this post was submitted on 12 Aug 2024
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chapotraphouse
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People really shouldn't be at all surprised that cis men have an absurd amount of hang-ups about how they want to be desired and how being desired or not-desired affects their self-worth. It's really not that crazy to want to be desired both in a seemingly shallow immediate sexual manner and in a deep emotional one.
It also strikes me as very rude to chime in with "smh don't you know women are attracted to more than just looks?" Because that's just super condescending. Yeah of course we know that, that's how attraction works for everyone.
Everyone is attracted to more than just looks, that's why it hurts to hear your partner say they wouldn't be sexually attracted to you, were it not for your pre-existing relationship (which I know isn't what she meant to say, but that is how it can be interpreted). You'd like to think they're into you for more than just... Being a stable person or whatever. Most people probably want there to be something intangible about themselves that makes their partner attracted to them, some parts of the sum of the whole that are ever-present even outside years of knowing each other.
Saying it's about men wanting to own women or needing to be the most beautiful person in the room is making a lot of very negative assumptions about someone else based purely on the fact that you'd interpret a vague sentence differently.
It’s why I find it strange when people repeat the sentiment of “the bar is very low. just be normal and a woman will give you a chance.” This is like the other end of the spectrum for being “a nice guy,” where somehow it’s a good thing that someone actually takes interest in you for just being “nice” without really being attracted to you otherwise
Is it really just cis men? No queer people would feel insulted if their partner implied they had no other desirable qualities besides being “a good person”?
Come on now. Neither did I even write anything about queer people (which I wouldn't do since I'm not queer) nor did what I write in any way imply that this might be exclusive to cis men or cis people in general.
Now really come on, you couldn't even really call that a bad-faith interpretation of the original post, that's just making up words that literally weren't even said and putting them in quotes.
I didn’t make up any words lol. I was asking a question because I don’t know if OP’s experiences were any different. Chill out. And the quotes were my own because “a good person” means a million things to a million people, but it was referencing the reddit post which implies their boyfriend was simply “a good person” and nothing else.
Was out with my partner of over a decade and a load of her friends, she and some others started talking about exes (gymbros specifically) and my partner brought up one of hers that was a runway model that she didn't like because he was dull and only wanted to be at the gym. I was off having a different conversation as I got called over by one of her friends to get 'congratulated' on being chosen over that thanks to having a better personality. Didn't really feel like a compliment to me, but I think it was supposed to be.