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The ultimate fictional portrayal of the journey of toxic vs nontoxic masculinity is Zuko and Iroh. And what does Iroh teach Zuko and us? Manliness/masculinity isn't defined approval, its defined by acceptance. To be a "man" isn't about using violence in showy ways for the sake of being acknowledged. To be a "man" is to accept and love people, including one's self, for their true nature. If violence is to be used, it must be in this context. Violence should never be used by a true "man" for anything other than protection. Violence can be wielded when it is to protect ones own true nature, or to protect someone else who doesn't have the power to protect themselves from a domineering situation. The ultimate conclusion of this is asking the question of what emotions is a true "man" allowed to access. We are shown through Zuko that the only emotion the toxic culture is allowed to access and control is anger. We are shown through Zuko how hard it is to transition out of this culture of anger and violence and toxic masculinity. The ultimate conclusion to both his arc, and the arc that Iroh went on before the show, is that true power comes from accessing the entire emotional spectrum that dwells within and turning this into power. True "manliness" is more than just anger and violence. True "manliness" is passion. That passion can be rooted in anything. We watch Zuko learn that he can draw power from joy, sorrow, and empathy. Toxic masculinity is Zuko's origin story: pure hatred. True masculinity is Zuko's finale: empathy so strong and so powerful that he sees one of his greatest torturers as sad, tortured, broken girl; one that if he returned her lightning to her he would lose the part of himself that he'd cultivated and grew to love.
Very well said. I think that might be why a lot of people (or me at least) relate to him so much, even if our fathers didn't burn our faces and exile us.
There's something very relatable about Zuko's journey, and you've put it into words perfectly. I like how you pointed out that true manliness is passion, which is what we see the true origin of firebending is. Passion and drive. Feeling your emotions with all your heart.
As a small caveat, I do think Zuko was ready to redirect the lightning at Azula, and potentially kill her, the circumstances just weren't right. However, I think after he sees her breaking down, he wouldn't ever do that. Like you said, he realizes she's broken and hurt and abused too. I think it wasn't until that moment though that Zuko really realized it.
As a side note, this description of masculinity actually reminds me a bit of Gurren Lagann too. Manliness comes up a lot, and in the end, the series makes the argument that manliness is about tenacity, passion, protection, and creation. And it isn't something that's just exclusive to men either. Early on, the protagonist becomes stuck in grief, and it's only after he accepts the sadness and emotions that he really comes into his own.
Already, very, very well spoken! Thank you for that!