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The Onion

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I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About (www.mcsweeneys.net)

submitted 2 months ago by geekwithsoul@lemm.ee to c/theonion@midwest.social

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I’m torn. Both Galadriel and Sauron say the other is a threat to Middle-earth. One has to be wrong, so whom am I to trust? Should I trust the Dark Lord who attempted to topple the White City of Gondor, dominate all life, and attempt to stay in power for eternity? Or do I trust the Elf Queen representing the coalition of Men and Elves who defeated Sauron when he tried to enslave the Free Peoples… but could maybe do more meet-and-greets?

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[–] PineRune@lemmy.world 54 points 2 months ago (1 children)

She wants to fill your farmland with trees! Useless trees! No more taters or pipe weed! Good luck digging a new burrow with all those roots. Speaking of roots, did you hear about the Ents? All they do is destroy our towns, ripping our dams apart so they can drink all our water. Horrible, horrible creatures, and they will tread all over your flower gardens if you let this self-centered "elf queen" have her way!

[–] msage@programming.dev 13 points 2 months ago

Way too coherent, try again