spary at 5 to 10, how were people not nauseated being near me. I also love me perfume and don't wanna give it up, but don't wanna throw up everytime I leave.

TL;DR:I haven't been able to smell in years, got nasal and throat surgery. Sparyed my perfume and throw up and I think it opened my wounds.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Agreeable-Echidna333 on 2025-06-24 09:10:18+00:00.

Today I ran a painting activity with my kindergarten students. They had a blast but by the end of it I had over 20 three and four year old covered in paint. I told them to go wash their hands in the toilets, an instruction that I never thought twice about and have given many times. Normally the kids will go into the toilet and wash their hands in the sinks. But this year I have an autistic student, I hear his little voice ring out from the toilet block as I’m wiping tables, “NO! She said IN THE TOILETS!!!” I dropped everything and ran into the toilets to see most of the children with their hands in the now multicoloured toilet bowls! My assistant was incapacitated because she was laughing so hard!

We got the children and the toilets all cleaned up properly but I’m going to be very careful about my word choices from now on.

TL;DR My poor word choices resulted in over 20 kindergarteners washing their hands with toilet water.